Steven Zeitlin Family Stories

Family stories are told to younger generations to show them important lessons from the life of the narrator, one such story that can be told is that of a love story. Love stories are told to lead the culture in which the narrator grew up with into another. In the passage “Family Stories” by Steven Zeitlin, Amy Kotkin, and Holly Baker, the authors explain that family stories are told as a means to pass on culture to the next generation. They point out, “It stimulates healthy family interaction, it provides a technique for influencing and managing family members, and it serves as a ‘family engineered canal’ through which culture flows from one generation to the next” (19). By “canal through which culture flows” the family stories represent the

ability for the family to describe and pass on their culture to the next generation. It is important for the story teller to be able to clearly show the listener what culture he or she is conveying culture. In “Folk Narratives” by Elliott Oring, he describes that the importance of understanding the culture that the story teller comes from because through the culture one can understand the underlying meaning of a story. He says, “The cultural context is often essential in the understanding of the narrative at the most basic level, but it is a context against which deeper layers of meanings in a narrative may be uncovered” (135). In the phrase “deeper meanings in a narrative”, Oring is explaining that it is necessary to know the cultural context of the story teller not only to know the basic story but also to look deeper towards the narrative’s meaning which in turn can show the narrators intentions and sentiments. A love story can have different personal meaning to its story teller based on that narrator’s culture. I did ethnographic research on a love story strongly influenced by a Honduran cultural background.
The Honduran and other Hispanic culture on love is very centered on the belief that family is first above anyone else in all decisions. This attitude is one that is understood regardless of socioeconomic class and region of Latin America. In “Hispanic Families in the 1980s: A Decade of Research” by William A. Vega, breaks down the Hispanic familial and social support in the 1980s by describing it as being focused on family ties and respect. He says, “… Non-Hispanics migrate away from kin networks and Hispanics migrate toward them. We attribute these differences to cultural traditions, in that ‘close kinship ties are not merely a convenient form of aid but a well-known, enjoyable, and expected set of practices and attitudes’” (1018-19). By saying that kinship ties are “well-known, enjoyable, and expected set of practices and attitude” Vega shows that these cultural ties are necessary to the culture of most Hispanic families and that they are understood and expected of the family members. This is very true in the case of my personal interview between Ramon and Jaquelinne. In their love story and interview they recount of the events of their initial meeting, their running away from Honduras, the fight against Jaquelinne’s parents, and their eventual marriage in the United States. I propose that, based on their storytelling and interview, the narrators, Ramon and Jaquelinne, explain the Honduran cultural ideals for love and marriage as getting permission from parents to be together, date, then marry and respecting all parental wishes; however their story’s theme conveys the idea that they did not follow the cultural norm of asking permission from the parents but rather ran away to the United States in secret in order to get married there. They express their views through their Honduran cultural background, their development of a plot in which they go against their cultural expectations, and their characterization of themselves as rebellious and their parents as initially angry then change to caring, creating an overall mood of a happy reflection
The narrators, Jaquelinne and Ramon, talk about their cultural background as emphasizing the importance of receiving parental permission in relationships, in order to reveal that they would try to follow this culture but would eventually rebel against it. They discuss their culture’s ideals of love in the following excerpt:
Show me how someone would start dating and how the person would eventually ask for marriage in Honduras?] R: You have to first ask the parents of the girl to go out with the girl and ask to be able to see the girl at her home. Then you ask the parents of the girl for a noviasco [relationship, girlfriend boyfriend]. You have to respect the parents’ hours and rules. After about a year you ask for the daughter’s hand in marriage and you HAVE to ask the parents. Even if the woman says yes it’s up to the parents. If they say no, the girl talks to the parents and after a week they usually say yes but you still have to ask. And if they continue to say no most likely the girl won’t marry you. (Pause) and if she does then her extended family won’t go to the wedding as a sign of respect to the parents.
Interview by Ernesto Rojas, January 30, 2015
Through discussing the necessary steps to a traditional Honduran relationship, Ramon shows that Hondurans value greatly the opinion and rules of the woman’s parents.

Ramon says, “ Even if the woman says yes it’s up to the parents” this shows that the woman can say yes to marriage but ultimately it is up to the parents whether or not you will marry a specific person. By explaining the possibility of the parents saying no to a marriage Ramon also shows the mutual respect that family has on a parent’s decision. Ramon gives the hypothetical situation in which the parents don’t allow you to marry and he says “if she does then her extended family won’t go to the wedding as a sign of respect to the parents.” He shows that the entire familial community understands that the parents of the daughter are to be respected primarily. It is towards this central cultural belief that Ramon and Jaquelinne will rebel.

