The Relational Dialectics Theory In Relationships

In every relationship there are good and challenging times. These are caused by many different things, but according to the Relational Dialectics Theory every relationship can be determined by the three basic dialectic tensions. These tensions are autonomy (independence) versus connectedness (has a need to belong), novelty (spontaneous) versus predictability, and openness versus closedness. Each person can fall into one of the two categories in each of the tensions. Figuring out which one of these that you fall into will help you understand how well your relationships work.

In my previous relationship, we never dated. In fact, I was the unwilling “other man”. Before I started to develop feelings for my crush, Enzo, I felt like I never needed

He would try to start fights with me by dangling Enzo in front of me on purpose by sitting on his lap whenever I entered a room and playing with his hair while glaring at me. To get a real reaction out of me he started talking badly about me behind my back and accusing me of being a backstabber and a home wrecker. As a blunt, I often speak my mind, regardless of the consequences. I retaliated by flirting back with Enzo because I knew it would bother his boyfriend, which in hindsight, it was probably a best part of the summer. It ended my friendship with they guy because he and I are complete opposites, but it’s alright because he was honestly the blandest person I ever met. With the end of our friendship it resulted with Enzo and I having an even more complicated relationship as our group of friends were forced to take sides, slowly causing us to grow apart to the point where we would be almost reluctant to hang out with each other. The most frustrating part of the situation is when Jose and I would argue about something, even though Enzo knew that I was right and didn’t start it, he would take Jose’s side because they were a “couple”. I confronted a mutual friend about the situation because I wanted to know if she really did set Enzo and his boyfriend regardless of knowing that I liked Enzo. We had a huge argument and she called the boyfriend and put him on speaker while I was in the

The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The second I walked in Enzo and “boyfriend” stared me down as he started to get all over Enzo to make me jealous. At this point I did not care. I was past livid, they meant nothing to me. I finally expressed openness with Enzo and told him, “That the hardest part isn’t being here with these people who I should be furious with, especially you. The hardest part is that despite it all, I still love you. I don’t want to do this anymore. If you want to be with your sexually anorexic “boyfriend” who can’t even tell that you’re dying to kiss him or knows the difference between you giving him a high five from holding your hand, so be it; but we can’t be friends. I’m tired of always having to hold back and suppress my feelings because your bubble gum bitch is too damn insecure. I’m tired of you holding me and acting like we have something special when we both know I mean nothing to you. I’m tired of feeling like I need a miracle to bring us back together as friends. You know I’m not spiritual, but when I’m with you, it’s nothing but pure bliss, I think you’re a saint, an angel, you’re my little taste of heaven. You’d give me something to think and talk about when I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, but now you’re just shit in my head. I don’t deserve this; I’m not going to put up with this nonsense. I have my whole life