Guilt In The Kite Runner By Khaled Hosseini

A past full of guilt-drenched events does not compare to the realization of living one's entire life, in a prolonged lie.

Rainbows, sunshine, and butterflies would not be the most impeccable way of describing the main character’s, Amir’s, life in the novel; The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. Amir, the son of a well-honored man of Kabul, Baba; spent most of his life trying to achieve that fatherly respect. Meanwhile, Hassan had easily attained that respect since he knew how to stand up for himself, which Baba “had seen with my own eyes” (Hosseini 22), and strongly admired. Ever since Amir’s childhood, Baba had been doubting Amir, saying things like, “‘there is something missing in that boy’” (22) and continuing with the statement, “‘If I

hadn’t seen the doctor pull him out of my wife with my own eyes, I’d never believe he’s my son’” (23).

All these words that flew out of Baba’s mouth to Rahim Khan, was listened in by Amir. Therefore, Amir began his consecutive “bad” eventful life, ever since the beginning of his childhood. Another major factor of Amir’s elegiac life, that had made it the foundation of more funereal events was the time Amir peered through the alleyway and saw Hassan getting raped by Assef. The biggest trouble this event had set for Amir is guilt. Amir saw what was going on, but did not take any actions to step in and save the day. In fact, he “ran because I was a coward. I was afraid of Assef and what he would do to me. I was afraid of getting hurt… Maybe Hassan was the price I had to pay, the lamb I had to slay, to win Baba” (77). Amir “aspired to cowardice” (77), which was the reason why Amir had always traveled with a dark cloud over his head. Amir leaves Afghanistan when the Russian soldiers arrive, and with Baba to Fremont, California. Baba dies in California because of “‘Oat Cell Carcinoma,’ Advanced. Inoperable’” (156), before Amir receives a phone from Rahim Khan in Peshawar. This dark cloud of

regret from previous setbacks is what persuades Amir to visit Rahim Khan in Peshawar, Pakistan. Specifically the words, “Come. There is a way to be good again” (192), however, those words had led to a conversation that completely changes Amir’s bleak life, into a couple hours of ear aching horror.

The Kite Runner gives no mercy to Amir’s feelings, as all of his life comes together for this very exact conversation in Pakistan; where Rahim Khan reveals words that scratch Amir’s sense of feelings.

Chapter Sixteen begins by altering Amir’s point of view to Rahim Khan’s. By the author doing this, it is reasonable to suspect that there is a story of Rahim’s that is in need of more words than a quote; suggesting something serious is about to divulge. By Chapter Seventeen, Rahim Khan exposes the death of someone Amir had grown up with; Hassan. Rahim Khan exacerbates the conversation by explaining Hassan’s death in detail, in which Amir repeatedly said, “‘No, … No. God, no… No… No’” (219). Amir could not believe that Hassan; the boy he read his stories to, the boy he was jealous of, the boy he “fed from the same breasts” (11), is dead. Rahim Khan then goes on by saying that the Taliban's had also shot his wife, Farzana. Amir remembers the “day in 1974, in the hospital room, just after Hassan’s harelip surgery. Baba, Rahim Khan, Ali, and I … Now everyone in that room was either dead or dying. Except for me” (219). This quote shows how with each and every event in Amir’s life, he continues to lose the people who were once his family. However, Rahim Khan does not stop there. Rahim Khan reveals that “‘Ali was sterile’” (222), so he could not possibly have any children with Sanaubar. Which declares Ali, not the father of Hassan. Rahim Khan says, “‘I think you know who’’ (222), and

Amir realizes it was his father all along, who Amir shares with Hassan. Since Amir had not yet had the chance to process the fact that Hassan was his half-brother, every sensitive word that followed Rahim Khan’s mouth, had made all things grow worse. Rahim Khan’s words are the bomb that blew up and changed Amir’s life from bad, to even worse. The Kite Runner specifically designates one chapter of the whole book, to spill all the important events and unravel all the hidden truths. It aggravates Amir that he is “thirty-eight years old and I’ve just found out my whole life is one big fucking lie!” (223). All along Amir had never had a joyous life, however by knowing that he wasn’t the only one who had been keeping secrets angers him. “How could he have lied to me all those years? To Hassan? … there is only one sin. And that is theft … When you tell a lie, you steal someone's right to the truth” (225); this quote shows contradicts Baba’s ideology and portrays him as a hypocrite. Baba had been keeping secrets all along, the same thing Amir was doing but he had been crushing himself with guilt at the same time. Amir looked up to the man who was once known as the man who “once wrestled a black bear in Baluchistan with his bare hands” (12). Amir had been always trying to do everything out of his way, to please and impress Baba. It is interesting how Khaled Hosseini decides to incorporate this hidden truth after Baba and Hassan’s death. This is critical since it uses the last moment, which is Rahim Khan’s decaying voice, to open Amir to the everlasting truth. Amir does not get a chance to get fair with either Baba with the lie, nor Hassan with the past mistakes. The Kite Runner uses one conversation, to reveal the underlying mysterious, double side of this novel.

No lugubrious events correlate to the feeling of living a full somber life, to later realize it was a complete lie all along. Every traumatic event seems to fade from memory, and the spotlight shines on the hints that were always there. The animosity towards oneself overbears every thought that comes to mind, as one did not recognize how incoherent one was all along. What hurts even more, is the fact that the one person, one had always looked up to was the person who was the liar. Amir’s life, in the book, The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, begins with various dismal events to set the tone of the book. Every “bad” event leads to the possibly “worse” thing to happen: being lied to. Amir got to the point in his life where everyone was “either dead or dying” (219), suggesting that he had already lived a fairly big enough life, to be kept away the biggest secret of his life. Divulged secrets cut deeper than the harelips that both half-brothers have experienced on their lips, during their lifetimes. Lying is destructive and inevitable in the present day, as one creates an intentionally false illusion of something others tend to believe. But, lying is something one person or another had done at least once and tends to have a reason or two behind it. If everyone would speak honest truth, there would be no story to tell.