Inherently Dysfunctional Relationships

An inherently dysfunctional relationship requires two equal but opposite forces. In the case of Jen and her narcissist partner John, as in most partnerships with narcissists, it involved a pleaser who is codependent and the narcissist who is a controller. The narcissist partner attracts the codependent person by being the one who offers to lead them through the dance of life. They appear powerful, competent, and knowledgeable. This gives the codependent person who is typically afraid of mistakes a sense of security, which initially is attractive. However, as the dance of life progresses, the narcissist become more boldly selfish and causes their partners to loose his or her sense of self worth, ability to connect with others, or feeling that she could have a life without the partner. The resulting fear makes the codependent person too paralyzed to take action to escape. Although they could benefit greatly from therapy, they don’t even feel that therapy is an option. Their partner makes them feel sad, helpless, and suggests that all their problems are the result of external forces, leaving them angry at the world. This manipulation is why so many never escape.

Even after they grow and leave the nest, they feel that everything they do is a reflection of the parent and thus must meet the narcissist’s expectations. As an adult, these children exhibit a personality and behavioral pattern that is not their own. Instead it is when they think that their parent or others want from them. They become a people pleaser and feel that any time something goes wrong or someone is unhappy it is their fault. Since these people’s childhood was so corrupt and drama filled, as adults they tend to seek out toxic relationships. They are lifetime people pleasers who quash their own feelings and needs, unless they get psychotherapy or other treatment to help save them from their experiences with the