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Gender differences in communication example
Gender differences in communication example
How males and females differ in communication styles
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Tannen’s (1990) book, “You Just Don’t Understand,” explains heterogeneous facts about men and women’s communication styles. Tannen says once these gender differences are sorted out, men and women can recognize and understand how to confront real conflicts, rather than fighting styles. When men and women learn to accept the opposite sex’s conversational styles, they can learn to understand a shared language—where there is symmetry and negotiation of conflicts.
It is important to recognize that these linguistic differences between men and women do not stem solely from what Tannen (1990) describes as “cross-cultural communication.”
There are very apparent differences in speaking styles; for example, women tend to offer suggestions and give reasons, whereas men tend to give demands without reasons. However, the root of communication conflicts is really the result of the opposite natures of male and female. It is the nature of men to be dominant, and it is the nature of women to be submissive; any revolt against these natures, will cause conflict amongst men and women. Tannen says, “If a man experiences life as a fight for freedom, he is naturally inclined to resist attempts to control him and determine his behavior”(p.152). Since male and female “natures” influence behavior and conversational styles, they play more of a significant role in communication than we may think; and evidence of this dates clear back to creation.
The book of Genesis clearly defines God’s purpose for creating man and woman; God said man (created in the likeness of God) is to have dominion over all the earth and every living creature. Woman (created from man) is to multiply and be a companion for man. God intended there to be orderliness, which is why He designed men and women with very specific biological and psychological differences. These differences distinguish natures and determine male and female behaviors (Genesis 1:1-24).
Men and women must not confuse “nature” with behavior; although nature influences behavior, men and women have “free-will” and must choose how they will act within these natures. Just because a man tends to be aggressive, does not mean that it is acceptable for him to punch someone’s lights out. In other words, men and women must not make “nature” the excuse for poor behavior.
The story of Adam and Eve describes the distinction between “free-will” and nature. As the story goes, Satan weakens Eve with wisdom and then tricks her into eating from the tree of life.
In her article “But What Do You Mean” Deborah Tannen, claims that there is a huge difference in the style of communicating between men and women. Tannen breaks these down into seven different categories; apologies, criticism, thank-yous, fighting, praise, complaints, and jokes. With each of these she compares men to women by explaining the common misconceptions that each of the genders do. The different style of communication can cause some problems at the workplace and even affect the environment. The different styles of communication has been around forever and almost becomes a “ritual”(299). Tannen is effective with mainly women and not men. She is primarily successful with women due to the fact that her tone targets women, also the organization
At birth, we are a blank slate, regardless of gender. We are introduced into a world that wrongly believes gender defines who we are and what we shall be. Everything we see, hear, taste, smell, and feel impacts our minds and how we react. Therefore, behaviors between the sexes are learned from our interactions with the opposite sex and how we, as individuals, see our world. In the literary piece, The Distrust between the Sexes, Karen Horney asks this question: “…What special factors in human development lead to the discrepancy between expectations and fulfillment and what causes them to be of special significance in particular cases” (Horney)?
Communications generally occur in body languages: how the individuals interpret each other. Her essay is an event that is reoccurring more and more lately. The event results in a failure in marriage. In today’s society more and more people are splitting up or having divorces due to miscommunications. The essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,” that Deborah Tannen wrote is much use of today because it explains where miscommunications happen and she has her own studies and research to back it up. The essay goes into depth about her ideologies that cause miscommunications. Look at a miscommunication twice and do not be quick to judge because it will save plenty of
Steven Pinker distinguishes the difference between talking to man and women. Pinker showed a lady that was comfortable talking to another lady and the lady became angry when her talking to a man, not women (Pinker 2007 .p112, 113). People used intricacies method to achieve their needs and emotion instead of saying what they need to say directly. (Pinker 2007 .p113) Furthermore, even in a sexual situation, people twist and turn around and turn around their words. For example, “would you like to come up and see my etching?” (Pinker 2007.p113) Moreover, people use a kind word to order something from someone else without making a demand to the receiver or using indirect speeches to avoid a problem that may happen by mistake. (Pinker, 2007
In the introduction of Deborah Tannen’s “Conversation Style: Talking on the Job”, she compares and contrasts the ways men and women communicate. This reminds me of what I tell people that are struggling in their relationships. Women and men express themselves differently. Women think, but men act. If you can’t wrap your head around this, being in a relationship with anyone is going to be hard. Yet, this is such a basic way of looking at this issue. Not only are the genders vastly different, but each person relates to the world around them in a certain way. He or she also needs to be related to in a specific way. Looking at personalities and personal histories can give a better look at the way we communicate with each other. Tannen examines
In her essay titled “It Begins at the Beginning”, professor of linguistics Deborah Tannen describes how girls’ and boys’ communication and language patterns differ from an early age. Tannen’s essay, which is adapted from her book titled You Just Don’t Understand, she states that in the world of communication boys and girls have vast differences, which makes itself apparent in the way that they play. The author backs this up with two explanations. First, is that people not only talk to boys and girls differently, but also accept different ways of talking from them. Second, children learn communication not only from their parents but also from their peers, and there are major differences in the way boys and girls play together and speak to each other.
