Analyzing Bartels 'Article, My Problem With Her Anger'

Although in today’s world, society is gravitating towards equality and experiencing a pro-feministic movement, the debate over the elusive double standard governing gender roles and relationships still exists. Across the nation, men, such as Eric Bartels, a newspaper writer, have taken to expressing their discontent in their relationships, where they often feel that they are the underappreciated party. Bartels’ article, “My Problem with Her Anger,” (57-63) was first published in The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Fatherhood, and Freedom in 2004. Through the article, Bartels attempts to subtly persuade the reader that these issues are relevant and prevailing in our egalitarian driven

This is further negated by the brief description given of his wife’s challenging life—caught between work and family; being raised to believe that she could become a successful woman, yet ingrained with the “maternal instinct” to stay home and take care of the children. To the reader, this language suggests Bartels to be a wonderful man (husband), subservient to his wife, and willing to spring into action at her every beck and call. Yet, Bartels’ wife seems to underappreciate him, as every little action he commits, she’s unhappy with, and his effort doesn’t show in their arguments (58). “If this is my castle, it is under siege. From within,” looks to simply be a cry for help from the author, but the connotation subtly implies Bartels’ wife is relentlessly attacking him (i.e. dragons and knights) in a place he should feel safe and loved (59). Immediately after, Bartels adds that when an argument occurs over seemingly insignificant and natural behaviors (e.g. his son dumping a snack on the floor), he attempts to calm his belligerent wife in “the quietest, most reasonable tone” he can muster (subservient), while giving a logical explanation as to why this behavior isn’t exactly rational. Yet, the author seems to take the brunt of the

This, he argues, is great (and he seems genuinely pleased with this change), yet women need to take the final step—to stop being angry and blaming their husband—and for lack of better terms, “buck up” (Bartels, 60). This contradicts the very basis of Bartels’ reasoning for writing this article—to explain how men feel about various topics (love, loss, fatherhood, etc)—as well as deterring various readers who happen to be female (or feminist), due to his particular phrasing potentially being sexist—when he (and the other men in “The Bastard on The Couch”) could simply take his own advice. However, Bartels proceeds on a tangent, describing his experience as a bartender and states “women should be eager to learn what most men know about anger management” (61). The anecdote offers no real sustenance for his argument and is contradicted later by the repetition of how he and his wife get angry and argue, yet they need to “fix this anger problem”