Summary Of Who Will Light Incense When Mother's Gone By Andrew Lam

An Analysis of “Who Will Light Incense When Mother’s Gone?” by Andrew Lam

“Who Will Light Incense When Mother’s Gone” by Andrew Lam is a story from Andrews perspective about his mother lighting incense to the dead ancestors and who will do it when she is gone. In the story “Who will Light the Incense when Mother’s Gone?” by Andrew Lam, the conformity theme comes from the mother wanting her children to continue the different traditions and customs that she has kept, such as lighting incense to pray to the dead ancestors.

Despite his mother staying consistent with her traditions, Andrew Lam dealt with the struggle to continue to conform to his family traditions. He began to rebel against what he was told to do as he grew up because of his quest

for identity in America. The mother makes her fears of her children not continuing her traditions known when she asks her sister-in-law: “Who will light incense to the dead when I’m gone?” (Lam). Andrews aunt didn’t have an answer to his mothers’ question because even the aunts own children wouldn’t do it, showing that Andrew wasn’t the only one not following the traditions.

Andrew feels guilt and shame upon hearing his mother's remark.

Andrew’s mother is worried that when she dies, their Vietnamese culture will be forgotten due to the modern American culture Andrew and the rest of the family has adapted to. But Andrew just calls this “the price for living in America” because he realizes that he relates more to the American culture than he does his Vietnamese culture, which now is almost a stranger to him (Lam).

Andrew realized that when he moved to America, he started to become rebellious and distant from his traditional Vietnamese ways. He recalls in “Who Will Light the Incense When Mother’s Gone” his mother asking him to “speak more Vietnamese inside the house” in to which he refused (Lam). The rebellion has gotten to the point where Andrew no longer knows who to pray to or what he should pray for because he has “fled so far from Vietnam”. Andrew also realizes that because of his rebellion, he lives in very different world than his

mother.
His mother still believes in praying to the ancestors every morning, in which he has become so removed that he will only participate in the lighting of the incense upon his mother’s persistence but even then he feels like he is only doing it to conform to his traditional mother. Andrews mothers also struggles with the conformity of her traditions. She wanted to see him grow and prosper in America but when she was proud of Andrews accomplishments she mourned the distance that continued to grow between her and Andrew. She blamed America for giving Andrew to much freedom and made him self-centered.

The rebellion and conformity that Andrew has struggled with is all for his quest for identity in America.

The refusing to speak Vietnamese because he wanted to speak English was his way of expressing who he was. Andrew acknowledges that his life is very different because he has rebelled and explored new things. His mother is doing the same thing every morning because in her world, she lights the incense and prays to the ancestors because this is how she identifies. Andrew on the other hand would rather travel the world, write, and do public speaking to him, that’s who he is. He isn’t the little boy who would climb up the chair to light the incense

anymore.
While Andrew wishes he could conform to his mother wishes and promise her that he would take over the incense lighting tradition, but he can’t because that isn’t who he is. Yet, he believes that “if some rituals die, some others have only just begun” (Lam). Andrew has started his own traditions and rituals such as writing every morning and putting his memories into words and while they are different that his mother’s traditions, they are just as important to him.
In conclusion, we can see that the story of “Who Will Light the Incense When Mother’s Gone” by Andrew Lam is about not only tradition, but it is also a look at Andrews struggle with his identity. He rebelled against his mother’s wishes to speak Vietnamese in the house because he wanted to explore being American. Andrew also refused to conform to lighting incense and praying to the ancestors even though his mother does it religiously. This is a story about rebellion, Conformity, and the quest for our own identity.