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Midlife crisis in adulthood
Midlife crisis in adulthood
Midlife crisis in adulthood
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While reading “The Kugelmass Episode,” I realized the emotional distress that someone can be put through after being a part of an affair. I also came to the realization Sidney’s affair might have been caused by a midlife crisis. A midlife crisis can cause several different changes in people’s normal life style, an affair being one of them. An affair is a relationship between two people without the other spouse knowing. Usually complications with the marriage will be the first thing considered when an affair is occurring. Not only does this create problems with the marriage as a whole, but also with each spouse individually. Although affairs do happen often, they could be avoided with noticing the signs of a midlife crisis early on. Married …show more content…
It is important to understand that marriages can have many different complications that lead to an affair. A few reasons can be the feeling of unimportance, unhappiness, and maybe just craving something new. For example, Sidney, from “The Kuglemass Episode” said, “I need to have an affair. I may not look the part, but I’m a man who needs romance. I need softness, I need flirtation….” (Allen). He mentions in the beginning of the story that his wife had let herself go and he didn’t realize this is how their marriage would turn out. This provides an example that Sidney was getting tired of his relationship and he wanted something new. After a partner has an affair it can actually cause even more problems in the relationship. Once the affair happens the marriage can continue going down hill by the other spouse becoming sneaky and having a guilty conscience. By the marriage getting worse, it makes them want to be with their mistress/mister even more. In the story “The Kugelmass Episode” Sidney cannot wait to …show more content…
One of the smartest things a couple can do is to recognize that their relationship could end at any time. With this in mind, everyone should always remember to appreciate his or her partner. “To help change your perspective, try asking yourself each morning: "Why do I value my spouse, and what one thing can I do today to show him?"”(“10 Ways to Prevent an Affair."). This can help show your spouse your still interested and that you care how they feel. Another way to prevent an affair from happening could be good communication, most people will go through a midlife crisis in their mid 30s and late 40s. If people communicate the warning signs of a midlife crisis with their spouse it could very easily prevent an affair from happening. A major sign of a midlife crisis would be wanting something new and exciting in their love life, if people communicate that, they could change their regular routine together and start doing new exciting things. Regardless, a midlife crisis is no excuse to have an affair. Studies show if a person makes their marriage their number one priority, they will be able to prevent an affair from
A typically assumed reason for having an affair is that the person's spouse is, in some way, unsatisfactory. Perhaps by their affair, they are searching for a better source of love. This, however, was not a justifiable cause for Edna's adultery. Mr. Pontellier was a loving husband who tried to show his love for Edna in all of the ways he was able. Léonce showered his wife with valuable gifts. His life revolved around money, and he knew no other way to show his wife how much he loved her. He attempted to compensate Mrs. Pontellier materialistically for the lack of emotional support. While this may not be an ideal solution to the problem, it cannot be denied that Mr. Pontellier was trying to diminish the problems between them. Yet, even though it is understandable that she is upset that her husband lacks family skills, getting married was solely Edna's fault. The history of their relationship is far from perfect. Chopin states "her marriage to Léonce Pontellier was purely an accident... He fell in love...and pressed his suit with an earnestness and an ardor which left nothing to be desired. He pleased her; his absolute devotion flattered her" (18). Edna was not fair to him when she married him without loving him. She "grew fond of her husband" (18), but fondness is not a good reason for marriage.
In short story “The Cheater’s Guide to Love,” written by Junot Diaz, we observe infidelity and the negative effects it has on relationships. Anyone who cheats will eventually get caught and will have to deal with the consequences. People tend to overlook the fact that most relationships are unlikely to survive after infidelity. Trust becomes an issue after someone has been unfaithful. Yunior, the main character in this story, encounters conflict as he struggles to move on with his life after his fiancée discovers that he has been unfaithful. Over a six-year period, the author reveals how his unfaithfulness has an effect on his health and his relationships.
The relationship between the husband and wife seems initially to be perfect. They both show each other expressions of love. There is understanding, harmony, financial security, and good communication between them. The couple spends a lot of time together, discussing future plans, and talking about the good moments they had in the past. However, behind all of this positive interaction between the two of them is something they are both not able
Pollard, Percival. "The Unlikely Awakening of a Married Woman." Chopin, Kate. The Awakening. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 1994. 179-181.
No one expects to divorce when they get married but nearly half of all marriages will end in divorce or separation. Divorce can be costly, with court fees and attorneys. Dr. Doherty, noted marriage scholar and therapist has determined a list of risk factors that are attributed to marital problems and divorce. The first three: Young age, less education and less income are coincidently other topics brushed upon in this paper. Impulsive decisions made by younger people to marry leads to children which leads to financial instability. Once a couple has children, they are unlikely to further their education because of lack of time. Divorce also has a negative effect on
A man has been married to his wife for seven years. The couple has two beautiful children, a fabulous home, and appear to have the perfect marriage. After the husband leaves work one afternoon, he decides to stop in at the local bar. The man sits at a table in the corner of the room. Not long after his arrival, a woman approaches him. She asks the man if she can join him at his table. The two seem to have quite a bit in common and enjoy each other’s company. The woman asks if he would like to go back to her apartment. He has not had a fight with his wife today. In fact, she surprised him with a love note in his briefcase. Their sex life is enjoyable, frequent, and without complaint. The couple is not currently having financial problems. Despite this, why did the man decide to leave with a stranger and cheat on his wife? A great deal of research has been carried out on the topic of infidelity. Marital therapists have reported that more than half of the couples they counsel are in therapy as a result of infidelity (Atkins, Jacobson citation). Therapists also consider an extramarital affair as, “one of the most damaging relationship events and one of the most difficult problems to treat in couples therapy” (whisman predicting sexual infidelity…). Some therapists estimate that 50% to 65% of couples seek help after an incident of infidelity in their relationship (Atkins, Jacobson & Baucom). Identifying the reasons for this problem are essential to the success of its reduction. Infidelity is not a new phenomenon. However, there was little research on the topic until the late 1970’s (Drigotas & Barta, 2001). Numerous factors have been examined while trying to determine the root cause for extramarital relationships a...
