The Ways We Lie By Stephanie Ericsson

Everybody lies at least once in their life. It could be a stranger walking past you to a person that you are close to or fond of. And it could be a big, complex lie or a small, short lie. People can lie anywhere and everywhere. From a private secluded area to a public spacious environment. I admit that I lie many times in my life on multiple occasions. In the article “The Ways We Lie ” by Stephanie Ericsson, the author points out that lies are harmful. First, the author lists various types of lies that people use every day. Second, the author gives examples of each type of lie. Lastly, the author conveys the negative effects about lying to people. I strongly disagree with the author's statement; lying is not always detrimental to others because

it can be a way of respect, avoidance, deflection, and not hurting others.
The first reason why lies are not detrimental to other people is because it is a path of respect to other individuals. In my Iranian culture, especially in my close knit family is that we have important “do’s and don'ts” when we use etiquette. One of the important “don'ts” in Persian culture is not to say the blunt truth, especially if it is negative. For example, lying to the older generation to be polite. When I about ten years old, I went to a wedding in Iran. The day before the wedding, my mom, dad, brother aunts,uncles,great aunts, great uncles and many cousins were getting ready to go to the ceremony. As we were getting reading to go, one of my Great Aunts, Nahid asked me in Farsi for my honest opinion on her overall look for the wedding. My Great Aunt Nahid is a wacky and uncoordinated dresser in my opinion. On the day of the wedding her hair was oddly warped up in different directions and uneven like roots on a tree trunk. The jewelry that she wore was a giant, gold, bulky chained necklace that looked more like a dog collar. Her shoes were silver and very embellished with many rhinestones that looked like two Christmas ornaments on her feet. Finally, her dress was gold, long and baggy making her look unflattering. As a result, I did not like my Great Aunt’s look for the wedding. I wanted to tell her that what she was wearing was not the best look for her but actually the worst; however, I knew I couldn’t. So, I bit my lip hard and lied through my teeth. I told her it was fine and she looked great. Expressing your negative opinions about a relative, you always say something nice regardless. In addition, you are doing it out of respectfulness and ladylikeness for yourself and your family. If I did tell the honest and ugly truth about her look, then I would be labeled as a rude and impudent person to the whole extended family.
The second reason why lies are not damaging to other people is because it can be a tool of avoidance for a person.

According to Ericsson in the reading, “ The real issue is forgotten and the sins from the original victim become the focus” (Ericsson, 124) . In this quote the author counters and defines decepting as a way to distract a person into doing some other action. As a result this is a tool and can help a person guide another person in their thoughts in another direction. Decepting can be done in many ways and forms such as changing the subject in a conversation. For example, a group of friends were chatting and brought up a topic of something scary such as slasher movies. However, if one person feels very uncomfortable about this topic then, that person would change the subject and start talking about something more positive and cheerful in the group. As a result, this scenario shows that one person is avoiding the conversation by diverting and guiding the rest of the group from talking about something else such as shoes or going to the mall.This make the person driving the conversation in control in what they want to talk about. Another example of deception being beneficial in society is surprise events such as a party. For instance in television, movies, books and in real life their are a groups of friends that keeps one of their friends out of the loop when they are planning a surprise birthday party. These group of friends are distracting that one particular

friend by taking that person to a location far from where the party is being prepared and held. As a result, in these observations that conveyed person is fed lies in order to have a surprise party to happen.
The third reason why lies are not detrimental to other people is because of deflection. According to the author, “deflecting” is a way to prolong a lie and lay low. People have occupations in deflecting. For example, in a scenario of a king, queen,president, emperor, empress or prime minister of a country can deflect certain information in order to have their kingdom and people protected and safe. Another example is in society is playing poker. For instance, if a group of individuals are playing poker and one individual has a really good hand then, the same person would actually tell a lie that far from the truth that they actually have a bad hand of cards. The person lying and about about their good cards is masking their emotions and good cards in order to win the game.
Finally, the last reason why lies are not detrimental to other people is because it is a method to not hurt an individual's feelings.

For instance, there is a type of lie that people often tell which the author called a “white lie”. The author counters white lies saying that they are a key element to not go through chaotic and repulsive arguments with the people that you are close relationships and you work with professionally. For example, In my observations, I have seen people use this lie their bosses in business and work situations in order to to get benefits like promotions and raises. This can also happen to friendships as well. For instance, In society as a whole we are very judgmental towards each other and when it comes to watching various relationships bloom in beginning before me, I notice that is people are very cautious and aware of one another. People in the beginning do not want to be too blatantly with one another or else that causes huge argument riffs in the relationship. And that could end the relationship. White lies are not a hindrance but a help to society. It makes any kind of relationship last longer. Another example for using a whites lie for a good beneficial purpose is in a memorial service. For instance in a scenario, a man has this co- worker that he works everyday. The co-worker of this man was a great worker but not a great person. The co- worker was annoying and alway in a rotten and complaining attitude towards the man. Suddenly, the co-

worker has an unexpected death and the man goes to his co- worker’s funeral and memorial service to make a eulogy and say a few words about him in front of his friends and family. The man goes to the podium and tells the co- workers friends and family that he was a happy- go - lucky guy and great to be around with all the time. As a result, in this scenario the man created a white lie because he wanted the co- worker’s close family and friends to remember him as they saw him in their eyes instead of the irritating annoyance in the man’s eyes.
There are many different types, sizes, and forms of lies as there are many different types,sizes and forms of shoes. I strongly disagree with the author’s statement that lying to people is harmful. I believe that telling lies to individuals in society is actually beneficial for the following three reasons: lies help mask your raw negative feelings by respecting others, lies can make detours in order for you to be comfortable such as in a conversation by distraction or changing the subject, and lies can help with opinions and judgment by being agreeable.