From having a knife pulled on you by your own mother to thinking about killing your own father, you sure had an unique childhood. I would like to categorize your relationship with your parents as “disorganized attachment… [where] the child is caught in a terrible dilemma: her survival instincts are telling her to flee to safety but safety is the very person who is terrifying her.” (Attachment Theory Worksheet) First off, I would like to talk how your mother pulling a knife at you signified a mixed message and led to the demise of your future love life. As a genius of your caliber, you were confused why she would pull a knife on you for not eating vegetables, when earlier before, she was praising your accomplishments! Such two-facedness would set a precedence for the type of women you would date later in life, preferring the ones that do not remind you of your mother. …show more content…
You said, “the resemblance between this girl [Naomi] and the picture of my mother in her high school yearbook … Because she wore red hair and freckles, this makes her, according to my unconscious one-track mind, my mother?” (Portnoy’s Complaint, 259-266) You are drawn to her all her good charms, comparing her to the “Jewish Pumpkin” (258) and even had the audacity to say, “I want to marry you.” (263). This sudden spurt of impulsiveness could be explained by a Rejection Theory. “Perhaps the best integration is to suggest that rejected people want to be accepted but also want to avoid being rejected again.” (Attraction and Rejection, 437) Conquering Naomi, in terms of marriage or intercourse, is a way for you to make amends of what happen with you and your mother during your
David Berkowitz, otherwise known as the “Son of Sam”, was notorious for his crimes committed between 1976 and 1977 that ended the lives of six innocent victims and wounded several others in New York (“David Berkowitz Biography”, n.d.). At first, police did not make a connection between the murders because there was nothing unusual about them; all the victims were shot with a 40 caliber gun, not fairly unusual during this time or place especially since the killings were over an extended period of time. Police finally made the connection when Berkowitz began to live behind notes that were meant to tantalize authorities since they had yet to catch him (“David Berkowitz| Son of Sam Killer,” 2015). Often times, the psychological structure of a human
I yelled at them, ignored them, and occasionally did the opposite they told me too. At the time, I thought that made me better than them, but in the end, it got me nowhere. Soon I entered high school and my bratty preteen-self calmed down. However, my parents became stricter on my grades because there was a big milestone that would be coming up in a few years, getting accepted into college. My parents made it very clear that if I did not get a large scholarship to any university, I would have to go to the local community college. That was the last thing I wanted to happen, I wanted out of the house. I now had a strong incentive to do well in school. I wanted to be able to go out on my own and escape their tight grasp on me. I completed year after year, always making “A’s” in my classes. I soon climbed to the top of my school’s ranking system and was at the top of my class. Though, this did not matter to me, I wanted out of my house. At this point, I knew I was not disappointing my parents, they were as proud as can be with a daughter at the top of her class. This was the first time in my life that I felt as if my parents were generally proud of me and my accomplishments. I still however, felt guilty. Even though I was doing it for myself, I felt bad that I wanted to escape my parents. I did not hate them, I just could not stand being under their control
Criticisms of attachment theory have come mainly from the feminist schools of thought since the theory has been used to argue that no woman with a young child should work outside the home or spend time away from her baby (Goodsell and Meldrum, 2010). Children’s experience and development also depend on what happens after early years, whether bad or good later in life may change a child’s emotional development, e.g. lack of basic needs, diet, education, stimulation such as play might affect a child’s development (Rutter, 1981) Difference in cultures have to be taken into consideration as well. A study by Schaffer and Emmerson (1964) provided contradictory evidence from Bowlby’s attachment theory. They noted attachment was more prominent at eight months, and afterwards children became attached to more than one person. By one year six months only 13%of infants had one attachment. This study by Schafer and Emmerson (1964) concluded care giver can be male or female and mothering can be a shared responsibility. Social workers should therefore understand that parents are not totally responsible for the way the children develop. They did give them their genes and therefore do have some influence. Attachment theory also fails to consider the fact that the father and siblings, and other close relatives can also
In understanding others, one must first understand our own family background and how it affects our understanding of the world. Conversely, family systems draw on the view of the family as an emotional unit. Under system thinking, one evaluates the parts of the systems in relation to the whole meaning behavior becomes informed by and inseparable from the functioning of one’s family of origin. These ideas show that individuals have a hard time separating from the family and the network of relationships. With a deeper comprehension of the family of origin helps with the challenges and awareness of normalized human behaviors. When interviewing and analyzing the family of origin, allow one to look at their own family of origin
For example, Magai & Passman (1997) discovered a strong relationship between secure attachments and emotional well-being of middle aged adults, which extends to individuals later in life. Understanding the role of attachment and its psychosocial impact during later life is an important area that needs further research. In regards to TMT, close relationships offer security, protection, and give meaning to life (Mikulincer, Florian, & Hirschberger, 2003).
John Bowlby’s attachment theory established that an infant’s earliest relationship with their primary caregiver or mother shaped their later development and characterized their human life, “from the cradle to the grave” (Bowlby, 1979, p. 129). The attachment style that an infant develops with their parent later reflects on their self-esteem, well-being and the romantic relationships that they form. Bowlby’s attachment theory had extensive research done by Mary Ainsworth, who studied the mother-infant interactions specifically regarding the theme of an infant’s exploration of their surrounding and the separation from their mother in an experiment called the strange situation. Ainsworth defined the four attachment styles: secure, insecure/resistant, insecure/avoidant and disorganized/disoriented, later leading to research studies done to observe this behavior and how it affects a child in their adolescence and adulthood.
