The Leg Monologue

“What's that on your leg?” she squeals. I wonder what could be wrong and look down in surprise. There is nothing abnormal. Nothing to cause alarm. “Where?” I ask, clearly confused by her panic. “The red bits at the back of your knee, right there!” she exclaims, hovering her hand over my leg as if one touch will infect her, pass on a disease. Oh. That. I sigh, mentally preparing myself for the explanation that must follow. How could I, once again, be so ignorant as to forget that what is so frightening and yet so familiar to me is also frightening yet unfamiliar to others? How could I, once again, be surprised to see the horror and disgust on someone's face as they look at the cuts that enclose my body.

I

I initially think that this is the one. This is the cream that will fix my skin. The cream that will get rid of the cuts all over my body, banish them to never return. It does work for a while. Mabey a couple of weeks. But then the magic stops working and the marks

Swimming costumes. Shorts. Tank tops. All too exposing. They let everyone see the parts of my body that I am able to keep safely hidden for the rest of the year. During heat waves, I am repeatedly asked why I am wearing long tops and leggings while the rest of the world struts about happily, with smooth, tanned skin. I don't really know what to say, and normally just end up mumbling, or pretending not to hear the questions. Yet they are everywhere. The questions come unexpectedly, popping up everywhere, just as the cuts keep appearing at the most inconvenient of times. Right before that dance competition where I am wearing a short sleeved t-shirt. Right before my birthday, that swimming party, the holiday abroad. My body seems to know exactly when the cuts will humiliate me most, and send them at precisely the right moment. They are never late.

When I was little, my parents tried everything they could to fix my skin. They tried tying gloves on to my hands before I went to bed. I hated it. I fought against it every time, knowing why this had to be done, but hating it all the same. My parents have been amazing. They have never stopped trying to find new ways to solve my dilemma. I am so glad that they have made sure I was always using creams, even when I didn't want to. They have kept my condition from getting a lot