As a Man You Must be a Man
Throughout thousands of years men were forced to be the tough guy in every situation. From the stories we were told at night to actually doing so in real life, men are suppose to be the ones who always act tough and do the stupidest of things. Some would say it is in their blood when they are born and others will say they are taught this due to parenting and or society itself. Many have their own thoughts upon this situation and two very different but similar pieces that portray this are the documentary The Mask You Live In and a reflection by Dave Barry “Guys vs. Men.”
The Mask You Live In starts out with a quote by George Orwell, it states “He wears a mask, and his face grows to fit it…” This statement
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says a lot for only a few words. He is stating that men keep their darkest deepest thoughts and emotions hidden from others and he lets other influences shape what he can and cannot say or do. In the documentary there is a man who tells his story about becoming a man. He said his father took him into a basement and taught him how to fight. His father also told him to stop his feelings and to stop crying “be a man.” Hearing this as a child will affect the mind and start to develop what society believes a man should be. Boys are joining gangs because they think it is “cool” and guys are suppose to be cool tough bad boys. They feel the need to be the most powerful and violent people so they can look over top of others, like they have authority over them. Those boys will end up one of three places. They can end up dead, alive and out of the gang but terrified it will come back to haunt them, or in jail. Men in prison spoke about learning to be a man and described that they needed to be tough, rich and a womanizer. Men should be violent to show that he is a true man. Men should have the most amount of money that is humanly possible to be happy. Men should have multiple intimate relationships with women to show everyone he is “the man.” Suicide is the third leading cause of death in boys. Most boys who become depressed start out by acting out and then tend to get diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. This can cause them to become even more depressed. From the ages of fifteen to nineteen boys are five times more likely to kill themselves than girls. These numbers are substantially high. This depression and then eventually suicide are a result to keeping things bottled up inside. Men feel that they don’t have anyone to talk to and help work out their feelings due to having to put a mask on. Unlike The Mask You Live In Dave Barry’s reflection “Guys vs.
Men” is meant to be humorous in a way. In the beginning of the passage he talks about never pondering the question what does it mean to be a guy. He proceeds to go into a detailed description of what he believes, therefore he was being humorous and sarcastic.
The very first thing he talks about is how guys like to be complicated for no absolute reason at all. Barry compares this to buying the best computer out on the market even if all he ever does is type up his work. Something so simple used for such a complex object. Another thing he brings up is that the fact that men just aren’t like men. Dave explains that if it weren’t for men then we most likely would not have advanced in technology or made any other advances.
The second thing he talks about is that guys do pointless things just because it was made a challenge. Dave talks about just to make some people shut up about their running records he decides to challenge them and say he can beat their record. In the first run he was only three-hundredths of a second away from beating it, as he began to run it a second time he felt his hamstring pop and he could not walk correctly for weeks. Although the guys were sympathetic the man who held the record would often call him and brag that he still had not beaten his
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record. Lastly he talks about how they do not have a well-defined moral code. Men tend to be more aggressive and stupid. He describes mens action to his dog, zippy, who tears up the trash and when Dave gets home and yells at him he gets so upset he poops on the floor. Two things he is not allowed to do. Guys do know about morals but often want to be the “bad boy.” On the contrary these two sources are similar in many ways.
In both the movie and the passage they explain how society has certain standards or expectations for men to follow or else they can no longer be men. Although they have different ways of portraying it they both have a serious tone about the way men are men. In both cases they believe that these strict guidelines should not be accounted for in life today. They also take into account that you have to do manly things to be manly, like be athletic or be big and bad. The documentary shows this with letting the men in prison talk about their experiences whereas the passage talks about the race he had. They both also talk about bragging about your success, whether it is with women, money or the top of the men statute. Guys themselves have grown to hide their feelings by showing everyone how “successful” they have become. This can cause a wide range of problems for
everyone. Society has hammered in many things into the minds of little boys as they grow up. Because of this boys will grow up to be men who will teach their boys the same things. This will be a continuous cycle until magically it is broken and people begin to learn that it is okay to be sensitive and feel things. Both The Mask You Live In and “Guys vs. Men” are show examples of what society has shaped into mankind. All in all for now, to be a man you must never let your emotions get the best of you. As a man you must never show any weaknesses. As a man you must be a man.
