Personal Narrative: Finding A Soul Mate

The idea of finding a "soul mate" never resonated with me and the concept seemed flighty and unrealistic. For me love has always meant finding a life partner and building a satisfying relationship on mutual trust, respect and friendship, I use to think that love was a choice.

The first time I met him my heart felt as though I had met him before. There are no words that can clearly articulate the connection. It was a magnetic energy, an intuitive knowing and everything felt right. There was no matter of space or time but we had found our way to each other, there was an instant feeling of security, he fit so perfectly into my life it was as if somehow he had been there all along. He was someone that I couldn't imagine being without.

A raw feeling

so damn real that I wanted to run away for fear that it will swallow me whole because he had the ability to love me or break me. My soul mate. The person I felt like I'd known for a million years. The feeling was unsettling, destabilizing and irrational because it was a different connection than any other I'd ever experienced. A love so pure and so strong it consumed me, a perpetual state of calming assurance that everything would be okay.
When I allowed myself to settle into the wow, I saw the beauty, the rarity, and eventually the clarity. I knew it was real. There was a flow and a rhythm that seemed to be guided by something much higher. Occasionally stopping to breathe and bask in the warm salvation of love because deep down I knew this was special. This was different. This was genuine.
Timing and way are quite often terrible, we have no control over timing and sometimes less control of circumstance.

It seems that my soul mate was transient rather than permanent, now less of a soul mate and more of a soul reminder, with me temporarily to show me what I never knew existed and reminding me of things like drawing, painting and writing; the things I had forgotten I love. I suppose not all of us are meant to be with our soul mate, sometimes being in love simply isn't enough. He was the not so gentle nudge that in the end left me breathless and a little less alive but hopeful.

Letting go of him will be among the hardest things Ill ever do, letting go means ignoring someone who brings incomparable happiness. He was my best friend and partner, up until this breaking point he knew me better than anyone ever has. Letting him go means accepting defeat and the overwhelming process of starting all over again.

Forgetting is the hardest part, how do i begin to make it through a day without involving him in my life? How do I separate my life from his and continue without him? How do I accept that from this point on our lives will run parallel but will no longer collide? Where does the love that we built go if we're no longer together?

I know he's still there, he'll always be there somewhere but the absence I feel is loss, the grief I feel is comparable to death, maybe someday the love I feel will be noting more than remnants, a vague deja vu but time will never change the

fact that he existed.
Maybe someday Ill love someone else the way that I love him, it seems inconceivable now but maybe eventually Ill meet someone with the attributes that I love about him, maybe this person won't make me cry, maybe he wont leave me feeling empty.