Humorous Wedding Speech by a Friend of the Groom (Bridegroom)
Good afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen - My name is Charles. I've tried to memorise this speech, but forgive me if I resort to my notes every five seconds. I did ask for an autocue to be set up in front of me, but apparently the wedding budget doesn't stretch that far. And, unfortunately, neither does my eyesight.
Laughter
I've known Steven for 22 years now and we've had more good times than I can remember - and we'd have had a one more if I hadn't run out of money in that strip cub on the other night. During this period, I’ve seen Steven go through many evolutionary changes to end up the man he is today. And in order to understand exactly what went wrong, we must start by examining his early goals in life.
At school, Steven had two goals:
1) To play for the school baseball (cricket) team – which he did. In fact, his prowess was legendary and he single-handedly rewrote the school record books - shortest time at bat (in bat), most catches dropped and most unforced errors in a single game (wides bowled in an over). The list is endless.
2) To star in a school play – and his first opportunity came with the school’s major production of “Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs”, in which Steven was cast as one of the dwarfs. And very soon, he had made the part his own. From the outset, he personified his role day and night, living and breathing the essence of his character. And many say they’ve never since seen a more virtuoso performance of Dopey.
After leaving school, Steven’s goal was to travel the world. But he only got as far as New Zealand, where we all new it would suit him down to the ground. What with the sun, sea, surf and, of course, the biggest draw of them all – the sheep.
On his return, his goal was to land a job in a bank because they had the two things he liked best: money and holidays. But if it hadn’t been for me it might never have happened. When applying for the job he asked me to give his application form a quick once over before he sent it off. It was a good thing he did. Where he was asked, ‘Length of residence at present address,’ he had replied, ‘About 20 meters – not counting the garage.
In her essay, “The Wreck of Time,” Annie Dillard explains the significance of an individual and how a person determines the significance of the self. Dillard analyzes the points where the human race becomes insignificant and the importance of the population becomes questionable throughout the history. She is trying to evoke the reader to question his/her vitality in the world. Tim O’Brien illustrates the element of a true war story and what makes a war story true in his work, “How to Tell a True War Story.” A soldier’s war story will not be the exact story of a war but it is a collection of how the soldier perceives each war experiences. O’Brien illustrates how remarkable experiences are chosen by the soldier. In his novel, “Into the Wild,” Jon Krakauer analyzes Chris McCandless’s journey to Alaska and the purpose of this journey. McCandless could have searched for his own self by staying in the social world where he lived, nevertheless disconnects all his links with the external world and tries to discover himself. McCandless tried to stand out from the stereotypical people and make him a bit more significant. All three authors use various language techniques to make their argument. A text’s tone, syntax and diction strengthen the language of the text. Dillard poses numerous questions to readers. These questions can stimulate emotion that is similar to the one that is portrayed in the text. O’Brien uses stories with different plots and expresses his ideas. Different plots make readers think in various angles. Krakauer analyzes his thoughts about McCandless and reevaluate the misconception he had about McCandless. Since Krakauer uses voices of multiple individuals, readers will be exposed to different views. All three authors try...
Author Tim O’Brien in “How to Tell a True War Story” uses the physical and mental mindset of isolation in the Vietnam war to create a story with many literary devices that makes a captivating story. The author uses point of view, verbal irony, and the character Tim O’Brien to enhance his written experiences of the Vietnam War. This story teaches the reader that experiences that were lived by the reader can be altered by the mind to a certain extent, where they can be questioned as true or not. Perhaps at a sports game or in a heated situation such as a police chase or court case. Tim O’Brien’s experiences have captivated many readers, but are they true? Or just a product of insanity from war? Well, Tim O’Brien leaves that up to the reader to decide.
Good evening. I would like to begin by welcoming each and every one of you to this joyous and stressful occasion.
...ue war story is a way of introspection. Questioning about the war story and finding the components it has, provide more meaning to the true war story rather than accepting as it is. Through his journey to the Alaskan wilderness, Krakauer discovers more about McCandless. Krakauer constructs some ideas about McCandless from the information he gathered. Although the exact meaning of McCandless journey as well as the true war story is impenetrable, introspection gives main ideas about them and clears the ambiguities. O’Brien and Krakauer use the introspection as a tool and dismantle the obscure part of these experiences.
Now I was a bit unsure about the duties of a best man, although I told Brian very early on that there was no way I was going to get off with a bridesmaid – I say that with no offence intended to Claire and Nicola who I’m sure you’ll all agree look lovely, and have done a great job today. So to find out what was expected of me, I turned to the internet and managed to find some really interesting stuff… but then remembered what I had gone onto it for in the first place, and set about plagiarising other people’s speeches from all the wedding sites I could find. So I accept no responsibility if this end result is rubbish. I know many of you will have been to a few weddings in your time, so can I suggest that you entertain yourselves quietly by playing wedding bingo – every time you hear a witty comment in my speech that you have already heard at another wedding, give yourself a point and the first one to five wins a piece of wedding cake.
