Couple Types and Communication Patterns Within Marriage It has often been said that communication is the key to a good marriage. How important is communication to a successful marriage? Are there types of communications we use that can lead to a higher success rate in marriage? Research done by Fitzpatrick, Gottman and Levenson suggest that the types of communication we use can be hugely influential in determining the success or failure of marriages. In this paper, couple types, communication patterns and conflict styles between couples in marriage will be unpacked to shown how each of these relates to one another in terms of overall marital happiness and success.
In 1988, Mary Ann Fitzpatrick categorized individuals who were in marriages
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Examples of positive behavior are validation, listening skills and deescalation during low level conflict. Gottman and Levenson believe that these behaviors lead to satisfaction within the marriage. Often, the ways we communicate that are associated with an unsatisfactory marriage will include non verbal communications. Some examples of this include, “rolling” of the eyes, stiffening of the body, facial reactions and staring off into space. Opposite, in a satisfied marriage listening, validation of one another, as well as, blaming the situation rather than their spouse will be predominant behaviors. Gottman uses this information to theorize that if the relationship has a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative communication behaviors, the marriage would likely lead to a satisfied marriage. These responses described relate back to the marriage types mentioned above. For example, those who fall into Fitzpatrick’s ‘separate’ category likely will show behavior such as withdrawal from conflict. These behaviors lead to negative communication patterns and through these classifications it is possible to predict …show more content…
This is how spouses communicate with each other specifically related to conflict. Dean Busby and Thomas Holman describe these conflict styles in four categories, avoidant, validating, volatile and hostile. In their research they wanted to determine if certain pairs of conflict styles would be more or less functional than others. Avoidant refers to avoiding conflict altogether. These individuals do not like or deem necessary to talk about their emotions. Validating is described as valuing the other partner’s opinions, value discussions of conflict, exhibit self control and calmness during conflict and resolution. Volatile individuals likely value passion, engage is debating, arguing and intense emotional build-ups and resolutions. Finally, examples of the hostile conflict style include, sarcasm, put downs and difficulty listening. What Busby and Holman found is that couples who were categorized as volatile-avoidant were significantly less functional then other
It is not all about communication” . It says that not surprisingly those couples who reported communicating more effectively showed the highest satisfaction with their relationships. But the next two reasons which were also the only other ones with strong links to couple happiness, were knowledge of partner which included everything from knowing their pizza-topping preferences to their hopes and dreams and life skills like being able to hold a job, manage money, etc . But in order to have a healthy relationship I do believe that the communication is key but they also do need to know how to communicate in a healthy way that will not cause
Communications generally occur in body languages: how the individuals interpret each other. Her essay is an event that is reoccurring more and more lately. The event results in a failure in marriage. In today’s society more and more people are splitting up or having divorces due to miscommunications. The essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,” that Deborah Tannen wrote is much use of today because it explains where miscommunications happen and she has her own studies and research to back it up. The essay goes into depth about her ideologies that cause miscommunications. Look at a miscommunication twice and do not be quick to judge because it will save plenty of
In our last unit, we learned that emotions can have a huge impact on how conflicts are driven and also the outcome. The styles ask us what individual styles each party uses. The negotiation asks: are the parties able to negotiate with one another? Why or why not (Wilmot & Hocker, 2011)?
The article “Sex, Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to EachOther?” by Deborah Tannen talks about the possible reasons as to why it is difficult for men and women to communicate with each other in their everyday lives. She begins by explaining about a gathering that she addressed in which woman attended with their husbands. During the gathering she experiences a man who was chattering the whole time yet stated that his wife is actually the talker in the relationship when it comes to nonpublic communication. Tannen than begins to analyze as to why, in the modern world, men prefer their wives to be the talker in their relationship, and how could miscommunication, lead to divorce. Tannen addresses multiple causes about why men and woman react so differently when it comes to talking to each other, such as childhood conditioning, different attention processing, and misinterpretation when speaking.
