When Should I Get Married? - 5 Important Questions That You Should Answer Before Tying the Knot
Long married couples usually have this to say to marrying couples as if to warn them of a future that is bound to get doomed; “Marriage is not always a bed of roses. It is a responsibility starting from day one.”
This sounds scary. But no one can deny the ounce of truth that is embedded in its every word. The question, therefore, is not how to make it a bed of roses. It is rather more important to answer the “5 W” questions of who, what, when, where and why when deciding whether it is really the time to finally utter that once-in-a-lifetime “I do”.
1. Who is the one responsible for a successful marriage—wife or husband?
The thing is, marriage is for two people who made a promise to be one in sickness and in health, for poorer or for richer, until death do they part. This is not recited just for the heck of it. Nor is it being recited to sound a little bit more like madly in-love individuals.
It is actually recited to remind the couple of the life that they are getting themselves into. As soon as couples get engaged, plan for the wedding, and finally exchange vows, they are already beginning to live a life of partnership.
It means that every decision does not lie on the man or the woman alone. Choosing the wedding motif, deciding on the venue and picking which food to serve the guests are all part of a journey of a lifetime together and it should not end after the honeymoon.
What used to be trivial matters of food choices escalate to more serious marital concerns including parenting, budgeting and waning intimacy. Truth be told, the only way to face them is by being effective partners-in-crime.
In very simple words, the success o...
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...o a failed marriage—miscommunication or no communication at all, waning levels of intimacy, growing mistrust, etc.
It is very important to keep communication open, maintain friendship in marriage and to nurture intimacy with each other even after 30 years. These three things possess the magic that makes most marriages successful.
5. Why will I ever want to get married?
Let’s face it. Single blessedness is nice. But being married is awesome! To march down the aisle is only one thing. But to spend a lifetime with a person who knows you more than you know yourself (sometimes) is the real thing.
Imagine going home to a loving husband after a stressful day at work. Still not convinced? Just imagine having someone to celebrate all your birthdays with, finish that seafood pasta that your tummy could no longer take. It is going to be one less lonely girl in the world.
The first type of person who marries or wants to do so is known as the marriage naturalist. This tends to be the majority of rural populations who seem to still have similar views to that of former generations when it comes to the ultimate commitment. These traditional people see marriage as something that should be done as the next step of adulthood. Typically, marriage naturalists wed if the relationship has endured for long enough and the time feels right. For them, the transition into adulthood is fairly quick. Many go on to higher education for a short or average amount of time, or head directly into the work force. Instead of waiting for stability, they decide to make the plunge depending on how long the relationship has been going. It’s a steady flow, and usually based on the two people as a whole instead of each person as an individual. As a result,...
In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) John M. Gottman provides insight on the seven fundamental tools to construct positive relationships. Through long years of research, Gottman studied married couples and noted degenerative behaviors that hindered the formation and attainment of a long and healthy marriage. Gottman research focused on several key behavioral predictors of divorce, which he calls the “The Four Horsemen”; Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
Clinton and Sibcy (2006) point to a recurring pattern within a marriage suffering from disconnect, and that is the pattern of pursuing and withdrawing. When a couple is in a cycle of hurt, one spouse will react to the disconnect or drift by pursuing the other partner. The pursued partner reacts by withdrawing. This pattern continues the hurt, causes the cyclical pattern of one partner pursuing and the other partner withdrawing. Neither spouse can connect with the other and each struggle with understanding where the other is coming from. As the drift progresses in the marriage, Balswick and Balswick (2014) note that “over a period of time, the wife’s verbal expression of love will diminish. Many a wife begins marriage with expansive declarations of love for her husband, but without reciprocal expression, she will express her feelings less frequently.” (p.
“‘Til death do us part,” a vow couples often make as they begin their lifelong journey, is telling of the predicted longevity of their commitment. However, many do not approach marriage with a mindset that will increase their odd of marital success. Some approach marriage looking for a soulmate, while others approach marriage looking for a partner that will support as well as a person to be with for the rest of their lives. Although the two can overlap sometimes, one yields better results than the other.
... to each individual. If one finds his self or her self far happier with less responsibilities and enjoys the freedom that comes with being single than it is their right to remain single and happy. If one enjoys the security and stableness of marriage than it is their right to be married. One can also live the single life for as long as they would like, and then decide to marry. While at the same time those who are married can decide to get a divorce and revert back to being single. Whatever creates the most happiness in one’s life is what they should pursue. Ultimately this question is up to the individual and what they prefer. This question is one that is very multifaceted and has a lot of complexities surrounding it. There are valuable insights to each point of view of which will make one happier and it is up to that individual to find what works best for them.