Overall instead of a true definition of a man, kids and even adults interpret it as athletic ability, sexual conquest, and economic success. The second topic Joe speaks about is the relationships that make a real man. In the book it states “the number one complaint I hear from most wives is ‘My husband has no relationships with other men.’ In other words, most
In the essay, “The High Cost of Manliness,” writer Robert Jensen discusses the harmful effects of having male specific characteristics, such as masculinity. Jensen realizes that men’s actions and ways of living are judged based upon the characteristic of being manly. He argues that there is no valid reason to have characteristics associated with being male. Society has created the notion that masculinity is the characteristic that defines males as males.
It would seem that the words “guys” and “men” would be defined in the same way, as they are thrown around in conversation in generally the same way. In fact, Google defines guy as “a man.” Writer, Dave Barry, puts a spin on these two words in his essay, Guys vs. Men. Guys vs. Men discusses the difference between a man--a masculine, aggressive male--versus a guy. Barry is essentially giving the term “men” all of the negative characteristics associated with males, while giving “guys” the cool and fun traits of males. Throughout his essay, Barry explains how a “guy” is different from a “man”. For example, for each subtitle he gives an anecdote about what guys like, do, or have, and how that is different from what men like, do, or have. Barry’s use of humor influences the tone of the piece by making it seem lighthearted and thus allows him to target women readers as his key audience while at the same time maintaining the interest of men readers.
For example the book in chapter 8 offers a con by talking about lack of relationships, and if guys are in relationships, they put in little effort. Guyland implies guys have as much sex as possible and watching porn reassures masculinity. I believe that’s not totally true, everyone is different and has unique way of approaching relationships. “Timid guys sometimes have a tendency to give older; more so called “popular” guys the power to define themselves, thus making their role in society greater” says Austin (pseudonym). Positively, Michael Kimmel offers a view into the minds of America 's sons, brothers, and boyfriends, and works toward redefining what it means to be a man today and tomorrow. Only by understanding this world and this life stage can we enable young men to chart their own paths, to stay true to themselves, and to travel safely through Guyland, emerging as responsible and fully formed men of integrity and
As young men grow up, they would generally learn and integrate within a box of codes which shows them how to be a man, known as the Guy Code. The Guy Code is a set of rules prevalently applied among men groups about how a man behaves with other men and his girlfriend. It mainly teaches guys to be dominant, aggressive and fearless. In Michael Kimmel’s “ Bros Before Hos: The Guy Code”, he indicates that men disguise their emotions and inner beings to be like a man, particularly among their peers. It imposes a consciousness that timidity is not a characteristic that men should have.
Over time, the image of men has changed. This is due mostly to the relaxation of rigid stereotypical roles of the two genders. In different pieces of literature, however, men have been presented as the traditional dominate figure, the provider and rule maker or non-traditional figure that is almost useless and unimportant unless needed for sexual intercourse. This dramatic difference can either perpetuate the already existing stereotype or challenge it. Regardless of the differences, both seem to put men into a negative connotation.
In the text, The High Cost of Manliness, writer Robert Jensen discusses the harmful effects of having male specific characteristics such as masculinity. It has come to his attention that men’s actions and ways of living are judged based upon the characteristic of being manly. Jenson argues that there is no valid reasoning to have characteristics associated with males. Society has created the notion that masculinity is the characteristic that defines males as males.
He quoted social psychologist Robert Brannon’s four rules of masculinity to explain how he came to create his own “Guy Code.” Barry, on the other hand, used his own life as evidence. He wrote anecdotes about his computer and about a dumb running challenge. He also used an analogy towards the end of his introduction. To explain how men deal with morals, he told a story about his dog digging through the garbage.