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
In Paradise Lost, one of the differences God is aware of the betrayal his creations unlike Frankenstein. There is a point where Adam desires a companion to share the world with, thus God creates Eve from one of Adam’s ribs. He is in a predicament now, due to there are now two beings to love now, but who deserves the more affection. He “can neither love himself adequately nor love Eve as himself unless have love God adequately – and so make his love for Eve, the unity of their shared self, an expression of that higher love” (Gross 95). This scene displays one of Adam’s limitations of his free will. Thus creating her in being the submissive which eventually became her downfall, Adam’s and the rest of humanity. Eve is flawed, she has the inclination of self-love, a quality she should not be capable of possessing or acting upon. The only love that she should be expressing is her love for Adam in a way also loving God. This becomes their weakness. Satan learns about this weakness and exploits it as his advantage to enact his scheme. He influences a susceptible Eve, by coercing her into eating the fruit from the tree of knowledge. He claims to Eve about the fruit “By the fruit? It gives you life To knowledge by the threat’ner? Look on me, Me, who have touched and tasted; yet both live” (Book 9 l. 686-688). Satan is able to persuade them to consume the fruit that provides them
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of men and women. Tannen observed that, "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with" (Tannen 95).
In scripture it is seen that God’s intention was for equality “…And the man said: This one at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh! She is to be called Woman.” (Gen.2:23) Woman and Man was given a body, mind and soul. Each had a personality and capable of exercising dominion. (Gen 1: 28-29) (Genderstanding Jesus)
(week 4 reading 1). "Difference" is a non-violent approach that indicates that develops the notion that men and women communicate from and in different cultural worlds (reference ppp). Deborah Tannen is a major advocate of this position with her book You Just Don't Understand (1990). (reference week4 reading 1). Comparing conversational goals, Tannen argues that men aim to communicate factual information, whereas women are more concerned with building and maintaining cooperative, caring, emotional relationships. In addition, Cameron (kai imerominia einai to week 4 reading 1) again provides a very good example of ‘difference approach’ helping us to understand the way it entered the public view of language and gender. The example used is the book of a mass-writer, John Gray, who wrote a fictional tale about how the two sexes migrated to planet earth from the different planets of Mars and Venus and that each sex is acclimated to its own planet's society and customs, but not to those of the
All in all the actions of Eve were neither good nor evil, but instead necessary. Through her actions she brought to light the evils of the world, and as a result man is able to appreciate that which is good. Moreover one cannot blame Eve for what she did because although as we have seen God did instill upon mankind free will, he used his threats as a means of manipulating this gift. Although there were many trees in the Garden of Eden, having the tree of knowledge of good and evil forbidden created mystery for Eve, and therefore drew her to it over the tree of life. And once both Adam and Eve choose with their own free will to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil immortality is no longer an option. Now that man is knowledgeable enough to appreciate immortality, God removes it as an choice. In a way this story shows us the flaws of both man and God. Man in that he is tempted by that which is forbidden and does not always respect the orders of those in a position of authority; And God is shown to be somewhat devious and perhaps even malicious at times.
...a meaningful communication to take place. In conclusion, there are differences between men and women that go beyond social nurture. These differences have their origin in their genes. The differences evident in men and women are translated in their behavior and communication. There are possibilities of these differences in their turn raising the problem of failing to understand one another because in a communication men and women have a different set of expectations from each other. It is essential to understand and appreciate these differences for a meaningful communication to take place.
Essentially, we are all different. We use language differently and interpret language differently. This is what we base our perceptions of others on, thus it is ultimately what dictates our interaction with others. The fact that men’s and women’s interaction differs because the two sexes generally interpret things differently is not a strange phenomenon, because we are all different.
The book An Intorduction of Sociolinguistics is an outstanding introductary book in the field of sociolinguistics. It encompasses a wide range of language issues. In chapter 13, Wardhaugh provides a good insight to the relationship between language and gender. He explains gender differences of language-in-use with concise examples. Wardhaugh riases questions about sexist language and guides readers to look closer at how people use language differently because of their own gender in daily life. According to the Whorfian hypothesis, which indicates that the way people use language reflects their thoughts, different genders adapt different communication strategies.