Personal Narrative Essay: Fighting The War At Home

Title: Fighting the War at Home

Thesis: The war overseas, but there are millions of veterans still fighting the war at home.

Personal Story:

Even though I’ve been home from the war for over a year, I still feel like I am in full combat, fighting a war, here in my own home. Try as I may, it’s not something that is explainable and even if it was explainable, no one would understand unless they saw and experienced what I did. My mind plays tricks on me. One minute I feel sane and another minute I feel like the rug was pulled out from under me and I can’t find my footing. Is my enemy myself? Is what I am experiencing fixable? I have only heard the horror stories of those experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, am I really one of those horror stories? Why am I still running and from whom? It’s a war of shadows, one that no one seems to really understand. A war of anger and anxiety fought in my mind. Just like in the wars I fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, I don’t know who the enemy is.
Now that I am home, I am surrounded by family and friends. I have a wife and children. I see them, and hear them. They are right here in my life, just as I wished every single day while at war, but now even though I see them and hear them, I

can’t get in touch with how I feel about them. I try to bring up the past passions and emotions, the love and tenderness, the drive to be a good father and husband. But somehow, I can’t feel any of that. I don’t want them to know, so I pretend. I pretend to be who they want me to be, a good father, a loving husband, a good friend. I am only acting the part. I am in a twilight zone.
As I drive down the streets, I see flashbacks of soldiers dead on the streets, children wandering the streets, lost and crying. I can’t shake the visions of the damage that a .50 caliber round does to a person’s head. I didn’t feel anything. I felt numb. It was as if nothing had happened. No emotion at all. The images just won’t go away. I see through my family and friends as if they aren’t there. I am hoping every second that they can’t see what’s in my eyes. If they saw, they would see horror, fear and emptiness. They would see a never end pool of darkness.
Survival what was we did in war. Now survival is what I do from second to second of my life. I am frozen, but I keep moving. D oing. Working. Trying to forget. Trying to replace past memories and make new memories. I do this because it helps me forget, it helps me shut out my war. But it’s still with me. My war’s always with me. They say memories are tied to strong emotions - how do I make new memories out of no emotions? How do I erase the memories of the past that are forever etched in emotion?

Source 1:
“It’s like a million voices in my head telling me that I’m not good enough to be alive,” said C.J Grisham. “The voices told him he should be dead” (1). He thought his depression was a sign of weakness and that it was his fault and his selfishness that causes his friends to die. Iraq was a like a nightmare he could not wake up from. “It’s maddening, and I look forward to the day the voices end,” he said. C.J struggles with PTSD everyday along with 20% of other veterans that served in Iraq.

“I get extremely nervous in crowded situations and become hypersensitive to my surroundings,” Grisham wrote in a blog post. “Before entering any building, I make a quick survey of all people around me and seek out any and all exits. I sit with my back to a wall so I have a good view of people approaching me. I get startled and anxious at unexpected and loud noises. What I don’t get is violent. What I don’t do is threaten people.”
This directly portrays the guilt, shame, loss and heartache felt by a soldier, sailor, airman, or marine diagnosed with the menacing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This intense disorder is real, and inflicts its harmful hands upon the souls that fight for our freedom. It is the pain that jerks the hearts of our military veterans every single day.

Rhetorical Question: Will this war ever end?

Conclusion 1: Millions of U.S. military veterans suffer from PTSD everyday. They live in our cities, in our towns, and in our homes. It’s our job to pick up our veterans and help them through these hard times. As a nation, we sent them to war. Now we have to help them find peace at home.

Source 2:
“I was sitting in a movie theater with my girlfriend when the world suddenly went black. When I regained consciousness, I was pacing the lobby of the theater, looking at people’s hands to make sure they weren’t carrying weapons.”
Afterward, I asked my girlfriend what happened. “There was an explosion in the movie,” she said. “You got up and ran out.”

Photo Analysis:

Men are holding their arms up in the gesture of surrender. There is a machine gun pointing at them from the back of a truck. The weather is cold and gloomy with snow on the ground. One can imagine the horrific fear those men must have felt as they realize that they are prisoners of war. The service and bravery of these soldiers for their country has not ended with being prisoners, but in many ways enters them into a different battlefield of mental and physical persecution.

This photo was in my great grandfather's possessions when he passed away. His
name is Louis Larkowski. We don’t know how he got this photo, but we know
know he was at the battle of the bulge. He earned a bronze star medal and a purple
heart. The writing on the back of the photo says: “Prisoners taken the first day of the battle of the bulge. Dec. 18, 1944.”

When recruited into military service for your country, the expectation that you agree to is to ultimately give your life. The men shown in the photo may be alive but they still face the possibility of death and of a lifetime of mental scarring. The high stress of fear and survival can also cause long term health issues that they may never recover from. The mentality of being a captured human being and treated with less dignity than the brave soldiers they are can also cause devastating after effects on their ability to fully recover emotionally.

Margaret Lindorff describes that because of the degree of combat exposure, veterans are at risk for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

Symptoms of PTSD that veterans experience are irritability or outbursts of anger, sleep disturbance, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and emotional distress when reminded of the trauma. Margaret’s article explains these symptoms of PTSD and how exposed veterans are to this. “Combat veterans typically report symptoms in all these areas. In addition, the effects of combat-related PTSD appear to be long lasting” (2). The health of veterans is clearly an issue, but when making the choice to be in the service you risk countless amounts of things in order to fight for the country you

love.

Conclusion:
Ultimately, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is constantly forcing its harmful symptoms upon military veterans. Without fail, PTSD is habitually overlooked by individuals that do not comprehend the severity of this emotional condition. Although there are innumerable treatments to relieve the poignant aches of PTSD, thousands of military personnel never overcome their ailment. To overlook PTSD is inhumane; it is a significant condition which affects the hearts and minds of our military. If others acknowledged the psychological pain the victims suffer, perhaps then their internal battle would become less intense.