Similarities Between Kite Runner And A Complicated Kindness

Shawn Corey Carter, known professionally as JAY-Z, is an American rapper and businessman. He has stated that "Identity is a prison you can never escape, but the way to redeem your past is not to run from it but to try to understand it and to use it as a foundation to grow." In the novels, The Kite Runner and A Complicated Kindness, the protagonists Amir and Naomi, have to overcome challenging situations which develop and help shape their identity. Neither protagonists fully realize or accept themselves until they face conflicts and difficult situations. It is through self-reflection on past circumstances that result in the protagonists learning and becoming who they want to be.

In each novel, the protagonist struggles with inner conflicts.

A struggle for Amir is the ability to stand up for himself and do what he believes is right. This results in him not standing up for his half-brother Hassan when he is being raped. "I opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had. But I didn't. I just watched. Paralyzed." (Page 61) If Amir dared to stand up for what he believed in, his life would have turned out differently. Witnessing the act and choosing not to help causes him great shame and he tells no one. Later in the novel, Amir is persuaded to rescue his brother's son that is held captive in his home country Afghanistan. As a result, Amir relieves himself of the guilt he has suffered in silence for years. Thus, his identity is strengthened, and he is free to be himself. In A Complicated Kindness, Naomi's inner conflict is her struggle to break free from the strict religious town East Village, the place in which she is born. "I've got a problem with endings." page 1. While this quote refers to her trouble with competing assignments, it also relates to her fear of spending the rest of her life in East Village and working at Happy Family Farms slaughtering chickens, the town's primary form of employment. It is through her excommunication from the community that her life is given more choice and freedom allowing her to become who she wants to grow to be. Both novels show the inner conflict that the protagonists deal with and challenge them to change or to stay as they are.
Not only do the protagonists deal with inner conflict but they also have conflicts in their relationship with their parents.

Amir's father Baba has high expectations from him, and Naomi's father offers her little support. In The Kite Runner, Amir doesn't feel loved and fully accepted by his father. Amir overhears his father, Baba, say that Amir does not stand up for anything and feels that Amir is not truly his son "If I hadn't seen the doctor pull him out of my wife with my own eyes, I'd never believe he's my son." (page 18). (This shapes Amir’s identity because the person that he looks up to is rejecting who he is.) At the same time, Baba offers no support in helping his son develop strong moral characteristics such as standing up for one’s self. If Amir is given more support, he would be able to pursue who he wants to be with confidence. Like Amir, Naomi deals with challenges in her relationship with her father, Ray. “It’s like he’s trying to dynamite his way through a mountain of so-called teenage contempt by saying goofy things knowingly in the hope that I’ll grant him mercy for identifying his own shortcomings before I can. It’s just an old sitcom script we fall back on. We have no idea how to act.” (page 161) Although Nomi’s father, Ray, loves her, Naomi recognizes the shortcomings of her relationship with her father because Ray cannot seem to connect or communicate with his daughter as Ray he struggles with his own emotions. Consequently, this happens at a time when Nomi needs her father the most. As a result, Nomi has no parental figure to go to when she needs guidance, leaving her directionless. Both protagonists deal with distant parental relationships that impact their identities. If their parents play more of an involved role, the protagonists would be able to get the support they need to make wise decisions, thus impacting their

