Memoirs of the Disillusioned

1432 Words3 Pages

Oh to be loved! How I long for that experience: to be needed and desired, to be chased and to know without a doubt that I posses someone’s deepest affections. I long to be folded up in their arms and to know that I am safe. Embarking on a great adventure with a companion who will never fail me would be utterly wondrous. The things we would conquer! The heights we would reach! The depths we would explore and the love that would be forever ours. No, I cannot afford to let myself indulge in such silly fantasies. For that is what they truly are, at least that is what I must tell myself. For someone in my position, I cannot even dare to hope for such a reality. Yet no matter how hard I try to push it away, no matter how hard I try to bury it beneath layers of callous, it always comes back. Wriggling its way into my heart and plunging its merciless roots into my very core. Sometimes I can cover the pain at least for a while. Letting my mind slide into oblivion while another uses me for their own sick pleasure. It is reduced to a dull ache then, just a distant throbbing, Laborious and afflicting, yet to some extent livable. Looking back on days gone by, I remember the ignorance into which I was born. If only I could return to those days and let myself be blind just a few moments longer. I still felt the pain then, yes, but I had hope of a sort. I thought I could free myself from its grasp, I thought I could climb out of the pit of longing I had inherited. So began my search. I began giving myself to others to see if they could fill my emptiness. My heart came first and my body followed. For a while, I felt I had the answer. Finally, the solution was within my grasp! However, as I would discover, I could never reach it. I could neve... ... middle of paper ... ...as though in that one look he saw all of who I was, all of what I had done. Yet he was not disgusted or repulsed as I would have expected. Instead, he took my shaking body into his arms and spoke tenderly to me. His words moved my soul as though it was made to hear them. His voice penetrated to the deep layers of my heart, cutting through the callous and rooting out the seeds of wickedness that had for so long made their home there. He told me from then on he would take me as his betrothed, he would clothe me in robes of glory, he would satisfy my hungry soul, and best of all he would love me. If a thousand pens were to undertake a description of the joy that I felt at that moment they would produce but a shadow of the original. Therefore, I shall not even attempt it. I must content myself simply to say that his love was life to me, and his love endures forever.

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