Boys Will Be Boys Analysis

The South Asian community, specifically the Punjabi community, knows the culture of silence all too well. Whether it be silence on topics of sexual harassment, abuse, violence, alcoholism, addiction or aggression, we know how to keep it hush-hush. Earlier this March, a young man from Brampton, ON was taken from his family by a group of senseless angry men. The story of Paviter Singh Bassi has resonated with me since the moment I heard about his passing. I didn't know this young man personally, but I felt his loss. As an older sister and as someone who lived in Brampton and has roots there, Paviter's story had me shaken.

Paviter was only 21 when we was murdered. He had a whole life to live. But, his journey on this planet was cut short due

to brutally being beaten by sticks in broad daylight, in front of a residential high school. So far, three Punjabi men have been arrested and charged with first-degree murder, while the rest roam free hiding within the culture of silence.

I remember hearing about Paviter's story and instantly thinking of my brother. In that moment, I was also incredibly thankful that my parents decided to move away from Brampton, as the city is home to quite a lot of crime. Brampton is made up of a majority of a Punjabi population, that too often seems to be the place of violence. In general, violence seems to be a growing global epidemic, but Punjabi communities need to talk about this aggression because silence isn't fixing the issue. How many more mother's need to lose their children? How many more families need to break apart before we collectively make a change? As a young Punjabi woman myself, I think it's an appropriate time to call-out the Punjabi community for its culture of silence.

I've grown up with stories of violence my whole life. Gang violence in Surrey, BC. Aunties being assaulted by their husbands. Daughters feeling unsafe in their homes. Girls being sexually harassed by her male peers. Guys breaking out into fights at events. Uncles getting drunk and abusing their families. Fathers holding double standards for their daughters. Parents talking about female infanticide. Brothers suppressing their sisters. Guys murdering other guys. And the list goes on. 

This makes you wonder why Punjabi men are so angry? Honestly, the root of it all stems in gender inequality. 

Men are brought up to believe that their behaviours are justified and will have no consequences.

There is a toxic masculinity in not just Punjabi culture, but South Asian culture in general. The idea that "boys will be boys" is honestly beyond stupid, yet is the norm in our culture. From the moment a boy is born, his birth is celebrated and announced as if the parents have completed their life's mission. Growing up, these boys are given more rights and freedoms, than their sisters, thus eliciting a sense of entitlement and privilege. Our music and film industry just makes the problem worse by glorifying alcohol, substance abuse, harassment and gang violence. To top it off, these young men are grown up in households where healthy relationships are quite rare as well. This problem isn't a new one, its one that has existed for generations. Punjabi men think they know what it means to be a "man", but their definition is twisted to include  sexism, violence, ego, manipulation and

disrespect.

Despite the fact that many Punjbai's follow Sikhi as their faith, which clearly outlines the importance of gender equality and living a honest and true life through seva and simran, all bets are off when it comes to alcohol, drugs, guns, girls and being a "jatt".

Sikhi only matters when its time to get a tattoo, putting up car bling or when Sikhs are racially targeted. However, other than those occasions, Sikhi values are not respected at all. Instead, we love to dive into the world that is Punjabi culture and equate it to Sikhi values. Sikhi values do not fall into this pattern of "lok ki kain gaye"("what will people say"), "saadi problem ni haigi" ("its not our problem") or "koi na, munde puthe kam karde rehnde aa" (don't worry, boys do dumb things") and forget that justice and the truth is what brings honour. Keeping skeletons hidden in the closet and living a lie is not what we should be doing.

Admist this social call-out movement that we are in right now, I want to take a moment to call out those arerelated to Paviter's tragedy. Whether you were apart of it, saw it, or heard who did it, you are implicated and it is your duty as a HUMAN, to step up. We talk a lot about "society this, society that", but we are society. We can make positive changes in our communities, if we begin to take responsibility on our

actions.

This isn't about "snitching".  This isn't about "protecting" anyone either. The people who committed this crime, which is murder, are walking free amongst us. These men are violent. These men have the capability to harm someone again. Don't protect someone and forget your own humanity while doing so. Also, if you think you are helping them out, you're just enabling their negative and dangerous behaviour. What happened, could have happened to anyone. If you know something, say something. Don't be complicit. Speak up.

At the end of the day, thoughts an prayers are just words we say to make someone and ourselves feel a little better. It's what we say to show we care. So although, yes, our thoughts and prayers are with the Bassi family and anyone who has suffered at the hands of violence, but more than anything what they really need is action. We need to acknowledge this problem. We need to talk about the problem. We need to raise better sons and daughters that know right from wrong. We need stand up for what is right. We need to change now before there's another story we're hurting about. 

If you have any information or surveillance video of the incident please call the investigators at 905-452-2121, ext. 3205, or Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-TIPS (8477).

Sincerely,
- Simran

Disclaimer: Before everyone begins to @ me, I know that not ALL Punjabi men are like this. I have some great Punjabi men in my life and I truly value them. However, this post isn't about them, but rather about all the others that inflict pain, which is many. So keep your cries of insecurity to yourself because I acknowledge that this particular profile does not fit all Punjabi men, so chill.