Satire Essay On Global Warming

For years, the world’s nations have been plagued by environmentalists and their inhibitive “earth friendly” policies. It is disgusting to see the great global economic powerhouses assailed by petty tree-huggers and hippies. They all ascribe to the cult of “climate change”, believing that the emissions from factories ascend to the atmosphere and trap all the sunlight that exists inside the earth’s ozone layer. They claim that chemicals like CO2 stay in the atmosphere for hundreds of years. However, all these nature activists are doing is perpetuating fears of “global warming” causing “environmental damage” its eco terrorism! They assert that the if the warm temperatures melt the ice caps, that the world will flood on a biblical scale, polar bears will go extinct, biospheres will collapse and a litany of other improbabilities.

Global warming is, at the soonest, decades away from causing irreversible climate change, and even so, temperatures will only fluctuate by 1° or 2°, so why should we worry about it now? There is plenty of time to resolve the global warming, but the pesky environmentalists won’t stop clamoring for a reform and it’s beginning to hurt businesses. In actuality, economic stagnation is by far the largest threat that faces the globe, any loss in profits would be detrimental to the Chinese or American markets so we should prioritize their needs. We absolutely can’t cave to these environmentalists, how would people drive their hummers to work?, how would China furnish every U.S. need?, how would oil companies sell their petroleum? It is not feasible to compromise on the issue of global warming, but I have devised an ingenious plan that satisfies the concerns of both environmentalists and industrialists all without having to make any energy sacrifices for revenue! Rest assured, global warming can easily be reversed and with it, climate change is avoided