No Greater Expectations: A Comparative Critique of Edelman and Bartels
Stepping into a new life with someone is difficult enough, but if you step into the marriage with unrealistic expectations (which vary among couples) you’ve set yourself up for great conflicts. In “The Myth of Co-Parenting” and “My Problem with her Anger,” both Edelman and Bartels are at a disadvantage due to the expectations they’ve created. Everything in their marriages is going in a different direction, and nothing is parring up with their original expectations. They’ve seen marriages they admire, and also marriages on the other side of the spectrum. To better phrase this, both authors allow expectations to control their mindset in their marriages, but Edelman’s expectations
…show more content…
The anger Bartels’ wife possesses is one that has gone above and beyond the bar set. She argues with him constantly, as can be told by the repetition of a certain phrase: We don’t use profanity in front of the children, unless we’re arguing angrily. We don’t talk to each other disrespectfully, except when arguing angrily. And we don’t say bad things about each other to the kids, unless, of course, we just finished arguing angrily.” (58) Had it been used once, it would have been noted, due to the repetition of the word anger, as well as other similar words, throughout the article. Had it been twice, it would have been seen as a simple repetition, and listed as somewhat important. But it is used thrice, within the same passage. This is mostly to emphasize the dire situation. They only do all these things when they argue, but the overuse of the phrase shows how much they do …show more content…
They repeat phrases like, “I didn’t sign up for this” (53), or “I had never expected that” (54) in order to show how spontaneous and taxing marriage can be if you come in with the wrong mindset. These expectations will cause many, many difficulties, and these authors are trying to prepare their audiences. In this case, I believe both authors would agree when I say, you better know what you’re getting into and don’t let unrealistic expectations control your marriage, or more importantly, your
Society considers divorce as a failure and a destruction to a family unit when in reality divorce should be considered normal considering that the majority of families are blended or single parent homes. Barbara Kingsolver, an american novelist and essayist states her thoughts about divorce, blended and broken families in her essay titled “Stone Soup.” She argues that no family is perfect and that all families have problems. She uses examples, statistics and metaphors to persuade her readers of what a true family is. She informs us based on her own life experiences: her values, changes, and choices which ended in her divorce.
In this millennial it is very common to see a divided family. People get married, discover their differences and often divorce. Yet, with divorce comes many decisions and often a messy outcome. While this may take a toll on a family, remarriage is another issue of it’s own. “Step parents” is what they call them; although no one is quit sure what the word “step” truly insinuates. The sacristy of a marriage and the bond of a family is metaphorically protected by the beamed structure of a home. It isn’t until you read “Stepdaughters” by Max Apple that you catch a glimpse of the interior complications and obstacles, divorced families often face. The author seamlessly paints the very common mother and teenage daughter tension many families endure. Yet, the story is uniquely told by “stepfather number three trying to stay on the sideline” (132). The author focuses on a few issues that a family (divorced or not) may face: overbearing control, lack of trust, and unwanted change. He does this, by use of temporal setting – the dreaded teenage years – and situation – the exhausted disagreement between the mother and daughter.
Imagine a relationship between a coach and a player. The job of the coach is to make his student better at the sport; therefore, he puts pressure upon the player and expects him to show off the skills that he teaches him. This pressure and expectation can lead to the player winning or losing depending on the player’s motivation. Also, depending upon the result of the competition, the coach and the player can have a strong relationship or a weak one with growing distances and irritation if the two do not get along. Likewise, in the novel, The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan, the mothers develop many expectations of their daughters as they begin to worry about their daughters’ future. Although having expectations from a child can lead to a negative effect in a relationship, it can also have a positive outcome in a relationship.
In this text, Deal (2014) explains that “one of the great ironies of divorce” (p. 130) is the need to cooperate with the ex-spouse, even if you hated him before the divorce. My family shows the complexity that divorce can bring to a family’s life, and the adults need to constantly monitor their own attitudes for the sake of the children. Deal encourages building communication and flexibility; however, his reminder to accept that neither co-parent can control the other’s household decision is one of
This is further negated by the brief description given of his wife’s challenging life—caught between work and family; being raised to believe that she could become a successful woman, yet ingrained with the “maternal instinct” to stay home and take care of the children. To the reader, this language suggests Bartels to be a wonderful man (husband), subservient to his wife, and willing to spring into action at her every beck and call. Yet, Bartels’ wife seems to underappreciate him, as every little action he commits, she’s unhappy with, and his effort doesn’t show in their arguments (58). “If this is my castle, it is under siege. From within,” looks to simply be a cry for help from the author, but the connotation subtly implies Bartels’ wife is relentlessly attacking him (i.e. dragons and knights) in a place he should feel safe and loved (59).
Since most men have mothers to cater to their every need up until the time they move out, they have outrageous expectations of how a wife should act and what duties she should perform. Judy Brady, who is a wife and mother, wrote the essay "I Want a Wife" to explain what men want in a wife. She discusses the different skills a wife needs to possess for a man to consider her a good wife. Brady’s use of repetition, constant sarcasm, and defensive word choice throughout her essay makes it successful by relating to women’s frustrations of being a wife.
