Accomplish Parental Alienation

Techniques Used to Accomplish Parental Alienation: How could this happen?

“I hate you, Mom!” Most children have screamed this in frustration at least once. Some children show an unwarranted rage toward a parent, particularly following a high-conflict divorce. Parental alienation syndrome occurs when a parent emotionally manipulates a child into turning against his or her other parent, in the absence of abuse or neglect. Three levels of severity were described by child psychologist Dr Richard Gardner, along with eight distinctive behaviors observed only in these children (Gardner, 1998). Parental alienation is a very complex subject, including consideration of long term effects on the developing child, motivations of the alienating parent,

Rejection is the core message conveyed, one that says to the child, “Your mother does not love you, wants to hurt you and/or is a detestable person not worthy of respect.” Such perceived abandonment from a parent is incredibly destructive for a child (Baker & Andre, 2008). Techniques that exclude the target in the child’s mind easily lead to actual exclusion from moments in the child’s life, from past memories and new ones, resulting in further disconnect (Schwartz, 2015). Revising a child’s life by erasing the targeted parent from happy memories, culling photo albums, and dismissing any good qualities of the other parent is frighteningly effective when the child is young enough (Varnado, 2011).

Very often, the child fears being rejected and emotionally banished just as the targeted parent has been. She enmeshes herself with the favored parent as a form of self-preservation. Young children are unable to survive alone. If a child perceives that survival depends on saying, acting, or even thinking a certain way, they will do so with vigor. The favored parent instills the idea that the targeted parent is responsible for everything, placing blame squarely at the other parent’s

Adults who experienced this as children have been interviewed for research looking at the long-term effects of parental alienation. They describe how the alienating parent would become emotionally distant and punishing if they showed any positive feelings for the targeted parent. The heavy price paid for continuing a relationship with the targeted parent was to lose the love, approval, and affection of the alienating parent. (Ben-Ami & Baker, 2012). The ultimate culmination of this, tragically, is a complete estrangement from the targeted parent (Varnado,