Personal Narrative: My First Funeral

This is crazy. Why am I afraid? I’m acting as if this is my first funeral. Funerals have become a given, especially with a life like mine, the deaths of my father, my uncle and not my biological mother, you would think I could be somewhat used to them by now. Now I know what you’re thinking, death is all a part of life. But the amount of death that I’ve experienced in my life would make anyone cower away from the thought. This funeral is nothing compared to those unhappy events. Yet here I am, sitting in a car on my way to Maryland, Monster in hand – The zero calories and zero sugar to be exact – to what would be my fourth funeral of my young twenty-six years, going to the funeral of my birth mother. But why am I afraid? Could it be because

Getting out of the car and looking around, I had all of ten seconds to take it all in. Going to the funeral was the least of my worries. What the hell kind of ghetto did I just step into? I questioned to myself as we walked down the sidewalk, passing the lady currently dying on the pavement. It was then that I decided that I definitely should not be here right now. Seriously, I looked way too cute in this outfit to be walking around the hood. Wait, I thought as she walked up to the gate of the funeral home, the current scene of this random lady’s death, did she really think that I was about to ask the paramedics to move so we could step over this dying lady to get into this funeral home? Okay, she was seriously insane. “The door is locked” Kristina said as she came back down the stairs. “This was the address that my aunt gave me when she called last night” I said with an expression of exasperation. “I’ll message my cousin Roxanne and check with her” I said as we got back into the car and I texted my

So realistically, my nails are much more invigorating to my right now. This might make me seem heartless, but how do you have a heart for someone that didn’t have a heart for you and not just that, didn’t truly care about you, your feelings or your happiness. Yeah, she has passed about and it is a very sad day for most of these people here, like my cousins Shanice and Sharonda, sitting behind me bawling their eyes out, but I can justly say that I did not know her, have never had a meaningful conversation with her, I was not present for the numerous videos of her cracking jokes or have been helped with life in any way, by her, so what exactly am I supposed to feel except what I am feeling at this exact moment? Anything else would be just a lie to