A Personal Review Of 'Crink' By Ellen Hopkins

CRANK written by Ellen Hopkins is a story about a young girl named Kristina and her journey of meeting the monster (crystal meth) and the aftermath of decisions while battling her addiction. Her life spirals out of control from experimenting with the drug with her father and first love, being raped by a boy who provided the drug to her, finding the love of her life while living the life of the monsters alter ego, Bree, and ultimately trying to control the monster when she finds out she is pregnant with the rapists child. The following paper explores my reaction and own experiences and how they compare to Kristina’s decisions while dealing with the daily struggles of teenage life.
Even though I have never been addicted to drugs, I did have

an addiction when I was a teenager. My mom died from cancer when I was thirteen which started a roller coaster of self abuse. I thought if I could control my eating that meant I could control my world from falling apart. I would get attention from my dad and my siblings. I took it to the point of being hospitalized for dehydration and malnutrition when I was sixteen, with the diagnosis of anorexia nervosa. I was addicted to having control over my food. I stole money for diet pills, lied about what I did and did not eat that day, and isolated myself from my family just so I could keep feeling this kind of control, to keep feeling special. Kristina found her saving grace through her accidental pregnancy. Even though I have never had that happen to me, I can identify with the feeling that Kristina felt when she first felt her baby. “And then, midst waves of heartache, I felt a flutter in my belly, no more than the whisper of an eyelash” (p.525). That’s the same feeling I had when I first stepped on a rugby pitch, held a ball, pushed myself to the point of exhaustion. But I felt strong for the first time in years. Rugby encouraged me to gain weight and take care of myself through exercise instead of starving. Relapse happens though; I still find myself skipping meals every now and then or binging on a pint of ice cream when either stressed out or feeling like I can’t control my life. Kristina fell off the wagon and so did I sometimes but it’s about finding the strength to continue.
The text follows a lot of my own beliefs about the world. I do believe everyone is addicted to something even at the smallest level. It can include shopping, eating, self harm, alcohol or drugs. Human nature is messy and cruel, dark and twisted. We are always looking for the next big rush of feel good emotions and adrenaline. “Feeling good became a matter of scale. One to ten, “ten” being one step shy of shredding the time-space continuum, “one” being short of dropping flat in my tracks.” (p.416). That’s when finding the line between right and wrong becomes blurry. Making the right decision is difficult, especially during your teenage years. “Life is full of choices. We don’t always make good ones. It seems to Kristina you gotta be crazy to open your windows, invite the demons in. Bree throws rocks at the feeble glass, laughs.” (p. 83) This description of life choices describes exactly what it feels like to human, even more so when you are young and trying to find your own way with your parents saying one thing and your friends saying another. There is always a decision to be made; it is up to you to determine if that decision is right or wrong. That is what it means to be human to me. It is the ability to make those decisions and keep your sanity while dealing with the consequences.
This text was sometimes confusing but also intense at points.

When I was younger I thought addicts were weak, selfish, and wastes of space. My family taught me being an addict was a choice and if they wanted to stop being sick they could, just like turning off a light. Reading the description of the yearning need to continue using the drug to feel normal was something that did change how I felt about drug users. They just want to feel that rush of excitement, of the dopamine racing through their veins, to feel somewhat normal again. “ It’s like falling softly into a pool of crystal mountain water floating on your back…forgiving yourself and those who you live and even those you despise” (p 427-28). This quote describes exactly why addicts become addicts. Something is missing in their lives and they need some kind of comfort and forgiveness, some kind of way to escape the decisions they or someone else has made and the consequences that

follows.
I consider family to be the most important thing in the world. It comes down to who you consider as your family also. They are the ones who stick around and try to help you become a better person. However, my family has different beliefs from me when it comes to lifestyle choices. I believe for every situation there is a rainbow of colors; representing multiple different decisions and the possible outcomes. My family believes there is only black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. Even though we differ in our views, they were willing to stick with me and help battle my disease. When Kristina finally tells her mom about her pregnancy and addiction, her mom cried at first because that was not how she wanted her daughter to live her life. Ultimately she came to terms with the situation and even thanked Kristina for not terminating the child and was willing to help raise it. Even though mistakes were made and the consequences are terrible, that kind of family bond can never be broken.
I found the structure of the text at first to be very confusing at first but once I got into the story, the structure of the poems added to it.

It’s possible to tell the mood the author wanted to set by the way she formed the words on the page. If the words, were in a confusing pattern across the paper, for example on page 407 when Kristina was battling with homework and being a good daughter but all she wanted to do was get high. At first there is an attempt to read the words up and down and then left to right. The confusion was frustrating at first but as the book continued it was possible to determine through the pattern of words the emotion that was held in the paragraph. If it was in a list format such as on pages 269-70, it was displaying the differences between Kristina and Bree. On other pages the words read one way tell a story while if read in a different manner tells a different story, almost as if Kristina is saying a passage and the monster is saying another. On pages 293-294, Kristina speaks of sitting on her bed and tracing the new tattoo on her leg and whether or not her mother could tell her innocent child was no longer there, another passage down the left side read “I don’t belong to my mother anymore”

(p.293-94).
Overall, this brings a wakeup call to the reality of drug users. They can come from a family who lives in a motel with a low socioeconomic lifestyle like Adam or they could come from a family with a high socioeconomic status and parents who provide everything. I feel that all the situations described in this book are also to the extreme. Not every addict spirals out of control so quickly, with rape and pregnancy resulting from it. However, the unfortunate thing is it is a very possible reality of the modern day and age. We all have our vices, some are deadlier than others.