Manhood had not always existed; it was created through culture. Depending on the era, masculinity claimed a different meaning. But in all of its wandering definitions, it consistently contains opposition to a set of “others,” meaning racial and sexual minorities. (pp.45) One of the first definitions was the Marketplace Man, where capitalism revolved around his success in power, wealth, and status. A man devoted himself to his work and family came second. Although this is one of the first standing definitions, it still finds its spot in today’s definition, where masculinity consists of having a high paying job, an attractive young wife, and
Boys think that they must put on a persona that they are tough and no one can hurt them. I agree with the author that the boys are forced to hide their emotions and fears that’s why men become insensitive. Because the most important factor of how boys become tough men is how adults treat and teach them differently from girls. The boys start hearing messages that they need to be strong and tough from adults since they are just babies. I think this is the main problem that causes men to be insensitive and emotionalist. However, it is their parents, society, and everyone around them who affect the boys to become the men that they should be. If people treat boys same as how they treat the girls, I guess men will act the same way as
For centuries, the ideal masculinity has been seen as the provider, the macho man, the cowboy and the emotional rock, but new representations of manliness in the media have been challenging this idea (Watson 2015, p. 270). Within these new depictions, there lies a hierarchy where one form of masculinity is more accepted than the rest (Kluch 2015). Macho masculinity has been seen as being dominant in the hierarchy for generations, however, in recent years, there have been an influx of new representations of masculinity that disrupt traditional hierarchal ideas. The masculinity of the twenty first century includes emotions, sensitivity, discipline, and intelligence. These new aspects of the hierarchy have been introduced by movies such as Brokeback Mountain, 22 Jump Street, The
He gives little credibility to the "not all men statement, addressing that while informative on an oppositional attitude, it does not do anything to address the sometimes toxic aspect of growing up as a man. The two stories are alike in the sense that people agree men can be, and sometimes are, violent. There are certain expectations placed upon a man as he grows and strives to be masculine. However, the stories diverge on a course of action.
They do this by proving they are not weak or feminine. In fact, according to Michael Kimmel in “Men, Masculinity, and the Rape Culture”, the worst thing one can call a man is a word that is feminist based. This is why it is so important to men that they show domination and strength. But what is unknown is that biologically, men and women are very similar. In The Mask You Live In, Neuroscientist Lisa Eliot describes, “Throughout history there’s been this belief that men and women are fundamentally different creatures… Sex is a biological term. It refers to which chromosomes you have… Gender is a social construct.” Men are so afraid to be feminine yet there is little difference biologically between men and women. Masculinity and femininity are socially defined. Therefore, men and women should be able to act the same without being judged. Moreover, men do not show their true selves because of the risk of other men judging them. Dr. Caroline Heldman explains in the documentary that, “There’s a whole social system the polices them through this low level threat from other men if they’re not manly enough.” Similarly, as Michael Kimmel writes in “Men, Masculinity, and the Rape Culture”, men in groups are the most dangerous because they feel they need to prove themselves to each other. Rather than constantly proving their manliness, men need to be themselves in order to attain
When someone is thinking of a man, what do they think? Strong? Brave? That’s what most people think; in reality that is a very false image. In “Bros Before Hos: The Guy Code,” Michael Kimmel, talks about what it means to be a man and what it takes to be a man in today’s world. Men are pressured into what they “should” be. If they don’t follow certain unwritten rules, which include: not asking for directions, not giving up, not showing fear, or any signs of emotional weakness, such as tears; they are considered less than a man, a wimp. A real man must be aggressive and brave, he must defend his territory: status, family, possessions. Men blindly follow the Guy Code, they believe in order to fit in, they must comply and be part of the pack.
men are created equal:” Although this was seen by the men as a joke between husband