Tinder Killed The Romance Star Analysis

Tinder Killed the Romance Star

In the United States, unattached men and women in their 20s and 30s are experiencing an unprecedented explosion of possibilities when meeting other singles. While well-established means still exist, such as meeting companions through family, friends, church, at work, and while attending college there is a growing number of people meeting their partners online. Convenience coupled with a seemingly endless supply of dating options is killing romance by lowering expectations and evolving what previous generations have thought of love.

According to Aziz Ansari and Charlotte Alter in the article “Love in the Age of Like,” they claim that “38% of Americans who describe themselves as “single and looking” have used an online-dating site” (2). This has caused an explosion in the

online dating world that is now a 2.4-billion-dollar industry. (Ansari and Alter 2) With such a large upsurge of online dating, there has been a decreasing correlation of conventional dating. “In the history of our species, no group has ever had as many romantic options as we have now,” Ansari states in his article. (3) Online dating may appear to be a faster and more efficient way to sift through potential partners in the hope of finding “the one,” but that does not seem to be working out that way for the majority of participants. In Ansari’s article, a twenty-seven-year-old female, named Priya, gave up on online dating for the same reason several others have, the process of online dating “had morphed from something fun and exciting into a source of stress and dread” (3). To the casual Tinder swiper, this lackluster feeling might not apply, due to their lack of sincere effort or investment. The constant exertion leaves little room for spontaneous moments of budding love in between hours of swiping, reading biographies, and spending wasted hours of conversation with a potential date only to receive the inevitable “send nudes” text.
Traditionally a couple would go out on a couple of dates, correspond over the phone and then decide if a relationship was worth pursuing. Therefore, it is difficult to see passion in a system that is more akin to a survey filled out at the mall than what has been immortalized in classic love stories. The article mentions that singles spend hours disregarding flawed characteristics through filters making sure procurable mates fill the precise parameters of the ideal mate (Ansari and Alter 4). With options like Tinder, daters do not have to get to know one another, nor do they have to be that interesting, or even kind. Poetry and love letters have been replaced with in application messages simply stating, “I’d smash.” Women no longer expect to be given flowers on the first date but to be accosted by unsolicited “d*ck pics” within minutes of talking to someone new. Not only is this an everyday reality but has become so dire that people no longer aspire to create their own epic love stories.
As younger generations become more uninteresting, so do the plots of romance films. In the article, “Rom-coms Hop in Bed with Modern Dating” the authors say new films “paint a more contemporary picture of romance: twenty- and thirty somethings who favor one-night stands over being tied down” (Ryan Patrick et al 1). Hopefully this is not indicative of most millennials. But emphatically, it is too soon to renounce acts such as holding up boomboxes outside a lover’s window or to cease chasing down the girl onto a plane to serenade her with words of love because they are so irreplaceable that they feel their heart will cease to beat without them.
This movement of flash online/app dating could be a symptom of the fact that the next generation is waiting longer to get married. In the U.S. alone, marriage rates have dropped almost 60% from 1970 to 2012 (Ansari and Alter 5). The number of single person households consist of almost half of all residents in major cities (Ansari and Alter 5). Marriage, may in fact, be on its way to obscurity in America. Although marriage is not synonymous with romance, this shift of commitment displays the differences between lasting relationships and binge dating. Or possibly the decline in marriages is because the generation is too assimilated to the thought that with enough research and patience something better will come along, leading them to never be sincerely happy with what they currently have. Ansari claims that this results in people spending their 20s in the pursuit of more options of companionship than ever before (2). But what sacrifices are the young and single making for this quantity of options? Perhaps the desire for the next better thing is leading young singles to these superficial dating sites, especially the ones focused so strongly on hookups based off physical attraction are now seen as the only option.
Even OkCupid founder, Christian Rudder, claims that photos are 90% of what drives initial interaction among members online dating action (Ansari and Alter 4). However, that may not be as superficial as it seems; just because a man appears attractive does not mean he will get a lot of matches. For instance, if his profile picture has him drunk and surrounded by old frat buddies at thirty, this may send the wrong message causing women to swipe left. In the Arkansas area, if a man does not have a picture of himself holding a fish, he is deemed a unicorn and will receive voluminous matches simply because a lot of women do not wish to spend their first date on an episode of “Duck Dynasty”. With these results from dating apps, one might wonder why movies have not turned more towards “You’ve Got Catfish” or “Must Love Beer Bongs.”
In a subsection of Ansari’s article titled “Passion and Patience,” he speaks about the beginning parts of a relationship, the intoxicating feeling of the new ardor igniting in both lovers.

This resulting in dopamine flooding into an individual’s brain, which Ansari compares to cocaine usage (5). The consequential addiction to this euphoric feeling is just the next new drug and young people are looking for their next fix by chasing one high after another. Once the high crashes and the work begins, then most see this as the opportune time to seek out the next high, because why would anyone choose to not feel like that forever? This approach is much like ordering pizza on a phone app. The desire for that cheesy deliciousness hits a person and they know with just a minute number of clicks on their phone they will have what they crave. Ultimately, those picking their mates in much the same fashion as they are order pizza, they are likely to end up with similar results. Yes, the pizza will feed someone and keep them alive, but due to being composed predominantly of artificial ingredients, it is not likely to sustain them for long, no matter how decadent the taste may

be.
Humans need strong relationships with a certain level of attachment and affection to maintain an optimal mental state. However, love, intimacy, and family take work to achieve and even more work to maintain; there is not an app or algorithm to cut the corners on that fact. Love provides humans with feelings of security, purpose, safety, and confidence: also teaching kindness and empathy. This begins from the moment of birth as even animals form a strong attachment to their mothers biologically, knowing they cannot survive this world alone. The superficial connections that are absorbed through laissez-faire dating habits could lead to the stunted ability to express love, which is scary since love is, one of the strongest factors that shapes human behavior.
That is not to say that there is something wrong with casual encounters. Homo sapiens have and always will correlate love with attraction; technology has not made humanity more shallow, just more honest about it. As the statistics show, not everyone wants to get married, some choose to experience life on a less serious level by keeping relationships casual. Mayhap they are just wanting something casual to give themselves time to grow and figure out what they want down the road. Also, not all internet dating is created equal. For example, paid services such as, Eharmony, tend to have patrons that are looking for a more serious commitment.
Though this cultural shift may indicate that romance is obsolete. There is still hope, the fact that romance is the number one best-selling book genre is not a fluke. This indicates that people have not given up on the idea of passion filled commitment and obtaining that one extraordinary love. Just like in other species the male does what the female wants to attract a mate, whether that be a colorful dance or ramming horns with a competitor. Romance will only truly die when women start believing that there is not another option and accept “I’d smash” as a compliment and “Netflix and Chill” as an ideal first date.