In assignment 2, in the first draft not only I had unclear organization, but I also had a very weak images. For example, in the first draft of my prose, I had an image like “the train smoke streams off like a breath, engine sound chug-chug-chug of the wheels, and where the atrocious stream of the signal, vocation me into darkness.” This image was very weak compare to the other images because it was unclear what I mean by “vocation into the darkness” and also it did not fit well in the essay. In draft two, to make the stronger image I try changing it to “the train smoke streams off like a breath, engine sound chug-chug-chug of the wheels, where the terrible scream of the signal propels her into darkness.” The main reason this image is better …show more content…
In a draft two, my essay was very similar to a story, but it was a non-fictional story, not fictional. It was a story about my personal life experiences I have faced and helped me become a person that I am today. However, in a new version of my essay, to improve I tried to make my essay like a non-fictional story where everything is the truth of my personal life where I talked about moving to the United States, my father, my mother, and me becoming an independent person. For the second draft, to improve I tried to include my father and mother scene, where my mother taking care of my father after he came back from a hospital, “after coming back from school, every evening I used to watch my mother to change his dressing and putting all cottons and medicine again on his wounds.” Then after my father and mother scene, I included only my father’s death scene where I talked about how “I was so little that I could not understand the responsibilities and the problems in my life that I had to face without my father’s support.” After adding these scenes changed the structure of my essay completely. The way it was represented in a new version of a draft, it makes the audience feel there were there during that time and understand the personal story essay well of my life. The main point of the essay was how I structured it to tell “what is the truth of my personal life”. I provided my truths with different evidence by including scenes and dialogues from my life that my parents said to me during that time. For example, from my father and mother scene, “ where my mother always used to give me hope he will get well soon after seeing me cry for him.” From this scene, I was able to tell the truth to the audience how “it had taught me compassion and family devotion towards the family.” After I made these changes in the draft, I went to your office hours again to see if I’m going on
Although a personal statement is supposed to be mine, in the back of my head, I was thinking that an admission officer would look at this sheet of paper I had written and base my admission on it. Then I felt that although this was supposed to be my story, it was not really what I wanted to say because the purpose was to please someone else. At a certain point, all creativity was gone and my only goal was to have a perfect personal statement. The need to have a perfect personal statement did not allow me to write an essay that was truly me. I already had my mind set that I was going to write what I thought the reader wanted to hear instead of what I truly wanted. I decided, however, that although the two questions of “Is it good?” and “Does this suck?” Barry presents would haunt me for the rest of my life, if my personal statement was not truly me, then I was getting into schools for the wrong reasons. It was surprising how, for so long, I struggled writing this life-altering essay and when I just let it go, and started writing without worrying about perfectionism, I “…was both there and not there… and the lines made a picture and the picture made a story” (124). I was able to write an essay that mattered to me as opposed to something that was a misguided version of myself.
The literary devices used in the literary essay are description, definition, examples, narration, compare and contrast, cause and effect, classification and division. On the other hand, the short story uses narrator, setting, characterization, plot and perspective. Lastly, both the literary essay and short story convey life-learning lessons. “In Groups We Shrink” sends the message through examples and description while “The Lesson” uses narration and
The examples used in the essay are the main contributions to the message. Without examples or really without a fine overall story the text simply can't be interesting. Even a very awkward structure and complex words can make a for a good and easy read if the story can enthrall the reader. The story and the examples given are the most important variables in a personal
While a writer may have a credible thought or aim while writing an essay, the effectiveness of the inherent writing is determined by the degree in which the targeted audience is maintained throughout the essay. As such, a disconnection in the flow of ideas may confuse the reader consequently making it impossible, to some extent, in orienting the audience to an argument. Assignment #1 highlighted the need to focus on having a clear thesis as well as meaningful subordinate ideas in support of the central claim. In the same way, my writing was enhanced upon the discovery that logical and sequential flow of ideas persuades, directs, and sustains the audience throughout the essay. Aspects such as a transition from one idea to another were identified as necessary for introducing the reader to the various visions of the essay while being directed towards a certain claim. For instance, Assignment #1 makes use of transitional phrases and words such as "on the other hand" to introduce the reader to another division which reflects my growth as a writer. While the introduction paragraph introduced the central idea to the reader, the body paragraphs presented the supporting ideas with the conclusion stressed on the main claim and encompassing the audience with the sense of completion. The assignment,
However, when it came time to write the essay, I was confronted with my old enemy, writing. Writing and I have a history, I have never enjoyed being in the presence of writing, due to its both mentally and physically taxing requirements. Despite our deeply rooted feud, there are times where I cannot simply dismiss writing, and generally with help such as guided activities, exemplars, and therapy; Writing and I can put aside our differences for a brief moment of time. One example of this is in my argument, In the beginning sentence I feel that I was able to reach what was expected of me by created a strong counter argument and quickly proving it wrong: “Some might argue that if an individual has grown fond of an illusion, then why wake them from that joy? Now, that is a fair point, but as we see in the book, if they wake up, they realize how unhappy they truly are.” As I face more and more of these assignments where I am forced to implement writing, I grow more accustomed to the process. Writing might not be my ideal major, but I understand its importance. While I dread typing a 5 page essays, I know they are coming. Better I struggle know and learn than struggle later and
