Personal Narrative: My Crush

It’s been a long time since I last wrote a letter for Douglas. He was really a special crush. My crush when I first set foot in Mindanao, from high school through early college years. For treasuring him that long, it was inevitable for a special place in my heart to be created for him. I remembered putting initials of letter “D” to some of my things just to show how much I claim him to be part of my life already. I remember how ecstatic I am every time I see him come home, we were neighbors before. And as I always say, our house were very close—only a row of plants separating both, its impossible we won’t get closer too. He was the most handsome man in my world and my exclusive crush for four years. But of course, when I went to college there were other handsome men (and they were really gorgeous) so Douglas no longer held an elite spot. It was shared but he was still the original crush and counting. That’s about another eight years. Now I am in late 20’s and the special spot hidden somewhere in my heart started crying out months ago. And for all the busyness I have, it’s only now I am able to listen well to its weeping. Its crying because it knows it has to go and give up the spot to that special place in my heart where God is tidying and preparing for what we fondly call “God’s will”. See, God made something happen that now forces me to eradicate the spot. Douglas got married last 2005 to a girl from Manila. God allowed it to happen even if He knows that Douglas would surely cry if he knew how much I have treasured him in my heart for more than a decade! I can’t help but think of “shit” when I think of how much I wasted this special spot, special place in my heart crap. I wince every time I accidentally think of the fact that he is married without even acknowledging just an hour of my decade long devotion. I can’t help but think of how much less that girl deserves Douglas because I was the one waiting and that girl was not even looking out their window to check if Douglas has come home from campus every weekend.