What Does It Mean To Be Hurtful?

As I sit here in my quiet cubicle, watching our pictures flash by on my screen and staring at our wedding photos, I reflect on our relationship and my actions. I know, by any measure, that I am not perfect. I know that at times I do or say things that are hurtful and belay your trust in me. I know that for most of our relationship, I have been the negative one. The one to pick out faults and errors, to cause fights over trivial things, create isolationism and have the skewed mental image of the one who I am supposed to love. I know these things and I acknowledge how hurtful it must be to you. I know we have these problems and issues that keep recurring on a cyclical basis every six months… and I know that I am to blame for them. For this, I

You see, to me, I feel as if I have changed. I feel that I have moved away from my worst and am becoming better. I feel that I am really trying to support you and us but I know that I am still coming short of your expectations and not fully delivering on my promises. Jocelyn, at times, I do not know what to do or how to express myself fluidly. How to best defend your privacy and express my feelings. How to resolve a perceived issue between us without coming off as hostile or attacking you. How to make you not feel isolated while not destroying “our time”. In addition, how to shake bad images and memories out of my head that cause issues constantly. I know that I must do so for our marriage and for your sanity but I am struggling with the how.

I want to express my feelings and communicate with people but I do not have siblings like you do, I only have my parents and a few friends. I try my best to express my concerns in a calm and coherent manner without attacking you but it still comes off as such. I have continually tried to encourage new friendships and I actively support your endeavors to find a class/gym. The one that I skirmish with the most is also the vilest; the one that causes the most problems and that is evading the bad, hurtful