Adversity: A Short Story

What makes us who we truly are? Some say our decisions define us, others our experiences, and still others believe our identities are all predetermined by our genetics. A simple story I have heard offers an answer to this controversy. If a person throws an egg, a carrot, and a coffee bean each into a pot of boiling water, the outcome is different for each of them. The egg will harden, the carrot will soften, and the coffee bean will change the water it was in. The water in this analogy symbolizes adversity. All of the objects faced the same adversity, but each responded in a unique way. Similarly, some people’s hearts are hardened by their negative experiences, but others take those experiences and transform them into learning opportunities.

I had the privilege of interviewing an incredible woman last month who managed to do the latter throughout her life. Amy Anderson’s path in life was full of turns and obstacles, but she learned from all of them without losing her sense of compassion.
One of Amy’s core attributes she alluded to during her interview was versatility. For instance, Amy started her college experience at Marquette University and transferred to St. Kate’s after her first year. It took some time, but she learned to adapt to the all-female environment. She was not sure at first whether she wanted to go major in biology or psychology, so she ultimately decided to double major. Developing skills in both of these fields simultaneously seems to have augmented her versatility. Later, she continued her education by earning her master’s degree in health services research and policy from the University of Minnesota. Amy described her career path after graduation as “convoluted.” The types of companies she has worked for have varied an unprecedented amount. She has managed to flawlessly transition into many different job descriptions due to her transferable skills of organization and management. Thanks to her talent to adapt to new situations, Amy is currently the lead analyst and manager at a health services company called Optum.
Another consistent quality Amy exhibited throughout her life was endurance. From her earliest memories to the time she was twelve years old, Amy and her family were involved members of a conservative Christian church. This church put a strong emphasis on rules and held certain beliefs neither she nor her family agreed with, like the belief that women were not equal to men. Amy described this particular church as “culty” because anyone who left the church was permanently ostracized. Although Amy’s family knew this would happen, they decided they could not devote themselves to a church with such a negative view on life anymore when Amy was twelve years old. This was difficult for Amy because her entire childhood was “very church dominated,” and she had to say goodbye to the community she grew up with. However, leaving the church did not hurt Amy as much as it did to witness her father being isolated when he needed the support of his community most. Amy’s father suffered from bipolar disorder, and leaving the church put him into one of his manic episodes. Amy shared with me that during his episodes her father would sometimes yell insults she knew he did not mean, but they hurt all the same. She had to endure this pain while also adjusting to a new lifestyle of her own.
A less grave form of endurance Amy needed to utilize during her life was the strength to stay in a long distance relationship with her high school sweetheart while she was attending Marquette.

She said it was difficult not being able to see her boyfriend for weeks or months at a time, but she said phone calls and letters made it easier. Amy believes the key to enduring a long distance relationship is for partners to allow each other to develop on their own without becoming jealous of one another’s new experiences. Against all odds, Amy and her high school sweetheart managed to stay together, and they now have two sons. Their six-year-old started the first grade last month, and the proud mother was happy to report that their five-month-old has recently grown two whole teeth. It is safe to say Amy and her partner’s endurance paid off in the long

run.
Amy is an inspiration to me because our lives share a few similarities.

My sister has run into some mental health issues over the past two years. My sister and I used to be the closest two human beings could possibly be. We could remember any random detail about each other or our shared experiences from all sixteen years we spent as partners in crime on this earth. My sister dropped out of college two years ago, and she started hanging out with some questionable people. When I called her out on her behavior, my sister turned on me, similar to the way Amy’s father used to snap at her during his episodes. She no longer talks to me, even after I have made efforts to reach out to her. Although it hurts me, Amy helped me understand that I need to wait out the pain and understand that it is not my fault. I also admire how Amy managed to stay in a relationship with her high school sweetheart. I am currently trying to maintain a long distance relationship, and I feel like no one believes it is possible anymore. It was inspiring to hear about someone who actually made it work. Finally, I appreciate Amy’s values and her outlook on life. She believes in being kind and thoughtful of others, raising others up, and valuing friends and family over money and power. Amy has become a role model to me because her heart did not harden after facing distress; instead, it became even more open to caring for

others.