Personal Narrative - Contemplating Death

Personal Narrative - Contemplating Death

"Then, just like that, she was gone. I couldn’t hold back the tears, and I don’t think my sunglasses hid them well. I’ve gotten used to my emotions and I only let it all out when they can’t be stifled, so you know this wasn’t a sigh-I’m-gonna-miss-her moment. The sunshine and warm breeze of Friday afternoon was frustrating; dreary, cold, typical-March days are fitting, appropriate for feeling this way, and how nice it was outside was a slap in the face. I later recalled how just a year prior I reversed the phrase A sunny day is no match for a cloudy disposition on a day like this one. I thought I was okay with everything, so what was it that hurt me? She left so easily; she never thinks about how lucky she is to still see me, not because she doesn’t deserve to, but the fact that I am still here for her to see. If she knew what I’m going to tell you…well, speculation is useless.

I died this morning on my way to school: the guy behind me tried to stop but he locked his brakes out of panic and only slowed to forty five miles per hour. Of course, this isn’t what killed me; the trauma sustained by my face hitting my steering wheel as the opposite reaction of my head whipping backwards upon impact was my demise. The road to my college is only two lanes, and often there are stoppages as a result of cars waiting to turn left, since the shoulder does not provide sufficient room to pass on the right. The only way to avoid speeding too excessively to stop in time is to pay careful attention to the car in front of you, something the gentleman following me failed to do. He was preoccupied with the midterm he was trying not to be late for, the source of the stress he had calmed with the potent co...

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... you forgot your feelings? If you didn't know they were there or that you ever had them, wouldn't your existence end?"

"I don't think it's possible to forget your feelings - you can try to ignore them, but you can't control when your emotions begin and end. And you can't 'forget' them either. Love, hate, happiness, sadness, satisfaction, disappointment...these are not ideas created by the mind, they are sensations you must deal with."

"So what, she just doesn't deal with them? She pretends they aren't there?"

"I guess so...you see that cardinal up on the top branch?"

"Yeah...?"

"If you only wanted to see the blue sky, that is all you would see. You could know that bright red bird is there right in front of you, but if you didn't want to see it, you wouldn't."

"Just like we choose to see light because that's what we want to see..."

"It's just easier that way."