I Witness Film Techniques

DEADLY VIEWS presents as a mystery thriller. The goal is clear and the stakes are high. The script does a nice job of creating a mystery about the identity of the true killer. Themes about healing and revenge are incorporated into the script.

While there are certainly smart elements to the plot, it would also benefit from more development. First, there are plenty of thrillers and murder mysteries in the industry and to be successful they need to offer a new point of view or twist. The script attempts to do this with the “I Witness” videotapes, but unfortunately, it’s not enough of a hook to make the plotline feel unique or distinctive.

Thus, try to find a stronger hook that makes this script stand out. For example, in the thriller, INSOMNIA,

He once drank too much. This has been done many times before in film and TV, and unfortunately, isn’t compelling enough. Thus, overall Mick presents as somewhat of an ordinary character versus exciting. Also, the idea that he falls for Rebecca feels predictable.

Rebecca’s backstory is also the type of past that the viewer has seen before, so this also doesn’t offer a new point of view.
Moreover, the audience throughout the script, bonds with Rebecca as the main heroine, and thus, the twist that she’s the real killer may not feel satisfying to the viewer.
They may feel cheated or tricked that the woman they are rooting for is the murderer. It’s been done in film before, but it never offers a fully satisfying conclusion.

The other concern about the presentation is the structure, pace, and

For example, there are two similar scenes with Mick in which he looks at a whiskey bottle and decides not to drink. This feels redundant (pages 49 and at the end).

It should be noted that Mick is likable and it’s smart that he’s stuck in the past, as well planted by his old flip phone and CD’s. At the end, he grows as a character as he learns to finally move on with his life. One gets the sense that he has learned to forgive himself for not protecting his family. Try to incorporate his inner guilt about not protecting them more into the storyline. That’s why he volunteers at the center and is a coach and that’s probably why he wants to protect Rebecca. Consider making him the main protagonist versus Rebecca (as structured it feels more like her story rather than Mick).

On a small note, the chemistry between Mick and Rebecca feels mild and this can also be an area to further develop.

Finally, clarify Rebecca’s motivation for going after the victims she goes after. It’s not clear why she would target Denise, who tries to help women. It seems she would go after men who try to control women like her father.

The script is professionally