Miller Intimate Relationship

After reading both of the textbooks that were assigned for the course, Rowland S. Miller’s “Intimate Relationships” and Neil Clark Warren’s “Finding the Love of your Life”, many of the concepts written were similar. One of the first discussions in Warren’s book was “find a person who is a lot like you” which was discussed as well in the textbook by Miller. It was explained by Miller that although opposites do attract at first, they never seem to last. Reason being was that the differences in the couple made the relationship exciting and new. However, after “the thing that most [attracted them] to a person [was] the very thing that [would] ultimately drive [them] crazy” (Warren, 1992, p.59). For this reason, both books recommend similarity

Both textbooks agreed that research showed similarity lead to happier and longer lasting marriages. Miller agreed as well that opposites do attract. However, he went a little further on that topic. He explained how people may accidently perceive someone as similar to them when it actually might be that that see the person they want to become in them. Of course, this does not work out because the ideal self and the actual self are much different even though people thrive to be their ideal self. When they cannot become their ideal self, they feel angry and jealous towards their partner who was able to do it. Also, Miller explained how dissimilarities may decrease over time. This occurred because as couples stay together longer, they begin to rub off of each other. Even though opposites do not attract, staying in a relationship could make them more similar, causing them to become more compatible with each other (Miller,

In the section he dedicated to conflict, he explained to the readers some similar techniques to Miller on how to deal with conflict. He states that both of the couple must understand that they have a right to feel differently and should be heard. A technique that Warren had that Miller does not, was “points of disagreement [needed] to be specified carefully, and then agreed upon” (Warren, 1992, p.119). This tactic clarifies what the couple is arguing over without attacking the other person. Like Miller, warren believed in negotiating when in conflict for the same reasons Miller did. Going a bit further, Warren added that sometimes one could let the other get their way to be nice and the other could congratulate them (Warren,