letter of confession

~Before I begin this letter, I want you to know that the reason why I’m sharing this with you is because I feel that I have to be completely honest about something that’s very personal to me. Originally, I wanted to tell you, but I just did not feel comfortable and I did not trust you enough. But, I can not keep this from you any longer. I hope after I explain this that you can understand why I did so~

The past two years of my life have been filled with extreme hardship. Although I have had positive things take place in my life, the bad always seems to outweigh the good. When I was going out with Lamar, my high school fling, a gynecologist in Newburgh told me that I had Abnormal Cells and she needed to take a closer look at them. She said not to worry, but that it crucial that she did a procedure to examine the cells carefully because if she didn’t, I could possibly develop Cancer in my Cervix. During this time, mind you, I was having unprotected sex with Lamar and he was the first boy I did that with. This “careful” procedure (known as a biopsy, coposcopy-not really sure how to spell this one) that she performed was one of the most uncomfortable things I ever had to go through. It involves doing something, that makes you feel like you have bad period cramps without having your actual period. After doing this close examination, I did not hear anything again from this doctor until about a year later, which at that time, I considered them incompetent. Before I went away to college, I went to the city to visit my mother’s GYN for a regular pap smear. She then wrote to me in college telling me that my cells were abnormal and that I needed to take some medication (basically this crap that I had to stick up in my coochie). She also told me that I needed to come in so she could do another check-up. So I took the medicine thinking (or rather hoping) that it would clear up whatever was going on down there. I went the GYN in early October. There, she told me that the pap in August should cells of H P V, a sexually transmitted disease, that if left untreated, could cause Cancer.