I Just Wanted to be a Barbie Girl

1109 Words3 Pages

All I remember from my tenth birthday is how psyched I was about having received the very Barbie doll I’d wanted from my beautiful big sister Maggie. She’d just gone off to college, and anything we shared was automatically the most precious thing I owned. That Barbie doll with golden hair and tinsel adorned clothing became my obsession.

For days I came home after school and locked myself in my room until Mother forced me to come and eat dinner with the family. Father always tried to occupy me with questions about my school day.

“Maxine, I hear you’re learning the anatomy of the brain in science…,” his words flowed steadily in their drone-like tone.

They made the effort to talk to me, but it didn’t matter. Barbie doll was always on my mind: her plump lips, perfectly shaped curves, and skinny thighs kept me thinking about how imperfect I was and how much I admired her figure.

“Maxine, I’m talking to you. Where’s your head lately, sweetie? Is there something you’d like to talk about?” He practically snapped at me with a concerned tone. My reply was as distant as my mind as I imagined myself being weightless in space, floating amongst the stars.

“I’m just exhausted from all the learning I did today. May I be excused?”

“Yes, you may.”

Mother chimed in with pure paternal concern.

“Sweetie, you’ve hardly touched your food.”

We all looked at my plate and saw the same thing: a full serving of mashed potatoes mixed around with the peas and a few stray chunks of meat that I’d been poking at for a while.

“I’m just really wiped… not much of an appetite tonight.”

“But, Maxi, it’s your favorite, honey… meat loaf and mashed potatoes with the skin mixed in. Do you have a fever?” She reached out to feel my forehead....

... middle of paper ...

...d find. Finally I kneeled in front of the toilet. That’s when my plan went all wrong.

Maggie wasn’t supposed to be home from University until next week. I didn’t know what I was going to do then, but I wasn’t going to worry about it until the problem of her presence arrived. She came home early, though. She heard the storm I stirred up in the kitchen and decided to stay hidden. Then she made her presence known before I could continue with my rituals.

It was surreal waking up this morning on my second anniversary of being committed to the psychiatric ward – in the wing specializing in eating disorders. Who would have thought the gift of plastic flowing hair and perfect proportions could drive a girl into oblivion? I just wanted to be her. Now I have to find out who I am and appreciate that person, or I’ll never leave this place. I just want to be… me.

More about I Just Wanted to be a Barbie Girl

Open Document