Jodee's Second Book, Please Stop Bullying

As a noun, the Merriam-Webster dictionary (n.d., para 5) defines a bully as a person who teases, hurts, or threatens a smaller or weaker person.

As a verb, the Merriam-Webster dictionary (n.d., para 3) defines it as to frighten, hurt, or threaten to act like a bully toward someone. To cause someone to do something by making threats or insults or by using force.

In the 15th and 16th centuries, a feudal lord would refer to his sweetheart as his “bully.” A term that was applicable to both men and women as their “lover” (Peters, 2010).
Several centuries later the term changed to “blusterer” - someone who was full of hot air and empty threats (Nunn, 2013).
Then around 1780 to “a tyrannical coward who makes himself

a terror to the weak” (Peters, 2010).
The definitions we use today for bully did not come about until the 20th century.

Bullying, in the negative sense, is an issue that has plagued societies throughout history. Currently bullying has reached an all time high.

With advances in technology, cyberbullying is occurring more frequently. Students can send anonymous messages through the use of apps to target their victims.

A group called Love Our Children USA (Stompoutbullying.org, n.d., para. 3) says 1 out of 4 teens are bullied.

43% fear harassment in the bathroom.

282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month.

35% of kids admit they have been threatened online.

58% have not told their parents or an adult about something mean/hurtful that happened to them online.

According to the National Centre Against Bullying (Types, n.d., para. 1) there are four kinds of bullying:
Physical- consists of any physical harm to a person like hitting, kicking, punching, or throwing something at them.
Verbal- includes name calling, insults, teasing, intimidation, homophobic or racist remarks, or verbal abuse.
Social- sometimes called covert or hidden bullying, it is designed to humiliate or harm someone’s reputation. Includes lying, rumors, facial or physical gestures, deliberately exclude someone, and nasty jokes to embarrass or humiliate someone.
Cyber- using digital technologies through abusive text, emails, posts, images, or videos.

First, not all students who are being bullied show warning signs or ask for help. Stopbullying.gov (Warning Signs, n.d. Para. 4) shares the following warning signs:

Injuries that occur often and cannot be explained.
Lost or destroyed personal items (clothes, books, electronics, etc.)
Frequent headaches, stomachaches, other illness, or faking ill.
Changes in eating habits, especially after lunch (their lunch may be taken).
Grades are dropping, loss of interest in school, or missing a lot of school.
Sudden loss of friends or hard time making friends.
Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem.
Self destructive behavior (harming themselves, talk of suicide, or running away).

Stopbullying.gov (Warning Signs, n.d. Para. 5) also says that not all children who are bullying others will ask for help. It is just as important to talk to the student who is being a bully. Talking to the student can help identify the underlying reason for their actions.
Stopbullying.gov says to look for kids who may be showing these signs:
Get into physical or verbal fights; are aggressive
Have friends who bully others
Frequently gets sent to the principal or has detentions
Unexplained extra money or belongings
Blame others for their actions
Do not accept responsibility for their actions

If a student approaches you about bullying, it is important for you to put yourself into a helping mindset first.

Take a deep breath. You must remain calm and push all distractions aside so that you can completely focus on the student and their issue or concern.

Focus your attention on the speaker.

Give them your full attention by listening to what they are saying, stop whatever it is you were doing, make eye contact, nodding your head in understanding, and slightly turn your right ear to their direction for processing the information.

Stay neutral. Keep yourself from making judgements about the issue or concern.

Communicate compassion and empathy for the person.

In her second book, Please Stop Laughing at Us, (2008, p. 415-418) Jodee shares what teachers should say to their bullied student and do:
Say, “I don’t know how you feel. I can’t imagine what you are going through.”
“Let’s talk about an action that we can take together today to help solve this problem of bullying you are facing.”
Contact a park district, public library, or community center one town over and ask for a list of youth programs. Help the student find something that they can participate in.
Contact the parents and constructively explain the solutions you and the student have come up with.
Be a friendly figure that will approach the concerns as an ally.
6. Don’t make it worse by chastising a tormentor in public. Devise a plan to talk with the victim
elsewhere and then approach the assailants in a different location at a later time.

7. Use compassion punishment. Jodee says that traditional punishments do not work. It

only
makes them angrier. She suggests instead of detention, require them to do one thing nice for
another person everyday for two weeks and to log it in a notebook how the recipient responded.

8. Don’t take sides because they both need love and support. When approaching the bully, begin
the conversation on an encouraging note. Be as general as possible and avoid using the victim’s
name to prevent retaliation later.

9.

Get backup if administration is not helping with the situation. Plead your case to the school
board and if that doesn’t work contact the education reporter at your local paper.

10. Creatively incorporate an anti-bullying curriculum into your content. For example, in social
studies as we talk about different people and how they were treated different or shunned for
their beliefs.

When working with other staff members and parents it is important to have the understanding that it is not “someone else’s responsibility” to do something. Everyone should do their part to stop bullying.

Schools need to provide their staff a training on their district’s bullying prevention policy. Without proper training, teachers may not recognize some behaviors as bullying and then ineffectively treating it with the traditional discipline system (Edutopia, Oct 20, 2013, para. 3)

Teachers need to be trained to identify and respond to inappropriate behavior and to be vigilant and visible in the hallways, stairwells, locker rooms, and cafeterias. Have students draw a map of areas that bullying has happened, then share it with the staff to make sure there is coverage.

Treat students and others with compassion and respect. Be there for them and let them know you will listen and help

them.

Take immediate action if you witness or hear of bullying. Doing nothing sends the message that you condone the behavior.

Encourage parents to:

keep the communication open with their child about how their school day was. Children are more likely to get their parents involved when they have already established a good line of communication.

set a good example when communicating with others.

teach their child what behaviors are acceptable and which are not early on.

explain that it is not okay for them to bully, be bullied, or be a bystander watching others be bullied.

If a child is being bullied at school contact the teacher, school counselor, principal, or superintendent. If things are not being handled properly, contact the State Department of Education.

Stopbullying.gov provides assistance in what to do when someone is being bullied. Click on the Get Help Now tab for examples of specific problems and what you can do to help.

Contact the KNEA Bullying Prevention Hotline. The 24-hour hotline can be reached at (1-800-332-6378 or 1-800-CHILDREN). You can also contact the hotline via text or e-mail at [e-mail].

Kansas Prevention Resources provides various links to services and resources for students, parents, teachers, and administration at http://www.kerc-ks.org/sdfs/KKS_ks_services.aspx.