In developing their story, the narrators, Ramon and Jaquelinne build an exciting plot that expresses the idea of their going against the cultural norm of asking for permission from parents and rather running away together to the United States. They create this plot in the following

excerpt:
J: I was walking with my friend named Karla. […] then Ramon came up and he said hi and we started talking. Asking where he was from, what’s your name? […] And then at the party is when I asked her if she had a boyfriend. J: And we danced! After that I asked her to be my girlfriend. I had to ask her parent’s permission to go out with your mom and they let me see her from about 3 to 6 [They stayed together and continued talking until eventually they decided to run away to the US together] My mom and my dad thought I was going to school. And I was leaving and going to another country […] my parents were so mad. SO MAD I was crying and worried. And I got so mad at your dad telling him why we did this. But he said that it was all the love we had and he was right. I called them and I was so sorry. I asked for forgiveness and they were yelling at me and they were so mad that I left to a whole new country […] J: When we crossed it [the border] was dark night time. And they told me, “We’ll tell you when to hide and when to come out. Because the migra [immigration service] is all over. They’re in helicopters and trucks. […] Well once we crossed. We heard a helicopter and saw the large light that lightens up everything [spotlight]. There were some shrubs, and under those were the ones that we hid, the two men and me. And once the helicopter left we would get out and then we would hear people or cars and that’s when we would hide again. Then once they left one would head forward and he would call us forward with him. We would hide past the migra [my mother made it across the border fine and they made it past the second checkpoint and they got to my father’s house safely. They stayed together for a few years and eventually got married] J: It was so emotional. Imagine my parents wanted a big wedding, I wanted a big wedding but I was so in love that it didn’t matter to me I loved your dad and I bought myself a nice dress and I wanted photos to remember it! I wanted to feel like a bride! I was so happy to marry your dad like that! It didn’t matter I was happy to be with him. WE took photos outside the house and we got married
Storytelling by Ernesto Rojas, January 24, 2015.
In their opening circumstances Jaquelinne and Ramon’s meeting is one of random chance but Ramon initially continues with the tradition of asking permission from Jaquelinne’s parents to go out with her.

When Ramon says, “…I had to ask her parent’s permission to go out with your mom” he is describing the cultural norm that he follows to be with Jaquelinne. Then in the rising action Ramon and Jaquelinne run away from Honduras to the United States as rebellious lovers against Jaquelinne’s parents. Jaquelinne describes her parents as “yelling at me and they were so mad that I left to a whole new country” when they found out. Her parents reacted angrily to her decision to run away due to the fact that they disrespected them as parents and went against the Honduran cultural upbringing. The climax of the story telling comes from Jaquelinne’s crossing into the US illegally to be with Ramon, not only going against her parents but also going against international law. She describes the experience of crossing the border, “it [the border] was dark night time” and then she contrasts the darkness with “the large light that lightens up everything [spotlight]”. Her experience was depicted as one of fright and danger which brought her to the United States with Ramon. The resolution can be seen with the marriage between Ramon and Jaquelinne in the United States showing the ending of their rebellious sentiments against the Honduran culture and Jaquelinne’s parents. Jaqueline shows the

importance of the wedding by saying, “ Imagine my parents wanted a big wedding, I wanted a big wedding but I was so in love that it didn’t matter to me I loved your dad”. The wedding was an important resolution to their rebellion because it symbolized that though they went against their culture, they did it because they loved each other immensely, and they ended their rebellion once they were able to marry. The stories plot depicts Jaquelinne and Ramon’s rebellion against the Honduran belief in respecting parental instructions, through their running away, illegal crossing, and ending in their eventual marriage.
In order to highlight their rebellion, Ramon and Jaquelinne characterize themselves as being strong and rebellious against their parent’s commands and characterize Jaquelinne’s parents as initially angry and hurt then changing to accepting and supportive. They show the characterization in the following excerpt:
J: I was so decided and so in love that I didn’t care what anyone thought. What my family thought […] [they got to Mexico before they called Jaqueline’s parents] they were so angry because they knew we disrespected them. They wanted to use international forces to get me back […] R: They were mad because they felt we betrayed them, they told me, “How could you do this to us and our daughter”. [They lived in the US for about 3 years before marrying] Once I got married and I went back to Honduras to finish the paperwork. I stayed with my parents. They took me back with open arms and helped me finish my classes.
Storytelling by Ernesto Rojas, January 24, 2015.
Jaquelinne and Ramon, through their actions against their parents, characterize themselves as defiant against the orders of Jaquelinne’s parents. Jaquelinne says, “I was so decided and so in love that I didn’t care what anyone thought, what my family thought”. She explains that because she didn’t care what anyone thought she would run away with Ramon, against her parents’ wishes. However, When Jaquelinne and Ramon describe Jaquelinne’s parents they initially use their dialogue to depict their characters as hurt and angry. They are quoted as saying, “How could you do this to us and our daughter!?” By saying that Ramon “did this to us” it shows that they felt they were the subject of his betrayal. Then, Jaquelinne and Ramon describe her parents’ behavior as changing from the initial anger to accepting of the relationship after they are married. When Jaquelinne goes back to Honduras after her marriage, she says her mother accepted her with “open arms”. The use of body language shows that her parents accepted her back into the family.
Throughout the storytelling, Jaquelinne and Ramon communicate an overall mood of a light-hearted, happy, and nostalgic reflection. The tone can be seen in the following excerpt:
When I saw him I said, “He is different” (J and E laughs) And he came with pants that were tight, so tight. And of course he was much thinner (everyone laughs) […] I was the eldest of 5 kids. And then we went to the airport on a trip to Mexico (long pause) (bursts into laughter) (long pause) and when I didn’t come back from school.