identity.
Not only do the protagonists struggle in their relationship with their parents, but also with their parent’s problems. In the Kite Runner, Baba hides that fact that Hassan is his son. When Sohrab asks Amir why Baba hides this, Amir replies, "I think he was ashamed of himself." (page 323). This conflict has a tremendous impact on Amir's entire life. If Amir had known that Hassan was his half-brother, Amir's life would have turned out differently. This is because Amir would have felt more compelled to save Hassan, and potentially might have done so changing the course of his life and who he becomes. In A Complicated Kindness, Naomi must deal with not knowing where her mother is and, when she does eventually learn, she learns that her mother was excommunicated. "They threw my mother out. Gave her the old heave-ho. The term is excommunicated. She was excommunicated." (page 189) This too has a tremendous impact on Naomi's development as she is unable to move on from her mother’s disappearance and is essentially “lost in limbo” a term used to described the emotional challenges after the disappearance of a loved one. Moreover, she constantly wonders where her mother is or what’s happened to her. Consequently, this is not a conducive environment for a person to develop a healthy identity. (Parent conflicts have an impact on their child because the child takes on their conflicts as well, such as the case in the novels.)
While parenting is a core influence in the development of the protagonist’s identity, the novels show that community and culture play a significant role as well. Naomi and Amir both live in isolated communities that have strong attitudes on (how to act and behave, and )what is right and wrong. Growing up Amir is aware of his communities prejudges against Hazara people. "In the end, I was a Pashtun and he was a Hazara, I was Sunni and he was Shi'a, and nothing was ever going to change that. Nothing." (page 20) Because of the stereotyped opinions in his community, Amir felt ashamed to say that Hassan, who was a Hazara, was his friend. This impacts Amir's identity because he identifies as a Pashtun. As a result, Amir justifies his selfish actions of not helping Hassan when he is raped. While Amir eventually leaves the isolated community, he still lived there long enough to result in a conflict that separates his family. In A Complicated Kindness, Naomi feels disconnected from the place she is born. (This is due to the fact that her father cannot reach out to her emotionally after her mother and sister leave the community, she reacts in rebellious ways.) Nomi does everything that she has been taught is bad, not because she is bad but because she is confused about who she is. "But that's the thing about this town - there's no room for in between. You're in, or you're out. You're good, or you're bad. Actually, very good, or very bad. Or very good at being very bad without being detected." page 10 Both protagonists are brought up in places of extreme views with little outside influences thus placing limitations on who they can be. (This causes conflict and difficulties for each protagonist from discovering their own identity.) (repeat)
Bullies in a community contribute to conflicts facing Amir and Naomi in the novels through the fear of confronting them. The fear that both protagonists feel impacts their identities when they must choose to either stand up for what they believe is right or run away and stay as they are. Amir finds the courage to face his bully and to do what is right by saving Sohrab, his half-brother's son. "I tried to take a breath and couldn't...my face was burning.... he was already here, in the flesh, sitting less than ten feet from me, after all these years. His name escaped my lips: 'Assef'." page 241 The courage to stand up for what he believes in even in the face of adversity is not something he had when he was younger. His decision to rescue Sohrab is a better reflection of who he wants to be. Naomi also has to face a bully who happens to be her teacher, Mr. Quiring, although, Naomi does not do this in person but through a letter. Throughout the school year, Naomi's teacher, Mr. Quiring, takes his frustrations out on her. Through letters she finds in her mother’s dresser, she learns that Mr. Quiring and her mother had an affair. Because he disclosed the affair and painted her mother as a wicked adulterous woman, her mother was excommunicated. In response, Nomi writes him "Were you expecting her to take you back after calling her a nutcase and threatening to turn her over to The Mouth? You don't think flowers would have been more effective?" page 243. Through confronting their bullies Amir and Nomi found out they were stronger then they believed thus strengthening their identities.
Conflict within peer groups also influence identity, and both protagonists face their own inner struggles with peers. In The Kite Runner, Amir's low self-esteem causes him to feel envious of his friend, Hassan. Hassan gets positive attention from Ali, his father, which makes Amir jealous because he does not receive unconditional love from his own father, Baba. As a result, Amir becomes envious of anything that Hassan can do better than himself. For instance, when Amir had written a story he was proud of, Hassan questioned the ending of it and offered a better solution. "A voice, cold and dark, suddenly whispered in my ear, _What does he know, that illiterate Hazara? He'll never be anything but a cook. How dare he criticize you?" page 27. This shows Amir’s fragile confidence is easily hurt. In A Complicated Kindness, Nomi falls for Travis, a typical East Village teen. Afraid of losing him, she eventually gives him her first sexual experience. "In a way, I think it might have gone better if I hadn't been bald, drunk, depressed and jealous... I hadn't started crying in the truck on the way home and slammed it into reverse for no good reason going fifty miles per hour." page 216. Throughout the story, Nomi battles with the decision of whether or not to have sex with Travis. Peer groups play a significant impact on a person's identity through the pressure and comparison that comes with them. (In the end, Nomi and Amir learn that other peoples criticisms and pressures should not impact who they are or the decisions they make.)

Though a person's identity is partly socially constructed, it is through conflict and challenging situations that identity is defined and strengthened. If a person is surrounded by people that push for growth, such as a family and friends that love and support them, and a community that allows them to experiment and take risks, they will thrive. When someone is growing up exploration is key to discovering their identity however this causes trials and conflicts for the individual, but it also creates growth and understanding in who they are. (According to Motivational speaker Jim Rohn, “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” (4). Thus eventually, a person will become one with a group of their choosing.)