Relational Stages In The Film Say Anything

Relationships are like rollercoasters, one minute the ride is inching its way to the top of a steep hill, one’s stomach is filled with butterflies anxiously awaiting the peak. The next moment the ride shoots down a steep valley, arms raised, wind begins whipping through one’s hair, heart racing, breathlessly awaiting every turn, every dip. What feels like only moments later the ride jerks to a stop, it’s over. The choice then becomes is once enough? Or go for another ride? The movie, Say Anything, depicts the somewhat turbulent relationship of Lloyd and Diane, a young couple who just graduated high school and their young summer love. Together we will look at the relational stages Lloyd and Diane go through, whom they choose to self-disclose

with, and the relationship of Diane and her father.
Lloyd and Diane start out in the initiating stage when he calls her and asks her out, she returns the call and they set up a date to go the party together. After the party, they move into small talk, or experimenting, as they walk from 7-11 to Diane’s house and begin to finally get to know each other. The intensifying, gets heated up as Lloyd begins to visit Diane at her work, meets her for coffee, teaches her how to drive a stick shift, and peaks when they make love. But, Diane begins to have second thoughts and terminates the relationship with Lloyd in his car, leaving him broken hearted. As if things couldn’t get worse for Lloyd, Diane avoids him completely, and refuses to answer his phone calls. Following the discovery of her dad’s relational transgression, Diane initiates contact with Lloyd again, whereby they skip the experimenting and intensifying stages, moving straight into integration and move to England together. During this film, we never saw Lloyd and Diane experience bonding, differentiating, circumscribing, or stagnating. We did however see Diane and Lloyd relate to other people in the film in various different ways.

Lloyd chose to self-disclose Cory and D.C throughout the movie, because leaned on them emotional and informational support.

They seemed to be the only close friends that he had in the film, and he valued their opinion. For example, when Lloyd first wrote the letter to Diane, he not only shared that he wrote the letter to Diane, he allowed them both to read it prior to him mailing it. Diane, on the other hand, disclosed to her father, she stated, “If I didn’t it would be as if it didn’t happen.” Her reasons for disclosure were also emotional and informational support. Her father was the closest person to her at that point in her life. The movie did not show her interacting with any girlfriends or friends at all for that matter. They were living separately, in their own little world. She relied on him and his opinion to guide her in the right direction. For example, when Diane returned home spending the night with Lloyd for the first time she found her father waiting up for her and he was upset because she had failed to call him at her normal designated time. She decided to tell him the truth about where she had been and what she had been doing. Her self-disclosure was intentional, honest, and brave. She had trust in the relationship with her father and believed that it could handle this amount of

disclosure.
In the beginning of the film, I was under the impression that Diane and her father a healthy relationship. For example, when Diane called him from the party to check in I thought that was good commination on her part. She was informing her father that she was okay and letting him know of her plans to be home before dawn and that she was all right. When she came the next day and he was up, their interaction seemed indicative of healthy communication, open and honest. Later on, when he invited Lloyd to dinner, and Lloyd announced that he no plans for a future, I thought her father handled that situation much better than many fathers would. Her father seemed to show a lot of love and care for her and his interactions seemed to indicate that her well being was at the for front of his mind. According to the book, I would categorize his transgression as self-serving dishonesty and failure to honor important obligations. Although her father said that he was doing everything for her and her future, which in part I do believe that to be true, he also was doing it for himself. He was doing it to for the sheer greed and for the money. Because he was spending the money on frivolous things, for example a $9,000 juke box. It was a failure to honor important obligations because it was a failure to honor his obligation to his daughter, who was supposed to be the most important person in the world to him and she looked up to him, valued their relationship, and trusted it to be honest and open. His transgression has damaged their relationship severely, permanently damaged it possibly. At the end of the movie, Diane was almost unwilling to see him in the prison. She did however, finally manage to get out of the car and give him a goodbye hug before leaving for England and tell him to write to her. That could be a good indication that there is hope of reconciliation.
Lloyd and Diane decided to take their love for another ride and if they work on their communication skills, they could have a chance at a good future together. There are always going to be twist and turns no matter where you go in life but as long as lines of communication are open, honest, and both parties are willing to work towards a common goal they have a better chance of success.