In class there have been many discussions over the relationships and marriages among the books we have read. When someone thinks of marriage, a fairy tale with a happy ending might come to mind, or possibly a safe haven for those looking for something stable. In The Awakening by Kate Chopin, and “The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Perkins Gilman, marriage takes a turn for the worse. Marriage is no longer the happy memories in a lifetime. It can be the thing that hinders the women in these stories from developing their full potential or experiencing the world and other lifestyles. Through these texts and this time frame, we will analyze the meaning of their marriages, how they function, and the end result of both.
“The Storm” by Kate Chopin illustrates an affair between old lovers, Calixta and Alcée. “For my Lover, Returning to His Wife” by Anne Sexton, the narrator describes that the man she is having an affair with will never leave his wife for her. “Adultery” by James Dickey proves that at times an affair is nothing more than just an affair. Throughout all three texts, you begin to read the different attitudes towards sexual and marital fidelity and the different reactions the individuals have to their affairs. Although, infidelity is viewed as a terrible thing, some people have reasons for the actions.
Clinton and Sibcy (2006) point to a recurring pattern within a marriage suffering from disconnect, and that is the pattern of pursuing and withdrawing. When a couple is in a cycle of hurt, one spouse will react to the disconnect or drift by pursuing the other partner. The pursued partner reacts by withdrawing. This pattern continues the hurt, causes the cyclical pattern of one partner pursuing and the other partner withdrawing. Neither spouse can connect with the other and each struggle with understanding where the other is coming from. As the drift progresses in the marriage, Balswick and Balswick (2014) note that “over a period of time, the wife’s verbal expression of love will diminish. Many a wife begins marriage with expansive declarations of love for her husband, but without reciprocal expression, she will express her feelings less frequently.” (p.
In the case of Virginia and Tom the main issue underlying marital crisis that was caused by dishonoring of vows. The case outline that Virginia has discovered that her husband Tom has been having not one, but several affairs throughout the course of their marriage. According to Tom he believes that his numerous affairs did not get in the way with his wife because these acts were not meaningful. Tom thinks that his wife should not dwell in the past because he loves her and he does not want his marriage to come to an end. Tom also, explains that he was not in a committed relationship with the women he come in contact with it was only for sex. Virginia is willing to forgive her husband, but she finds it to be difficult to continue living with him because she is aware of his extra marital affairs in the past. Virginia major concern is that her husband provides no reassurance and tries to use his action as a defensive mechanism.
Infidelity is depicted as an extremely negative thing in the United States, and is often blamed for trust issues, psychologically damaging the spouse and their children, tearing apart marriages and families and more. People who commit adultery are often shamed and told how wrong what they did is and what a terrible person they are for doing it. According to the Journal of Martial and Family by the Associated Press, however, 41% of “marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional.” Clearly, while infidelity is generally viewed negative by society, many people either decide that it is not as negative as it is portrayed, or do not care and do it anyway. “The Lady with the Pet Dog” and “The Storm” both go against the typical view of adultery being a negative thing in a relationship by showing that it can actually have a beneficial outcome and leave some, if not all people happier.
Wallerstein, J. S., & Lewis, J. M. (2004). The unexpected legacy of divorce: Report of a 25-year study. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 21(3), 353-370.
Marriage is a very joyful event in a person’s life. However, unless much can be done in order to redefine the status of what marriage is all about, divorce and other marital problems will continue to arise tremendously. Divorce is tumultuous event in a married couple’s life. It does not only affect the financial status of the household, but rather it also affects the people that comprises the family especially the children. Families are experiencing many problems today, but the role of divorce in this picture has been frequently overlooked because its destructive effects have been subtle, yet insidious. When the divorce rate increased in the 1960s, few would have predicted its dire consequences three decades later. Yet divorce has changed both the structure and the impact of the family. Intimacy, time, effort trust and love is the key to have a peaceful and healthy relationship. Marriage for life is God's ideal, but divorce is a reality in our society.
There was a time when more smart-conscious decisions were made relating to sexual relationships. In particular, sexual relationships within a marriage. However, times have changed. The pillars that hold up our individual sexual values have started to crumble. It is estimated that two out of three marriages fail due to infidelity. This is a scary statistic considering that people believe a marriage can survive infidelity. This brings us to our first myth: Everyone has affairs.
Schlessinger, L. (2007). The proper care & feeding of marriage. New York, NY: Harper Collins Publishers.