Gonzalo,
I like that you opened with a quote, I thought that was unique and think it really set the tone for the rest of your essay! I also like that although you are talking about racial issues and discrimination, you end on happier tones with hope for a better future.
1. Does the student writer include any questions for you to address? If so, please make sure that you respond to them.
No, there are questions asked in the essay but he answers them soon after asking.
2. What is the current diversity issue the student writer is addressing?
The essay is about racial issues.
3. What is the thesis of this essay? Where do you find it? Do you have suggestions for clarifying it?
The thesis is found in the first paragraph when he stats, “I decided to start reflecting my opinion about the topic of race.” He states the thesis of the essay very clearly in the beginning, letting the reader know immediately what the essay will be about.
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4. How does the essay support the thesis? Do you have any suggestions for how the author might support her/his thesis more clearly? All paragraphs relate back to the thesis by talking about examples of racial inequalities from both the past and present. 5. What kinds of insights has the student writer gained from the readings discussed in this essay? How has the student writer critically examined his/her own beliefs and attitudes as they relate to diverse cultures? You stated the insight you gained from this class best when you said, “I learnt how big is the issue with races, and how this problem perseveres in our society.” You go onto to state your beliefs that racial issues will be prevalent for a long time, showing your opinion formed from this class.
6. Do the paragraph divisions of the draft seem logical? Are there any paragraphs that seem to go in different directions?
I think a lot of the paragraphs that are broken up could be in the same paragraph, considering the topics seem to be similar. Examples of this are your first and second paragraphs and the fourth and fifth paragraphs. Overall, your paragraph breaks are good and stick to their topic, but I think the few I listed would make it flow better if put together.
7. The essay should not simply summarize different texts, but should use specific references to them to support the student writer’s observations, and should show how they relate to each other and to the overall purpose. How does this essay do this? Could it do so more
effectively? This essay uses summarization and quotes from our class readings that support the thesis. I think the use of quotes is great, however, I would suggest introducing who said the quote and which reading it was from before stating the quote just for some clarity. That being said, all of the quotes chosen relate to the thesis and most have a positive tone, relating to the overall voice of the essay! 8. Does the essay meet the requirements of the assignment as you read it (pages, number and types of sources, MLA format, etc.)? Explain how it could better do so. I think the word count is a little low and I am also not sure of what your works cited page looks like, but the in-text citation seems fine to me. I think you met all the source requirements by quoting someone outside of our readings and the examples of racial inequality judicial punishment, referencing a classmate’s ideas, and citing 5 sources from our readings; but again, I would add all readings and quotes your reference to a sources page.
The key concepts that are needed to understand the material in this article are the American Revolution and the relationship between the north and the south in the American Revolution. During his article, he provides some sentences summarized to explain, which helps me to understand some of the materials. Even though he gives me a simple brief, it’s not enough to explain other historical events that are mentioned in this article. I had to look some people and events. In order to understand the material of the article, I’m expected to have the knowledge of political events, relationships, parties, and people. I needed to know about, for instance, what Constitutional Convention was and who Charles Pinckney was, and what he did in order to understand what the author wanted to say.
The fight for racial equality is one of the most prominent issues Americans have faced throughout history and even today; as the idea that enslaving individuals is unethical emerged, many great and innovative authors began writing about the issues that enslaved people had to face. Olaudah Equiano was no exception. In his work The Interesting Narrative of the Life of Olaudah Equiano, he attempts to persuade his readers that the American way of slavery is brutal, inhumane, and unscrupulous. Equiano manages to do this by minimizing the apparent differences between himself and his primarily white audience, mentioning the cruelties that he and many other slaves had to face, and the advantages of treating your slaves correctly.
The Letter from Birmingham Jail was written by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in April of 1963. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was one of several civil rights activists who were arrested in Birmingham Alabama, after protesting against racial injustices in Alabama. Dr. King wrote this letter in response to a statement titled A Call for Unity, which was published on Good Friday by eight of his fellow clergymen from Alabama. Dr. King uses his letter to eloquently refute the article. In the letter dr. king uses many vivid logos, ethos, and pathos to get his point across. Dr. King writes things in his letter that if any other person even dared to write the people would consider them crazy.
Pollan’s article provides a solid base to the conversation, defining what to do in order to eat healthy. Holding this concept of eating healthy, Joe Pinsker in “Why So Many Rich Kids Come to Enjoy the Taste of Healthier Foods” enters into the conversation and questions the connection of difference in families’ income and how healthy children eat (129-132). He argues that how much families earn largely affect how healthy children eat — income is one of the most important factors preventing people from eating healthy (129-132). In his article, Pinsker utilizes a study done by Caitlin Daniel to illustrate that level of income does affect children’s diet (130). In Daniel’s research, among 75 Boston-area parents, those rich families value children’s healthy diet more than food wasted when children refused to accept those healthier but
Reflecting on your delivery and relating to further reading and research, write a personal analysis which considers the following:
We are fortunate enough to have resources at Forsyth Tech such as computers and software. Its best to take advantage of those resources if we don’t have access to them anywhere else. There is no excuse to not completing the work. We were required to have two text book present in each class to use throughout the semester. Skwire, David and Harvey S. Wiener’s A Writer’s Reference with exercises and writing in the disciplines, references MLA, good word choices, different sentence styles and many other helpful tools to write an outstanding
The movie trailer “Rio 2”, shows a great deal of pathos, ethos, and logos. These rhetorical appeals are hidden throughout the movie trailer; however, they can be recognized if paying attention to the details and montage of the video. I am attracted to this type of movies due to the positive life messages and the innocent, but funny personifications from the characters; therefore, the following rhetorical analysis will give a brief explanation of the scenes, point out the characteristics of persuasive appeals and how people can be easily persuaded by using this technique, and my own interpretation of the message presented in the trailer.
The previous excerpt was provided so that the student could determine the focus of the essay. The complete essay begins below.
c. First, personal struggle for personhood by overcoming the internalization of the racialized norms (pp.118—119).
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