Personal Narrative: How My Sexual Orientation Affected My Life

In my subjective opinion, I believe that I had a decent family, through my youthful years I held onto a certain theory of mines which involve a belief that I was a product of agency and that my choices, values, principles, and beliefs were things that I had cumulated and absorbed through my own volition. In which social interactions and media had no effect on me or my family’s daily routines and actions. The reason why I was fixated on this theory of because my mother once proclaimed to me and my sisters that “people can change who you are.” She did not give much explanation on her claim, but I wanted to decipher her riddle and thus, I decided in high school I would study the arts of sociology, at first the purpose was to prove that my beliefs, but now that I am in college I am unsure whether my theory is valid. In this essay I

will look at my past and explain how gender, race, sexual orientation, and other social categories affect my life.
Starting with my gender, I was told that I was a boy (even though at the time I had no real knowledge of what that really meant.) In my family of five I started as the youngest with two older sisters. At that time it was difficult to distinguish myself from my sister who is the second oldest, now and again she would be labeled as my twin. The reason for that was because I had long hair as a child (age 3) and occasionally my sisters would dress me in female clothing, their purpose was usually to find a suitable set of clothes to wear to go outside. Basically I was the experiment to achieve their goal, sometimes my mother would give her opinion of the clothes my sisters choose for themselves, but never a statement of opposition towards the feminine clothes my sisters would put on me (During my adolescent I was told about my childhood. I questioned her about my sister’s actions, her response was that it was cute, and didn’t want to spoil my sister’s fun.)
My mother was considerate of others for that reason she was raised on the theory masculinity/femininity was social constructed and that everyone was unique but the same. I had no real preference of the situation, mostly because I did not understand rules of. My father on the other hand did not admire when my sisters would dress me. He was strategic, and prideful due to that he was taught that there were differences between genders. He would always spout his opposition towards how my sisters would interact with me, but trying to tell children about gender seemed pointless, so counter this he shaved my hair and we were given our own rooms with a significant difference. I had a blue colored room with typical boy objects including boy’s gym shoe, a pinball machine, some action figures, and some posters of power rangers. While my sisters had a pink colored room with girl’s shoes, a doll house, some dolls, and a poster of Barbie.
My father wanted me to get more involve masculinely activates, but I had a weak constitution so I could not get involve in basketball or football, but even this wouldn’t stop him from trying to gain a suitable son as I grew older my father would provoke me until I would strike him, from this I became easily agitated. He realized my rage, then took me to the gym to learn how to box, he figured since my lack of friends plus how my sisters would constantly engage in fights between themselves and with others at school that would need to be able to defend myself, I was instructed to also defend my childhood friend Brooklyn because she was a female. I had involved in many fights throughout my middle school year, when I did PTC my teacher told my parents that’s its naturally for a male to be violent. My father was satisfied, but my mother clearly stated her disproval of my behavior and I was instructed to cease fighting.
Next how my race affected my life was pretty neutral at first, because I never gave much thought about being a person of color. I did not attend many diverse schools, and when I did the school was diverse then it would be around five percent. I did not the whole meaning of being a black male, but from what I observed was the stereotypic notion of: fighting, rapping, and basketball also since I am a male that means I’m prone to violence. The only reasons why I strayed from those stereotypes is because; my mother instructed to not engage in any more fights, I was introduced to rock then rap due to sisters, and finally in the past my weak constitution would prevent allow to enjoy the game of basketball therefore I perceived the sport as trivial. Even though I can negate these stereotypes does not I can do anything about them for example when entering a store or supermarket I am sometimes followed, police officers would stop me a search me then interrogate me about gangs, and I am constantly asked about “who is my favorite rapper/basketball player.” Other than cliché stereotypes and the fact that due to my location I would usually be placed in a predominately black institution. I believe my race has not tremendously affected my life.
Next how my sexual orientation affected my life, my orientation is heterosexual.

My parent is very open about sexual preference & orientation which my oldest sister was bisexual. Most of my knowledge came from my father, when I think about it was probably set me on a path that he prefers. He taught me on to behave around women; including flirting, maintain a decent attitude, also to handle and control a conversation. When I entered high school I learned something very critical; “teenagers are cruel.” At this stage of your life you should try and make a good impression, which is what my parents advise me, but as continued the ritual of attending high school I observed two things; which is that you a judged for action for taking, and that can be labeled as a homosexual for anything. High school was like a test for boys to see if you were really heterosexual. Here are some examples that could get you labeled as homosexual; If you had a high voice, had too many male friends, had too many female friends, if you joined cheerleading, choir, or dance clubs, etc. I have no phobia towards homosexuals, but high school creates that belief of

homophobia.
Another social factor that had affected my life would be my religion affiliation. My mother was Christian so we went to church when we were kids. My father on the other hand was not religion, as I grew older I have realized the different views and ideas other religions uphold. in my teenage years I stop attending church (mostly because their view and ideas conflicted with the knowledge I have obtained over the years.) Also most sociologists try to obtain an unbiased standpoint on issues, therefore I decided back then I would identify myself as non-religious. I thought to myself why would I claim something that I have no knowledge of? Must put me on the path of studying the different religions, and if someone asks me to join I could clearly give my reasons for not wanting to be affiliated with any religion. My entire family accepted my choice. There is no norm that states because I am African American, heterosexual, male that I have to believe in Christianity, but the American part sometimes brings a stereotype in its own volition.
In conclusion society has always had a fight between social structure and free will. Whether my actions are because I live in a structural society that values, norms, and beliefs have already ceased control over my individuality, or if the source my actions are because I am an individual who is unaffected my society influence and that I have fully control over my life is still to be determined. It could be a mixture both, but the most vital thing right now is that I continue down my path of knowledge and to pass down my knowledge when I’m done, it’s the least I can do.