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The negative impact of divorce on children
Influence of parental divorce on children
The negative impact of divorce on children
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“Hey Alexander, I have a question to ask you. Have you ever considered living with me?” These are the words that my dad spoke to me on a scorching June day in 2005. I was paralyzed, not knowing quite how to respond to the question. The question was not shocking to me; my dad had hinted it for a while. What I did not know, however, was that this question was going to impact my life.
Divorce is an awful thing. One of the only things worse is being a child of divorced parents. The concept that my parents no longer wanted to be with each other was heart-breaking to me. Even though I was only 6 at the time it impacted my life greatly. Both of my parents getting remarried was just as atrocious. Me being young I thought that there was a chance they were mad at each other, and would eventually get back together, after some time apart. Getting remarried closed that door solidly.
Years went by until the summer before my fourth grade year. My dad wanted to go on a family vacation to Kansas City for a weekend. It was a blast; we stayed in a cabin outside of Worlds of Fun and went to the two parks. On the car ride home my dad popped the question. Being confined to a 5 passenger Camry there was nowhere to go. The silence that followed was eerie. Nobody spoke for a minute or two, until my sister broke the silence, “Yeah, I want to live with you.” Not knowing how to respond I sort of gave a half-hearted shake of my head in agreement.
The weeks went on until my dad decided that he wanted to take my mom to court. I still at that point had zero clue, whether or not I truly wanted to live with my dad. To make matters worse there was constant propaganda from both of my parents, as to how bad of a parent the other one was. I felt as though I was ...
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...he right decision? Was my dad going to never want to see me ever again? These were tough questions for young kid to handle. I spent many a night wondering whether I had made the right decision and what I could have said that would have made the judge rule differently.
Choosing sides is incredibly arduous; one side is always going to lose. Looking back on my decision, I know I made the right one. My step-mom eventually went crazy, which led to my dad getting a divorce. If I had gone to live with my dad, I would have been sucked up in that gigantic mess. My mom and dad get along now. It is a rare occurrence when they are both not at one of my sporting events, both cheering me on together. It is hard to imagine how different my life would have been, if I had told the judge I wanted to live with my dad. All that I know is that I am truly glad I made the decision I did.
I was awful young enough to not fully be aware of the entire situation. What I did know was that I didn’t want to move into a new house, attend a new school, and definitely not live without my dad. Adapting to my new and different surroundings was very hard for me. I was upset with my dad for his actions because he was the cause of all the changes. I was mainly angry with my mom though for her decision. To my eight year old self, I felt as if it wasn’t fair. I was her precious girl and entire world and I knew she would do anything to see my happy. For that particular reason was why i couldn 't comprehend her decision. I wasn 't happy with the outcome, I hoped she would forgive him and we could be a family
It is rough on the child and causes their view of family to be damaged. Teenagers who experience one or more divorces are three times more likely to need psychological help within a year according to a study done by Peter Hill who studies adolescent development. Divorce is a confusing time for children. Some might think they did something to cause the divorce and wonder if they could’ve prevented it. The child will most likely carry around guilt of breaking up their parents, even if they had nothing to do with it. A study done of people whose parents divorced six years earlier showed that they were more lonely, unhappy, anxious, and insecure than those children who never experienced
Divorce is a word that everyone knows very well, no matter what the age. These days, everyone knows at least one person that has either been in a divorce or whose parents are divorced. Today, about 50% of all marriages end in divorce('No-Fault' Divorce, 2004). Between the time that half of those couples get married and divorced, many of them had children. By 2004, "one in four children lived in single-parent homes"('No-Fault' Divorce, 2004). After the divorce, not only are the adults hurting, but the children are also. Throughout the divorce, the parents are caught up in each other, money, possessions, and their own pain that without even realizing it, their children are hurting too. Adults are becoming more careless and think less about how compatible they are to their partners. Some couples have children shortly after the wedding before they adjust to each other. After their children are born, the real problems start to become more relevant. With new problems surfacing and raising children at the same time, it becomes very difficult and divorce sounds like an answer to the problems.
I was raised by my mother and grandmother. They kept my head leveled and taught me that working hard leads to success. I loved them, and they were my role models. I grew up in a middle class family with strong women. I learned independence, and the strong will to never give up. It was the summer of 2005 when my mother re-married, and I was in the eighth grade. My mother was happy because she found the conclusion to her life: a husband. I was ecstatic because I finally had a daddy! My hopes, wishes, and dreams had come true. I felt that God answered my prayers. I loved having a father figure, although I had certain doubts. My uncertainty came from the way he looked at me. He looked at me the way men crave women. However, I concealed my unclear feelings because I did not want to ruin the current circumstances. Unfortunately, all of my suspicions were true.
Divorce should be harder to obtain due to the effect that it has on children the main effect it has on the children is depression. “ In the short term divorce is always troublesome for children Mavis Hetherington videotaped and scrutinized the workings of 1400 divorced families since the early 1970’s. Hetherington pinpoints a crisis period of about two years in the immediate aftermath of separation when the adults, preoccupied with their own lives, typically takes their eye off parenting just when their children are reeling from loss and feeling bewildered” (Hethrington 2). This article states that the short term effect of divorce affects the kid deep because they feel that they lost one forever and in those 1400 many of the kids felt the effect of the divorce. “Wallerstein has told us that divorce abruptly ends kids’ childhood, filling it with loneliness and worry about their parents, and hurting them prematurely and recklessly into adolescence. (Wallerstein 2).” This later affects the kids life because they try to think of happy memories they had but really all they can think about is the parent that they loss due to the divorce. “Contrary to the popular perceptions, the alternative to most divorces is not life in a war zone. Though more than 50 percent of all marriages currently end in divorce, experts tell us that only about 15 percent of all unions involve high levels of conflict. In the vast number of divorces, then, there is no gross strife or violence that could warp a youngster’s childhood. The majority of marital break-ups are driven by a quest for greener grass—and in these cases the children will almost always be worse off. (Zinsmeister 2)” this proves to me that when people get a divorce they most of the time don’t ...
