Michael Kimmel's Bros Before Hos: The Guy Code

When someone is thinking of a man, what do they think? Strong? Brave? That’s what most people think; in reality that is a very false image. In “Bros Before Hos: The Guy Code,” Michael Kimmel, talks about what it means to be a man and what it takes to be a man in today’s world. Men are pressured into what they “should” be. If they don’t follow certain unwritten rules, which include: not asking for directions, not giving up, not showing fear, or any signs of emotional weakness, such as tears; they are considered less than a man, a wimp. A real man must be aggressive and brave, he must defend his territory: status, family, possessions. Men blindly follow the Guy Code, they believe in order to fit in, they must comply and be part of the pack.

The dependency on their mothers can negatively impact their relationship with their fathers. In many cases, the father is no longer part of the family unit, putting the young man in the role of the ‘man of the house’. This in itself has a whole new set of problems. Their mothers teach them to be kind and helpful; yet as young as Kindergarten they are taught to avoid their mothers’ ideas and emulate their fathers’. Why? A mother’s ‘negative influence’ can make them compliant and possibly question manhood. Kimmel states, “Boys learn that their connection to their mother will emasculate them, turn them into Mama’s Boys” (547). No male wants to be perceived as soft or emotional, they want to be tough and brave, perhaps even feared. If they hang around their mothers, they possess the idea they will develop into babies and do “woman” stuff. Kimmel shares a story of a mother saying that her husband took their three and a half-year-old son to a barber shop to get his hair cut. The barber used hot and painful chemicals in his hair, when the boy began to cry the barber called him a wimp and informed the father that his son had been hanging around his mama too much and that needed to change. The father went home upset and announced to his wife that the boy would be doing sports and other activities with him. Boys learn at an early age that involvement

Boys are influenced by many of their coaches in life; brothers and fathers telling them they must be tough and show no pain, teachers who expect them to work hard at everything they do, and in the back of their minds are their mothers who worry about them over extending and getting hurt. Kimmel asked a few men in their 20’s, “where do young men get these ideas” (the Guy Code), they all gave the same answers: their brothers, fathers, and coaches. One mentioned that his father would always be riding him, telling him that he must be tough to make it in this world, another said his brothers were always ragging on him, calling him a “pussy” because he didn’t want to go outside and play football with them. He just wanted to stay in and play Xbox. Yet another said that whenever he got hurt his coach would mock and make fun of him because he was showing his feelings. The world is a very competitive for men, they believe they must always prove themselves to other men. Men get pressured into doing things they don’t want to do. Men shouldn’t be pressured they should be able to do what they want to