Human beings are not isolated individuals. We do not wander through a landscape of trees and dunes alone, reveling in our own thoughts. Rather, we need relationships with other human beings to give us a sense of support and guidance. We are social beings, who need talk and company almost as much as we need food and sleep. We need others so much, that we have developed a custom that will insure company: marriage. Marriage assures each of us of company and association, even if it is not always positive and helpful. Unfortunately, the great majority of marriages are not paragons of support. Instead, they hold danger and barbs for both members. Only the best marriages improve both partners. So when we look at all three of Janie’s marriages, only her marriage to Teacake shows the support, guidance, and love.
Upon you making a promise with someone else, you have emphasized on the speech acts because it forces for another person to act basis on the situation. The anger can be found in three different claims: accepting, challenging or defending. However, not all anger can be found on any three different claims as it not only limited to three different claims but can occur between the relationship of one outset. A woman went through the trouble of fixing her carburetor which the gas attendant began to play with her carburetor which it angers the woman as she went through the trouble and sharply ordered him to stop. It results for the man to yell at her as a crazy bitch, while his other response could be defensing himself by claiming that he is just fixing the problem. It shows how the man took the matter and discarding her anger as unreasonable by accusing her being a crazy bitch, as he did not overlook the fact that the woman struggled to get her carburetor. Her anger is representation of claim to receive respect even she is a woman. Women have some difficulty to be angry in the society as she only is allowed to be angry with her children. The society views woman as stay home mom and raising children to be proper adults while the car property belongs to male even the woman owns it, which it leads the gas attendant to call her crazy because he view the car as a property of male. To conclude, the women are allowed to be angry in others behalf,
" Family Relations 52.4 (2003): 363-72. Print. Hanson, Richard R. "Optimizing Marital Success: The Conscious Couple Uniting Process. "
People used to hide a lot of things from the society during the beginning of this century because they followed and valued the traditional norm. During today’s generation, people speak out the truth because they don’t believe or follow the traditional values. When Coontz said we have higher expectations of parenting and marriage, she means parents were expected to raise their children properly without hurting their kids and providing financial support and as well as family support. When children need to talk to a parent, they should have that support. Since modern families are changing, Coontz is worried about whether or not it will harm children's lifestyle.
Marriage was once for the sole purpose of procreation and financially intensives. Living up to the roles that society had placed on married couples, more so women, is no longer the goal in marriage. Being emotional satisfied, having a fulfilled sex life and earning money is more important in marriage (Cherlin, 2013). Couples no longer feel the obligation to put the needs of their partner in front of their own needs. In the 1960’s and later it was the woman’s job to ensure that the house was clean, the children were bathed and dinner was prepared before the husband came home work. However, once more and more women began to enter the workplace and gain more independence, a desire for self-development and shared roles in the household lead way the individualistic marriage that is present in today’s society (Cherlin,
...entury gender roles within their marriage are unbalanced, furthermore, holding a reoccurring pattern of injustice.
The statistics for divorce in America are alarming. As of 2013, forty-three percent of all marriages end in divorce. (Trudi Strain Trueit) Of that percentage, only twelve percent went through a friendly and easy divorce. (Trudi Strain Trueit) Research shows that more than twenty percent of people have parents who argue excessively prior to their divorce. (Trudi Strain Trueit) Sometimes, the split helps calm these tensions, but statistics show that most couples who separate, will get divorced. Other times, the fighting continues after the divorce, with children getting caught in the middle. Studies show that the divorce rate among couples with children is forty percent lower than couples without children. (Miller)
Inside the article “Why Marriage is Good for You”, Maggie Gallagher makes claims that marriage improves many facets of an individual’s life; including both mental and physical health, longevity, finances, and reduced chances of infidelity (Gallagher). The statements made throughout the article reference many statistics and studies conducted by various organizations and individuals, however, Gallagher falls victim to a number of common logical fallacies. While this weakens Gallagher’s argument in the article, it does not necessarily make it false.
“You change for two reasons: either you learn enough that you want to, or you’ve been hurt enough that you have to.” While maturing, young adults start searching for other peers to settle down with and marry. Although glamorous to picture, marriage is a commitment two partners make for life. To stick by one another “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health” (Sample Marriage Vows, 2004). Unfortunately, the promise to stay true to one another through everything diminishes. Resulting in what modern day society’s term as divorce. There are many paragons to justify on why individuals consider such deviances from their oaths. This does not mean, however, that every marriage will end in a catastrophe. Matrimony involves learning throughout life on how to work as one. Some couples play by the books and develop a system that agrees with both parties. Differing partners, on the other hand, fail at the teamwork category in their relationship. Therefore, the cause and effects of divorce in the United States of America illustrates different reasons on why and how the term comes about.