In Charlotte Bronte’s, Jane Eyre, Jane goes through numerous self-discoveries, herself-realization and discipline leads her to a life she chooses to make her happy. Jane Eyre has a rough life from the start. Forced to stay with people who despise her, Jane can only help herself. Jane must overcome the odds against her, which add to many. Jane is a woman with no voice, until she changes her destiny. The novel Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte consists of continuous journeys through Jane’s life towards her final happiness and freedom.
It is customary for the best man to retell an embarrassing tale or two from the bridegroom’s past. As Gary’s oldest friend, this part of the speech fell to me. However, I had two problems with this. Firstly, Gary originally insisted on vetting the speech, which would have meant me going to the trouble of preparing two speeches. Luckily, he relented. Secondly, Gary is the original Mr. Nice Guy and it's very difficult to think of anything bad to say about him. So, back to you Steve!
Also, I'd like to say that the bride looks absolutely stunning today, as for the groom he just looks stunned. I am on a strict time limit from the bride, so the more you laugh at my jokes, the quicker my speech will be.
Let me first say that the bridesmaids look absolutely smashing today, and only rightly outshone by our bride, Pamela. And, I'm sure you'll agree with me gentlemen, today is a sad day for single men, as another beauty leaves the available list. And ladies, I'm sure you'll agree that today's passing by without much of a ripple.
Finally after what seemed like years, I walked out to greet my new father-in-law and my new wife. I shook his hands as he gave away his youngest daughter to start our own family, and then I reached out for the arm of my bride. Together we walked the rest of the way down the aisle and stood in front of the pastor’s
When I look at the bride and groom, I feel such a kaleidoscope of emotions. I know that Kari has found her true match and I know that theirs will be a marriage of long standing. My heart is bursting with love for you two today. I know you have a wonderful adventure ahead of you, and with God?s blessing your marriage will last for decades to come.
As an unwed governess in the Victorian era, Charlotte Brontë’s protagonist Jane Eyre experiences both personal psychological growth and socioeconomic advancement as she strives to preserve her identity, attain autonomy, and fulfill her desire for true intimacy in the context of the gender-restrictive Victorian culture.
The Novel Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte symbolized a new era in the history of literature. It not only awakened women’s awareness to being independent, but also brought about a completely new concept of the value of life to a woman. Ideas like marriage based on love and respect and not social ranks where considered very controversial at the time. Even though the idea may have been considered controversial, Bronte had no trouble making her novel defy all odds. This also included her heroine, Jane Eyre, who demonstrates the image of a woman who is kind, free spirited, and most importantly, brave enough to say “no” to the social conventions. Critics agree that Charlotte Bronte’s truly ground breaking story beautifully explores and appreciates the spirit of feminism, and it is clearly reflected throughout the novel.
Jane Eyre is a revolutionary text that allows us as 21st era readers to reflect back to issues that we are still faced with today. It leaves us to question whether these issues have improved or whether we are still very much a woman of the Victorian era. Whilst it seems odd to relate to someone that lives in a drastically different environment, the challenges that Jane faces have all happened to us. I definitely had a few light bulb moments when I went that’s happened to me, for example being picked on by a teacher or loving someone that we have really no chance with because we are apparently of a “lower standard”. Charlotte Bronte’s novel Jane Eyre challenges us with rich narrative and vocabulary, a style of writing we are not accustomed to, and enables us to learn some history whilst being taken on a journey of a young Victorian woman. Thank you.
This is mainly because with organic methods there is no need to spend money on a wide array of chemicals, eliminating the fuel cost of applying the substances, but yet your producing just as much, increasing the overall profit line (Delate). Furthermore, there is an ever-expanding organic market. Organic food sales have increased from $1 billion in 1990 to $26 billion in 2010. Likewise, the sale of organic vegetables and fruits in 2010 increased tremendously by 11.8% from 2009, despite a slow economy (2011 Organic Industry Survey). Organic farming has also shown to improve rural farm communities by creating more sustainable local jobs (Hanley). According to a survey from the United Nations, Organic agriculture provides on average 30% more sustainable jobs per hectare than conventional farms (Can Organic). In addition organic systems foster on-farm processing and direct marketing, which further increases the prospects for job creation. According to the Organic Trade Association, organic farms have an operational turnover of $45,697 almost double the profit of conventional farmers, which averages $25,448 (2011 Organic Industry Survey). In the organic grain and soybean systems at Iowa State, though deprived of the premiums, still over half of the organic methods were still more lucrative. Then once the price premiums were added the other half rapidly made up the differences and outdid the conventional methods (Delate). At the FTS they’ve found their the organic systems to be almost three times more profitable than their conventional systems. For comparison the average profit for the organic setups was $558 an acre per year against just $190 an acre per year on average for the conventional setups (FTS). Their most lucrative grain crop being the organically developed wheat achieving $835 an acre per year,