This is something that occurred over ten years ago but it still plagues me to this day. One moment I thought that we had a perfect family unit. Everyone was happy and everyone got along great. Then, the next thing I knew, my parents were in court everyday trying to get custody of my older sister and myself. This left me hurt and confused. The worst part was after the divorce was over. My father got custody of us- which I preferred because it meant I didn’t have to move away and I didn’t have to live with my mother’s new boyfriend (her boyfriend while she was married). My mother got visitation rights two days of the week and every Sunday. So, instead of seeing my mother everyday when she would come home from work and having her tuck me in at
A lot of children tend to develop “normally” with two married parents. Others don’t develop the same. To me, children who go through divorce don’t develop normally. My parents are no longer together and I thought I turned out okay. I have social skills, friends, and a close relationship with both my parents. On the other hand, I believe some children or teenagers have a difficult time developing when going through the process of a divorce. It could lead to trust issues, make the kids feel alone, change the perspective on marriage, and affect the way they communicate.
My parents did not discuss their reasons for the divorce with me, they didn't have to, and I knew the reasons. I had lived the reasons for as long as I was old enough to remember. The arguments, the name calling, the accusations, the past threats to move out. I was well aware of the reasons. Although there was never any physical violence there was enough screa...
It was the last Saturday in December of 1997. My brother, sister, and I were chasing after each other throughout the house. As we were running, our parents told us to come and sit down in the living room. They had to tell us something. So, we all went down stairs wondering what was going on. Once we all got down stairs, the three of us got onto the couch. Then, my mom said, “ Well…”
Divorce is a process that many people in America go through. The divorce rate continues to escalate over the years. Divorce is a serious problem, it is a gradual process that ultimately results in families breaking up. There are various factors in which a marriage can fail and end up in divorce. Some skip the step of trying to reconcile things and make it work. In some cases it is easy for a divorce to take place. For instance, in cases where both parties are in agreement and have no children it is easier to handle a divorce. But in the cases where children are present, what happens to the kids? Both parents are at each others throats or one is devastated from the rejection, what role does the child play? It is a hard thing to cope with as an adult imagine as a little one or even a teenager, it affects them in more ways than anyone can imagine. It can affect them both physically and emotionally. The effects of divorce are immense, it permanently weakens the bond or relationship between a child and his parents. Can lead to them reaching out or looking to others for attention, causing poor attitudes, low self esteem, dropping grades, loss of virginity, use of drugs and or weapons, or in some cases mutilation of the body. There are various effects that children have to deal with that maybe extremely hard to cope with. One parent may say one thing yet the other disagrees and makes it impossible for the child to have a stable relationship with both of them. Children need both biological parents at their side to be guardians and counselors in their lives, to be examples of what they need to do to become outstanding citizens in our community.
American Journalist, Helen Rowland said, “ When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they don’t understand each other, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to” (1). Divorce means the ending of a marriage by legal separation, thus, a couple that were once bonded together have now separated for opposing reasons. Divorce has hurt and destroyed many families across the world and can cause a lot of negativity. Teens often do not know how to deal with the fact that their family is no longer whole and they will transition into a depression. Teens may experience emotional damage by seeing the two most important people in their lives fight constantly. There is a good side and a bad side to seeing parents go through a divorce as a teen. Quite often teens tend to see that, since they are so unhappy, that it is better for them to separate because they do not want to see their parents get hurt. Even when separated, they learn to communicate and bond between one another. The negative side of divorce is that families sometimes stay torn apart, therefore: There is a lot of anger, rage that happens because going through a situation like this is not something that is easy, and many emotions become involved. Dealing with their parents can be difficult for some teens, but for many others, they feel as if a divorce will make their family happier without seeing all of the fighting.
Regardless of age, race, sex or religion, divorce has devastating, often long-term, consequences. The immediate effects of divorce, such as hurt, anger and confusion, are evident in both children and adults. The longer-term effects are not so easy to pin point.
As a thirteen year old, I became very curious. I knew my parents had their share of issues, but I never understood why. I had lived in Texas my whole life then moved to Chicago, Illinois for my dad’s job when I was nine. Over the three year period of living there, I never saw much of my dad. I knew he loved me,
Children react differently yet similarly in divorce. Every child caught up in the distress of divorce has a hard time coping with it and imagining their life without a parent. Their anxiety levels peak as they feel they are going to be abandoned. They experience feelings of loneliness due to the loss of the other parent. Different children go through these emotions at different levels and at different times depending on the child’s age. How bad or how well children handle the divorce depends on how the situation is handled. It can throw the child's entire life into a whirlwind.
I made my decision to go home, because I had been out for almost two and a half hours. When I got home, I was ready for the worst. I made no secret of my arrival, and I didn't care if anyone saw me going back to my room. The strange thing was that nobody seemed to notice. My dad didn't even mention my blatant disregard for his order. I was ecstatic. I had just fought my parents for the first time and I had won. I figured that my dad must have understood how I felt about the issue and changed his mind.