There is no doubt that conflict occurs in every human institution including professional, unions, and educational and vocational environment. However effective exchange ideas through communication can greatly minimize the effects of marital conflict. Studies have suggested that couples remain married if they successfully manage their interpersonal communication on the basis of accommodating individual differences, problem resolving skills, forgiveness, collective decision making, empathy and above all positive conflict management.
One can easily compare my brother, Andrew, interpersonal conflict with this model. The model consists of the two most important aspects of a conflict, communication behaviors, and the perception of those behaviors. The communication behaviors that existed within Andrew interpersonal conflict were obviously differences between both parties. My brother, Andrew, felt attacked and betrayed by his friends and family, so his communication was very selective. When Andrew would speak to the other party (friends and family) he would lash out by yelling and screaming. Whereas, the communication behaviors among Andrew’s friends and my family was claim but aggressive. They showed their true emotions, even though those emotions hurt Andrew severely. They were brutally honest and they did not back down. They made sure that their message was
" Family Relations 52.4 (2003): 363-72. Print. Hanson, Richard R. "Optimizing Marital Success: The Conscious Couple Uniting Process. "
Fig 1.0 shows the possible relationship that might exist between the main variables of the study: Self Consciousness, Couple Power and Marital Satisfaction. It has been cited in many studies that there is a positive significant relationship existing between the variables. The study would like to know if the affirmation of the relationship exists in the Philippine context with the househusbands as the respondents of the study.
According to the survey that I completed in “The Conflict Style Assessment” found in the Conerly article my style is that of Confronting. I will agree in some degree with the style because I do place a high value on relationship goals and I am assertive and cooperative (Conerly, 2004).
As an illustration, tension in relationship can result from having money problems, seems to be the biggest problem for couples. As a result, there seems to be a lot of fighting going on in the relationship. Another, problem may be in the relationship, there is one or both partners re interested in someone else (coldness or openness) or one may be seeing someone, which cause confusion and arguing among themselves (DeVito 2016). Therefore, the theory posits that relationships can succumb to pressures that are often associated with maintaining connections and relationships, and the communication patterns can be affected by these forms of instability. (DeVito 2016) Equally important, patterns in communication that create a constant state of imbalance acts in such a way that it is adverse to cultivating and sustaining developed relationships. There are four principle concepts that are associated with this theory: opposing needs and desire, connection with others, autonomy and independence. (DeVito 2016 Pg. 236). One of the most prominent strengths of this theory is the practicality that is associated with rebalance of your life. It provides a sense of stability in relationships when someone utilizes the theory correctly. Communication strategies are taught in this theory which is great. For example, the principle issues is that it assumes that
Our behavior or conflict style tells a lot about us as humans. It is an important piece of life’s puzzles, and how we go about living a healthy life. Our particular path decides where conflict will lead to, or if it could be resolved quickly with everyone feeling content. However, our non-verbal behavior could indicate when a person is upset or anoid.This is usually related to unmet needs or goals (Steve A. Beebe, 2008, p. 191).
In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) John M. Gottman provides insight on the seven fundamental tools to construct positive relationships. Through long years of research, Gottman studied married couples and noted degenerative behaviors that hindered the formation and attainment of a long and healthy marriage. Gottman research focused on several key behavioral predictors of divorce, which he calls the “The Four Horsemen”; Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
Communication is important in relationships as it allows us to share our interest, concerns, support each other; organize our lives and make decisions; and it allows us to work together. Effective communication is based on the way we talk and listen, how we respond and our body language. We can all learn how to improve the way we communicate.
Communication Patterns: How does it Contribute to Marital Adjustment?" Journal of marital and family therapy 25.2 (1999): 211-23. ProQuest Central. Web. 5 Mar. 2013.
The success of any relationship relies on the ability to communicate well. Communication is important in all relationships as it allows us to share our interests, concerns, and support of each other. It helps us to organize our lives and make decisions; and it allows us to work together. Effective communication is based on the way we talk and listen, how we respond as well as our body language. We can all learn how to improve the way we communicate because it takes more than words to create a safe, exciting and secure relationship. All too often the signals we send are not those we intend to send, and when this happens, both the connection and trust are lost in our relationships.