Bowlby 's attachment theory is used a lot in settings as children gain strong bonds with the teachers and key workers in the setting. Having a secure attachment in the setting can have a variety of positive or negative impacts on the child depending on how emotionally attached they are. A strength of the attachment theory is that by children gaining attachment with their key worker it can help the practitioner support the child and meet their needs in the setting. By a child having an attachment to their key worker it can help their development as they are more engaged with the staff. Again research has shown that the quality of a child’s learning and the development of resilience can depend on the quality of their relationships both with their
Attachment is an emotional bond that is from one person to another. The attachment theory is a psychological, an evolutionary and an ethological theory that is concerned with relationships between humans, specifically between mother and infant. A young infant has to develop a relationship with at least one of their primary caregivers for them to develop socially and emotionally. Social competence is the condition that possesses the social, emotional and intellectual skills and behaviours, the infant needs these to success as a member of society. Many studies have been focused on the Western society, but there are many arguments to whether or not this can be applicable to other cultures, such as the poorer countries.
One important component of Attachment theory talks about fear children have in which children have less fear when they are aware of their primary caregivers’ availability and affection leads to a secure attachment to form between a caregiver and child. On the other hand, Erikson states that if the virtue of hope is not established then an infant will have a fear and start to mistrust and this will affect the development. This will have an effect on the confidence that the children develop during infancy, childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. A child can start to present separation anxiety and stranger anxiety at around 9 to 18 months a child had a stranger anxiety when they were young, that may affect their development based on the type of Patterns of attachment are secure, avoidant, and ambivalent. If a child had a secure attachment he will probably not have any form of trust issues and long-lasting relationships, a secure attachment will impact his self-esteem and have a good healthy relationship with his parents and friends and seek out social support from others because of him being able to function by himself in his adolescence and adulthood. On the other hand, if a child experienced avoidant or
Bowlby’s attachment theory has greatly influenced practice. His theory of attachment explains the importance of having a figure that the child shares a strong bond with. Having an attachment can significantly support a child’s development as Barbara Woods suggests that “his theory of attachment proposed that attachment is innate in both infants and mothers, and that the formation of this attachment is crucial for the infants development” Wood, B (2001, p.53). Bowlby believed that forming an attachment will help a child develop in all areas e.g. emotionally, physical and mentally. However if they did not form an attachment in the sensitive period, the child may have issues or problems in their cognitive, emotional and social development. “Attachment is as essential for the child’s psychological well-being as food is for physical health claimed Bowlby” Wood, B (2001, p.54). Bowlby claimed in this statement that attachment is a necessary thing which a child needs in order to develop healthily.
As mother rushed to the emergency room, I felt strangely unsettled hinting the change of the meaning of my existence. No matter how many times I begged to visit my mother, everyone told me that it was prohibited. The doctors seemed apathetic to me since they rejected a 3-year-old in the verge of tears. That incident signaled a negative chain of events responsible in the drastic change of my personality. I became antisocial, lost my trust in adults, talked to stuffed animals rather than humans, and became overly independent and mature. Adults around me would gossip expressing their jealousy towards me as I traveled a different wavelength than their children. I drifted apart from my parents as they became busier with work and didn’t have time to help me conquer my psychological insecurities. I was bullied in elementary school for not speaking and was tormented by teachers who didn’t believe me or step in. Soon, I lost my trust in adults and stressed my mental state into hallucinating the false reality of them accepting me if I pushed myself to the limits to please them. Although I was awkward from my trauma, I didn’t fail to meet my parents’ expectations; in fact, I surpassed
When we moved to California right after my tenth birthday is when I began to notice a negative shift in our relationship. My mom had just divorced my dad and moved us to California, and I resented her for it. It started out as bickering back and forth, and began to escalate into poor communication between us. I began to want to be more independent from my mom, and she did not take that very well. Fast-forward to a couple years later, I felt that she only saw me as a rebellious, hormonal teenager who constantly lied to her and who she could not trust. I saw her as a controlling helicopter parent,
When my father blew up at my mother we were all expecting him to. The argument of "I want steak" and "I was working all day" was common in our family. I immediately took my mother's side like I usually did because no one in our family appreciates or respects what she does. My father would later grow to regret what he said and apologize. Tonight was different though. My mother usually took my father's comments in stride knowing he really does not mean what he says. But, this time they both exploded at each other and my mother ended up running out of the kitchen upset, retiring to her room.
I was still, grounded, settled, but felt as lost as I was before. My mom and I’s relationship grew and shrunk throughout the years. When I was ten years old my mom got pregnant with my little sister, Chris left us… my mom, me, and his baby. I had to be the rock, the foundation, everyones crying shoulder. I became silenced, scared, distant, closed. My opening personality was closed with a twenty foot wall, a wall that no one could get through, they could try but would never succeed. When Chris left, I developed abandonment problems, my biological father left me, now my stepdad and best friend has left me. I didn’t understand, never have, and never will. When Elly was two years old Chris came back into our lives, distant at first, but came back to being my dad and best friend. My mom and I started to fight a lot when I entered high school. It was a constant battle, she struggled with her mental illness and I was fighting high school. My sophomore year I struggled with depression, scared to tell anyone, so I masked it with a bubbly personality that everyone loved. My mom was my best friend and now she was the woman making me want to leave and never come back… So many words
I was sitting on my bed, my laptop in front of me. The light illuminating from the screen was the only light in the room, more likely the only house. I was home alone due to my mom taking late shift at the local bar, but she should have been back by now. I assumed she was at some ones house. It wouldn't surprise me. She gets off with anyone she meets, man or woman. It sickens me, how my mother acts around other people, and around me. She's been like it ever since dad died. Attacked by a serial killer when he was coming home from his late night shift at the gas station. His body was found on the street, a smile carved into his face with the words "Go to sleep" written in blood on his white work T shirt.... (Shut up.) My mom has constantly