Witty Comeback: A Narrative Fiction

Charlie ordered the usual – ½ ounce Averna amaro, ½ ounce fresh lemon, and ½ ounce of ginger simple syrup or also known as the Witty Comeback. A refreshing drink for solemn times and bitter nights especially when the heart was burning up. Twelve weeks have passed since the devastating breakup. The world was wonderful until that crushing moment when Charlie caught her with the dog. Not the alligator, not the kangaroo, not the chimpanzee, not even the raccoon, but the dog. Best friend, bullshit. A shameless betrayal of his lifetime trust that couldn’t be forgiven. Perhaps, not even once. As many others, Charlie tried to erase the traumatic memory with alcohol, with a lot of alcohol. This glorious attempt was marked with failure, though he succeeded

to become penniless. Poor as a churchmouse, he had to seek out for new bars to fulfill the emptiness with a sip of the viscous amaro. Too syrupy, too bitter, too sweet, and too addictive.
The sweat was dropping slowly on his back, the drink was going down, Bill Halley was rocking around the clock tonight, and then silence, sudden overwhelming silence. The jukebox stopped again.
- “What a joke!” Charlie quietly growled. Damm – dam – durida – bam bam darudida dum dam. Charlie glanced around and noticed that purple zebra in the right corner just chilling and slightly moving her thighs in rhythm with the night.
- “Bartender one more please?”
- “You have money?” Charlie clearly looked like a bum.

- “What, do I look like a tramp?”

He walked through the bar, singing the song in his head – Damm – dam – durida – bam bam darudida dum bam. Mmm!

- “You have beautiful thighs Ms.”

- “I know.” she sneered.

- “Ha, I like your confidence. Have a little dance with me? “

- “I’d rather die than have anything with you.”

- “Life is short, sweetheart.” Charlie knew women and that every no can turn into a yes.

He loved tough bitches mostly because they were mad hot and the sex was fun. Charlie believed he could seduce every female in a radius of 6 and a half miles especially when he had nothing to lose. Though, he had lost form after all those years and wasn’t in the perfect flirting mood. A quick sip of courage and it was time for magic. She had those thighs, green eyes, long dark hair and oh.. those thighs, man. I’m feeling lucky today.

- “You know, I like your purple dress, baby.”

- “Good for you.”

- “Are you a prostitute?”

- “Are you a retard? Go find another hobby. This one is going to get you in trouble.” she said bluntly.

- “Trouble is all need, sweetheart.”

- “Call me sweetheart one more time and.”

- “And you are going to kiss me, sweetheart?” Charlie

interrupted.
The zebra was kind of a big deal and nobody had ever talked with her like this before. She was absolutely disgusted by Charlie’s appearance, but there was also something cute in him. In a normal day, she would just call her entourage to deal with the impudent. At that night, she decided to give the poor guy one more chance. Charlie had gotten another sweet amaro and was convinced each small talk is a step to the successful ending of the night.
- “Are you ready to give me a kiss?”
- “Are you ready to get punched in the face?” she answered swiftly.
- “Always ready, baby.”
- “You’re lucky I got my nails done earlier today.”
- “I thought the bad girls don’t care about their manicure.”
- “Who said I am a bad girl?”
- “I hoped you are, sweetheart.”
- “I told you not to call me..”
Charlie leaned forward and kissed her. After a second of complete shock and surprise, the zebra pushed him back.
- “You’re a pig! GET AWAY from me!”
- “C’mon, I know you liked it.”
- “Hey, you heard the lady!” the bartender shouted from behind.
- “Mind your own business, buddy!” Charlie said in response.
- “I do.” the bartender was coming up with a bat.
Charlie stood up, ready for a fight. The sweat came back again. He didn’t care because he was the man who could do it at any time in any place. He had nothing to lose. Charlie looked at her without realizing he would never see her again. He smiled. Oh, those thighs. Beautiful! He fainted.
Damm – dam – durida – bam bam darudida dum damm
On the next morning Charlie woke up and found himself standing in front of the pearly gates.