I Lost My Baby Dialectical Journal

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Recommended: Responsibility of parent

July 18, 2015, 7:28 pm. The nurses tell me I’ve lost my baby. Shawn is enraged. I see him storm out the hospital doors before my vision becomes blurry and tears start falling down my cheeks. I hear the door open but can’t see who it is. Then I feel arms wrap around me and pull me into a tight hug. I recognize the familiar embrace and realize it’s my mom. She whispers comforting coohs and barely audible words. I feel her shirt pressed against my forehead drenched with my tears so I know she can feel it too but she doesn’t say anything. She only hugs me tighter as my loud sobs quiet down and become soft hiccups. “It’s my birthday.” I whisper just loud enough for her to hear. “I know baby.” she says, “I’m sorry.” I can tell by her voice that …show more content…

But, I promise you I was ready for it all because it was all for you. Carrying you for 8 months had It’s pros and cons. You made mommy fat, I gained a bad habit of eating ice, and made the bathroom my best friend. I always said that as soon as I got ahold of you I was giving you your first whooping for giving me all these stretch marks. Throughout all the changes my body went through, the feeling of you moving around and kicking me was the best. I never thought that I would walk in that hospital, preparing myself for those contractions because it was finally the day I was gonna meet my baby girl, to end up getting rolled out that same hospital in a wheel chair with an empty car seat. Even when the nurses said that you were gone I still didn’t believe it. I just knew you were going to come out screaming at the top of your lungs until my mom handed me you and you laid there in my arms so helpless. From that moment on I felt like I failed you. I blamed myself for losing you because I couldn’t even do the one thing that you needed me to do most, which was to give you life. I don’t know where I went wrong. Maybe I wasn’t eating right, maybe I was rushing you to come out when you weren’t ready, or maybe I didn’t go to the doctor enough. Sometimes I feel like God took you because he knew I didn’t deserve you. I was too busy worried about everybody

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