Marriage is the beginning of family life, culmination of a period of seeking a mate, and realization of a major goal.
The best cement of a couple’s relationship is comprehension, and conversation. “Sex, Lies and Conversation” by Deborah Tannin points out that the lack of conversation is one of the major reasons why people divorce. Distance is created quickly if a husband or a wife does not share his or her feelings, does not tell his or her partner what is happening, and keep the feelings; however, a successful relationship constantly keeps the lines of communication open.
This perfect day is dreamt of by a little girl her entire life. Endless amount of time and effort goes in to making this day feel like a dream. Many thoughts and conversations have gone into deciding everything from food, color for the flowers and decorations, the bridesmaids, where this event will take place, what to say in the ceremony and the list goes on. Dates are to be set aside to simply practice for this special, yet stressful, day. On this important day, the couple will then be legally unionized as partners in a relationship. Is there more to marriage than just the unification of two people? Is marriage viewed as the basis for having or raising a family? What is marriage? A type of marriage has been found in every, known human society.
Who wouldn’t agree that marriage is a beautiful thing? Spending your life with your significant other is an amazing experience that most people get to have at some point in their life. Committing to the right person is a great step towards a joyful future.“However, divorce and separation seem to be highly private decisions, based on considerations made by individuals and couples” (Dronkers 479). In today’s society, divorce has been a problem for many couples. There are many factors such as financial problems, addictions, lack of commitment, and others that cause divorce. However, for any causes there will always be effects as well. The major effects of divorce is the way children 's lives are impacted. Divorce can also affect the spouse 's
When Love Story first appeared, our society was still extremely absorbed in a marriage culture that encouraged and supported getting and staying married. But inside a few years, the women's movement, the pill, the sexual revolution, and various economic shifts had permanently transformed that marriage-centric society. Marriage is not an endangered species, but it is surrounded by enormous difficulties that were not readily apparent 35 or 40 years ago. Divorce is a very serious presence — over 50 percent of our marriages end in di...
Throughout the last half of the century, our society has watched the divorce rate of married couples skyrocket to numbers previously not seen. Although their has been a slight decline in divorce rates, “half of first marriages still were expected to dissolve before death.” (Stacy, 15, 1991) Whatever happened to that meaningful exchange of words, “until death do us part,” uttered by the bride and groom to each other on their wedding day? What could have been the cause of such inflated divorce rates? Perhaps young married couples are not mature enough to be engaged in such a trremendous responsibility, or, maybe, the couples really do not know each other as well as they thought. Possibly, they have been blinded by infatuation rather than by true love, or, quite simply, the couples mistakenly have different relational expectations.
The long-term success of marriage is measured by how effective and efficient individual couples exchange and express their feeling not only to address the problem that might arise but most important how they resolve it through
Before I finish, I would like to offer my own advice for a happy and successful marriage, now just because I’m not married or never have been it doesn’t mean to say I am now not an expert on it.
Marriage is one of the oldest cultural institutions in the world. Its status has changed drastically over the years, and in the last few decades alone has gone from being a social expectation to simply an option for most people. In the 1920s, marriage was generally considered an expectation for all young women, lest they dry up like cacti before they bore children. Today, marriage is generally recognized as a commitment that may satisfy some, though many choose to forgo the process. The differences between the cultural perception of marriage in the “Roaring Twenties” compared to today have manifested themselves in many different ways.
To begin with, lack of communication is a significant cause of the recent rise in the rates of divorce. A marriage is on the rocks when the lines of communication fail. People will tend to stay quiet about money management and job issues, because they don’t want to burden their partner. Most of the time they think it’s easier to deal with it by one’s self, but in reality, it’s pushing their partner out of the room and shutting the door. When this starts to happen, it’s harder to push back. In marriage, one person’s problems is supposed to be handled by both. One will feel neglected if they don’t have a say in a particular situation. Thus, resentment and distance starts growing between the two. Those small problems now become big problems, which result in separation. In order to have a good solid foundation, each couple needs to be heard and voice his or her own feelings. This includes conflict of opinion with concerns to small or big disputes such as religion, children, job opportunities and money management.