While brainstorming the process essay, I realized my weaknesses and planned better how to strengthen them. I knew simple grammatical errors and transitions were two of the most important ones I needed to correct. So while thinking of my topics to include in my essay, I thought of how each of them connected. In what ways can I draw connections between the three of these topics? Through asking myself this question, I transitioned from the paragraph of agency background to volunteer work with a more satisfying flow (“The Civic Responsibility” 2). While it took me longer to draft this essay, it ended up being worth it in the long run. I felt more accomplished of this paper and when I received feedback that required me to change minimal things; I knew it was worth
When it was Friday night, 5 friends were making their way to a haunted house. These friends were Alex, Brennen, Tommy, Gerardo, and Zeke. For some reason these kiddos thought it would be cool to make a reenactment of Paranormal Activity and bring all this equipment to hunt down ghosts and get Cheetos on the way as well. Unfortunately they didn't know where they were going they found the motel on google maps. After the Paranormal gang was prepped and had everything ready they went out to Walmart for some extra supplies. Alex was trying to persuade the group to get Cheetos, but instead they got Lays, which really ticked Alex off. Brennen and Tommy went to go get camping equipment and Zeke rolled up with a snuggie and asked for it. Gerardo, for
When you think of the typical 6 year old little girl you probably think of an energetic, fun-loving, care-free child. I was all of that and more right up to the moment that a single spot on my right knee, to the right of center on my knee cap, stopped me dead in my tracks and left me scared for my life. At around the age of 6 I was having fun with my best friend and neighbor while spending spring break at my aunts beach house down in Panama City, Florida. I can remember the moment like it was yesterday. I was standing in the living room ready to go out and swim in the pool because I loved, and still love, swimming, and also because it was night and I loved how the pool lights made the whole backyard glow. The only thing holding me back from jumping in the pool was an extreme pain in my knee accompanied with a bump that I had not noticed before.
Unfortunately, not all memorable events are pleasant. Although most people immediately think of a positive experience when asked, "What is your most memorable event?" The typical responses are happy thoughts, however; that is not the case at hand. By definition, bittersweet means both pleasant and painful; two emotions: sadness and happiness, endured at the same time. Hell with a silver lining describes it just as well, I believe.
Throughout the essay, I revised my grammar, word choice, punctuation, and sentence structure. To help my audience have clarity of the college students I was mentioning in my essay I included the time and place in the first paragraph. I cut out text and added words in the second sentence to make it clear to readers when I transitioned to students in my topic; fourth sentence because it was too wordy to understand how college students life style altered when they attended college; fifth sentence because it was imprecise how abnormal sleeping patterns was caused from sleeping; and in the last sentence I replaced a semi-colon punctuation with a word to help readers identify my thesis and clarify that it was a part of the final sentence. In the
5-7. It was the quarter finals at the Mississippi State Championships for individual singles, and I had just lost the first set.
Mid-July, after sophomore year, the updated transcripts were released. I already knew what i was going to see, exactly the same as what I received after the end of freshman year. My grade point average was not even close to where i needed it and my class rank was higher than the amount of days in a year. If I was going to achieve my dream of getting into The University of Oklahoma, I was going to have to make some major changes. So I decided right then and there that I was going to make a change, I could not let the same thing happen junior year or any shot i had at being accepted into my dream school was out the door. Summer flew by in the blink of an eye just as it always does, and I found myself getting ready for the first day of Junior
Since, I started revising my two-individual essay I had to change many things. For example, my analysis essay I rewrote the introduction and my thesis sentence. Then, I reorganized my body paragraphs and some of them I rewrote the whole-body paragraph since it didn’t make a since, or didn’t match what I was trying to wrote and in my thesis sentence. Next,
My placement essay was such a distant memory, that I did not even know what to look for and where to find the old assignment. Being so comfortable in my position of being a student at Montclair State, it seems as if I had forgotten the steps taken to be in this state. I can remember the pressure felt with dealing with the task of expressing myself in a brief essay. My struggle was explaining the person from my past and who had become at that point in my life. When thinking of my life, I thought it possessed so many experiences and character with depth that it was impossible to smash it into one essay. Yet, I was able to learn that it doesn’t matter how much you say and what you say, but it matters how you say it.
I heard the horn, and felt my legs get shot with a rush of adrenaline, and I heard, my coxswain Keith yell, “C’mon boys lets go! Catch!… Send! Catch!… Send!”. And then his voice began to fade, as I looked out at all the boats flying through the water. No wasn't I in the boat that just left, I was holding it. Helping my team on the day of the South West Rowing Championships. Though I had stopped my rowing career a little earlier because my parents told me it was time I started focusing on school, I could not and can not take my heart away from Lake Notoma. Since stopping football after freshman year, the Sac State Aquatic Center was home. After school I would immediately go there to practice, only coming home after the sun had set to do homework