Personal Narrative: How I Found Strength Through An Emotional Breakdown

How I Found Strength Through an Emotional Breakdown
Usually, unless it pertains to school or church, I am reluctant to recall most of my childhood
and teenage experiences. This is because the vast majority of those experiences surround memories
of both physical and sexual abuse that left me emotionally scarred. I learned to deal with this
trauma by not actually working through it at all, but rather disregarding the emotions that onset. I
channeled all of my energy and strength into focusing on school and church, two of the only
positive notions in my life. I went on to attend college and made the honors list for many semesters,
but suddenly I began to feel as if my life was in turmoil and I was losing control of it. I didn’t
understand this,

I was doing great in school and my studies were focused, but emotionally I was
detaching from the world. Ultimately, I was unable to sustain my educational pathways and
withdrew from courses in order to work through things and put the pieces of my life back together.
I went through an emotional breakdown from a lifetime of suppressed feelings which, though
troubling at the time, changed my overall outlook on life, taught me to address my emotions in a
different manner, and challenged my faith in Christ.
I didn’t always perceive life to be happy, I used to think it was normal to be broken; that
was all I ever knew. Pain and suffering were my way of life and I lived with it by focusing on
everything but my emotions, like education and church. Prior to experiencing an emotional
breakdown in college, I didn’t understand my drive for education and why it was so important to
me.My experiences initially didn’t transform the way I lived because I didn’t allow myself to feel
the emotions they caused. However, when I came to realize how not working through the emotions
from past experiences simply left me damaged and unable to understand my life, I began to analyze
things in a different way. When I allowed myself to feel the anger I had for my offenders, I was
able to understand the causes of the pain and work through it. In working through my emotions I

EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN
learned the importance of forgiveness and the peace that God provides a person’s heart and soul
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when forgiveness is achieved. I now understand that being broken is not normal, that pain and
suffering is only a part of life and not what should make up our lives and our choices. I am now
deciding to continue my education more compassionate and not because I need to do so to feel
normal or hide from the truth but because I yearn to challenge myself to be the best person I can
and to offer more to others.
I feel as if I can now be more effective at pursuing my educational aspirations because I
have learned to deal with the emotions we face in life with a positive and nurturing approach. I am
certain that things will go different for me the next time I am faced with a troubling aspect of life,
as I have gained some wisdom from my experience. I will now face the troubles of life head on.
First, I will choose to face them with the faith that the Lord is going to bring me to better days .
Additionally, I will apply the understanding that there is a greater purpose behind the things I am
facing. Finally, I will be assured that working through my feelings will help me to gain a stronger
grip on life as well as a better understanding of self. In attending college today, the determination
I have is derived from a source of self-assurance and the goals I pray to achieve are more apparent
and truly personal. The knowledge that I have gained from my experience will help me to deal
with my feeling positively and prevent me from having another emotional breakdown which could
keep me from my being effective in my studies.
The experience of almost loosing myself emotionally wasn’t easy, and it certainly
challenged my faith in God. I began to wonder how a God of love could allow so much pain. In
challenging his presence in my life I stopped attending church, stopped nurturing my soul with his
teachings, and lost touch with my community. I realized my faith in God was not as strong as I
had believed.

I was at my lowest seeking strength and purpose. I accepted God back into my life,

EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN
and decided to follow his word for the rest of my days. God showed me that I should always have
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faith in him and for every storm I have overcome in life his blessings have followed. I constantly
remind myself of the scripture Matthew 19:26, “With men this is possible; but with God all things
are possible.” I can testify to this more and more as my life continues in absence of the pain I once
lived with and because I am growing more fulfilled through God every day. I know that my faith
in God was not as strong as I had thought and now he reassures me through all my worries, pain,
and anxieties; his words comfort my soul. This is the understanding that I will have throughout my
coursework at Colorado Christian University, and this is the basis of the faith I hope to grow more
on.
Although experiencing an emotional breakdown, at what I felt was an important time in
my life, forced me to drop everything I was working towards I ultimately reached a needed
epiphany. I learned that life is full of ups and downs and doesn’t have to surround negative aspects,
like pain; which gave me a stronger understanding of life. Furthermore, I can effectively deal

with
my emotions through faith in God, seeking the greater purpose behind what is before me, and
through assurance that I can find understanding. Lastly, my faith in God has been tested and is
now stronger than before. With everything I have working in my favor I feel certain that I can
succeed in my studies and fulfill my goals, including pursuing a degree at CCU.