The Homosexual Family System In The Kids Are All Right

In the movie “The Kids Are All Right”, the homosexual family system of Nic and Jules Allgood is being challenged by the transitions of their children- Joni and Laser, and the sudden life involvement of the children’s biological father- Paul Hatfield. In class, we define family as a social unit in which the adult partners and the children share economic, social, and emotional rights and responsibilities as well as a sense of commitment or identification with each other. Although the Allgood family is not related biologically, they are a family legally and emotionally. The family is an interdependent system with mutual shaping and causality, and within the family system, there are multiple subsystems: parent-child system, martial system, and sibling system, etc. When there is a transition happening in a family member, the whole family system will also be affected.

In the reading “Families and Individual Development: Provocations from the Field of Family Therapy”, Patricia Minuchin noticed that “in all families, the boundaries and rules of interaction must change their characteristics over time as a function of development or external factors”.

If the changes are not made for the subsystems, there will be increased frictions and tension within the family system. When Nic is not responding flexibly to the changing needs of her kids- Joni and Laser for more privacy and respect, the kids are not acting to her expectation and become the scapegoats for the blame of not following her rules. It makes them both upset, and the kids might perceive her as not understanding which worsen their relationship. Paul suggested her to ease up on the restrictions and there could be fewer conflicts, which is also an advice suggested in the reading. Minchin noticed that “clarifying the implicit rules of interaction and establishing boundaries that reflect development realities and subsystem functions” are important to maintain a sound and supportive family

system.
The different parenting styles between Nic and Jules could also cause conflicts. Characterized with authoritarian parenting, Nic is more controlling and power-assertive. And Jules’s parenting style is more authoritative which the relationship is reciprocal, responsive, and encourages bidirectional communication. When Laser asks a question of why they watch the gay man porn, Nic tells him not to hang out with Clay and Jules directly provides the answer to his question. When the family discovered the affairs, Jules sensitively senses their emotions, directly addresses their concerns and actively seek a bidirectional conversation.
I perceived a change of my parents’ parenting style as I aged. When I was younger, my parents are demanding and unsupportive. They expected much of me to be the good role model for my younger brother and forced me to attend different extracurricular activities that I do not like. I was asked to follow their rules and will be punished if I failed to. As I aged, they both decrease their demands and become more supportive. They encourage me to do whatever I wanted and show supportiveness. However, it was very different for my younger brother. My parents are stricter to him than they did to me when I was young, which I think is influenced by the cultures that male need to be successful in my country. My brother has more support than I did because my parents ask me to help him with the schoolwork and talk about the problems he has. The family system is evolving with the developmental process of the children and needs to rework for the changing needs, in order to have a happy and supportive family.