Ecstasy-Personal Narrative

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I’m sorry.
To everyone who loved me I apologize profusely.
You didn’t deserve seeing me in chaos. You didn’t deserve to be affected by my negativity and pain. It hurt me even more, knowing what I put you through. How I changed into a cruel monster. I believed I was a good person when I was younger, but sadness and trauma create a new individual unworthy of love. I can’t face the way you looked at me—afraid, helpless, hopeless. The way I stared back into your eyes, broken.
Don’t’ be angry. Know that I’m gone because I chose to do so. For once, I accomplished something. For once I was brave enough to face my fears and go through with something. For once I did something right. You could finally be proud of me.
Don’t be disappointed. I gave up finally, but on the contrary all I ever wanted was a reason to persevere. All I ever wanted was to really live, but I didn’t know how. I just couldn’t find it. That purpose and meaning eluded me. …show more content…

Your lit up, elated smiling faces made me happy even in the darkest days. Although it broke my heart all at once when I turned all that happiness into misery. How I broke our family the way I broke myself. I can’t live with what I did to you all. I felt bad and guilty because you loved me when I was so bad for you. I tried numerous times to push you away, to make you un-love me so I could take the plunge quicker and so I couldn’t hurt you anymore. My attempts always failed. Your compassion pained me as much as it consoled me. I often wished that having you in my life, and all the other privileges I had was enough, but I could never find what I was looking for. Perhaps it didn’t even

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