Personal Narrative: Grace

Growing up, the word “father” was a correlation to the man I knew in my life. I knew I came from somewhere, yet I could not put my finger on why things were not like how they were on TV. A white picket fence, a mother and father in this average sized house, but that was far from my reality. I lived a life that was filled with joy, yet, there was always an empty part that I was constantly searching for. My parents were high school sweethearts and soon after they met I was born. My parents had a debate on what my name should be. My mother wanted my name to be Elizabeth, and my father wanted my name to be Grace. When my mother gave birth, they both agreed on Elizabeth Grace.
My mother influenced me to become the woman I am today. No matter what

obstacles she faced, she never made excuses and became the strongest women I knew. My superwoman of a mother raised my brother and I, and contributed to my success in high school. I’ve always wondered why my father wasn’t there as often as my mother. This took me a long time to realize why my parents’ relationship wouldn’t work. My father physically abused my mother, and witnessing this abuse took a toll on my father and I. I was too young to understand, but as I grew older, all of the love I had for my father turned into resentment and hate. This became easy for me to hold a grudge because I didn’t see him as frequently as I used to. My mother, being the main caretaker, alleviated the pain and hurt when my dad disappeared once again.
As time went on, I grew older and began to realize that holding all of this anger and resentment would never be beneficial. I began to understand that people make mistakes, and no one is perfect. I accepted my father back into my life, and he has been in my life ever since. Although he was there physically, emotionally he was not present. There was a significant disconnect, and it felt like the relationship was forced. By this time, I was already a teenager and I was old enough to have my own opinion and make my own decisions. I did not have to go on supervised visits, and I only spoke to him when I felt necessary. I was longing for this relationship between my father and I to work, but it was only present for a few short months, and when things became rough he would then again, disappear. This became a constant recurrence.
After many years of this hurt, I continued to let him into my life and I still believe that there was a light at the end of the tunnel for our relationship. Yet, time after time, he continues to let me down. At that time, I stopped expecting and started to understand his inconsistent actions. I began working two jobs, while continuing to be a full time student. For the reason that my mother worked very hard, I understood that she struggled all of these years trying to raise my brother and I. I wanted to show her that I am capable of succeeding on my own, and wanted to give back as much as possible.
Where am I today you may ask? I am currently achieving success on my own, and working hard to accomplish my goals and aspirations. The hard work and motivation I attain for myself lets me give back to the superwoman I call my mother. My mother has shared with me, that before she leaves this Earth she wants to know that I will be able to be independant and make a successful life for myself. The influence my mother has on me is one that I will bring with me wherever life takes me. On the other hand, the experience I have had with my father has ultimately shown me that being independent and in order to strive you need be your own motivation.