Short Story: The Kitkat Bar

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The first thing I noticed was that you were missing a few words. In your line, “She had finished off her lunch from the cafeteria and was on her back to the break room to finish out the remainder of her break”, it should have said “way back”. Try reading over your story very slowly so that you can spot the areas where you’re missing certain words. Also check for misspellings, you spelled startled wrong the second time when you talk about Grim being startled by the KitKat bar. I feel like you should speak more on how Natalie shares Grim’s soul. If she works at the hospital why didn’t they meet a long time ago? I feel like if they share the same soul they should have crossed passed at least once at some other point in their lives. Why now, what

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