The Dinner By Herman Koch: Parental Figure

A parental figure has the ability to create a significant impact on the way their child will act in certain situations and where their child will end up in life. A parent's responsibility is to be a positive example and make sure the child has everything needed to live a healthy life. In The Dinner by Herman Koch, Paul does not necessarily make the most responsible choices for the betterment of himself as a father and his son Michel. Paul has showed his level of responsibility by allowing his son to witness him do violent things, visibly using various coping mechanisms to deal with certain situation, and his choosing to have a child with Claire despite her sociopathic tendencies.

Throughout the novel, Paul has a tendency to let his emotions

get the best of him. Most of the time, this results with him using some sort of violence as an attempt to control the situation. The first example of Paul using violence in The Dinner is when Paul is talking with a shopkeep after Michel accidently kicked a soccer ball through his window. The shopkeeper begins to raise his voice so Paul grabs a nearby bicycle pump and threatens the shopkeeper by saying “I’d stay where I am if I were you. The only thing that’s been damaged so far is a window.” (137). This is the reader's first true glimpse of what Paul is capable of. Another example of this violent, immature side of paul is when his brother visits while Paul's wife is in the hospital and offers to take care of Michel for awhile. This hits an emotional button within Paul, activating his fight or flight response. As Paul is thinking about this offer, he burns his mac-n-cheese. This pushes him over the edge and he swings the pan at his brother, “the pan hit him square in the face.” Then once again Paul “hits him a second time, Splattering blood across the white tiles on the kitchen wall” (214). Right as he is about to swing a third time, he notices little Michel standing in the doorway, watching what was going on. Talk about a good role model! Last of all, and perhaps the worst example of Paul's responsibility, is when Paul is called in to talk with Michels principle about a report michel had written. Paul had known about this report and had helped Michel write it. As Paul enters a heated conversation with the principle, the principle starts to question Paul about where he used to teach and how he was on leave. This is the snapping point as paul punches the principle in the face then goes around the desk and starts beating the ever-living daylights out of the principle. Eventually the principle gets to his window and yells for help. It just so happens that Michel is in the courtyard where the window opens up to and sees his dad torturing his principle. Paul resorts to violence in uncontrollable situations, mostly near michel. Witnessing these vicious retorts from his father has a hefty impact on the way Michel has been raised.
Paul uses various coping mechanisms throughout The Dinner.

These coping mechanisms directly affect the way he raises Michel. Most of the time, these coping mechanisms help Paul stray away from difficult situations in his life. This reflects directly on Michel, for Paul engages these coping mechanisms while raising his son. For example, when Paul is home alone with Michel, he keeps mentioning to Michel they are going to clean his room, but “due to the comforting fact that there was plenty of time to clean up later on, it hadn’t happened” (205). This is an example of the way Paul instantly represses any somewhat difficult thought. This is very irresponsible of him to do in front of his son, as later in the novel when Paul is asking Michel if he wants to visit his mother Claire in the hospital, Michel “acted as though he hadn’t heard” him. (198) Disassociating with the fact that his mom is in the hospital, Paul's overt coping mechanisms are rubbing off on his son. Another strong example of Paul's influence on Michel is when the father and son are talking about something terrible that Michel did. Paul says directly to Michel; “You know what the best thing would be? To just forget it for the time being. As long as nothing happens, nothing is happening.” (142) Here Paul is projecting his coping mechanism of repression onto his son. All in all, Paul's usage of coping mechanisms affect the way Michel is

raised.
In The Dinner, the fact that Paul decided to have a child with claire, despite her sociopathic tendencies, is a controlling factor in how responsable of a parent he is.

He ruled out that Claire would be a great mother, therefore they had a child. For example, during the actual dinner in the novel, Claire asks her sister-in-law multiple times “what time it is” and that she “needs to check in with Michel.” (245) Claire then proceeds to make a fake call; creating an alibi for Michel when he is actually somewhere that he shouldn’t be. As long as her family has a perfect image, then they are a happy family. Also, Claire injures her brother-in-laws face very badly with broken glass. All because she did not want him to release the truth about her child. Paul married a women who will do whatever is necessary to make it seem like she has a normal family, including injuring his own brother. The way Claire goes about her life is a direct influence on how responsable of a parent Paul

is.
In The Dinner, by Herman Koch, Paul shows the reader his level of responsibility as a parent by making violent decisions, using various coping mechanisms, and having a child with a sociopath. He does not make the most responsible life choices for the betterment of his son. A parent’s job is to make sure their child can live a happy live. The choices an adult makes in front of their child can have a major impact on the way their child turns out in the long run. For the better, or for the worse.