Personal Narrative: A Time That Changed My Life

The time I accomplished something would have to be ever since I got a job myself, when I told my mom about the job she didn’t like the idea she wanted me to focus on school and helping her out at the house and taking care of my sisters. She wanted me to not worry and just worry about school but I see a lot of people my age working and getting money they earned by working and I got interested myself and for me it didn’t matter where I worked as long as I did.
So me and her talked and I told her if I work and keep my grades okay to the point where I’m not failing to keep the job and when I get to failing bad quit it and just focus on it all on school and she agreed. I was so happy and excited cause I finally can be busy and work and make money off of that. When I told the boss about me working he

said it was okay to not worry, I’ll be fine It felt great knowing people were so nice I was soon very excited and blessed for the amazing people who work here and help me with my job.
When I got paid I was very happy cause I could take my mom to go eat at her favorite restaurant and help her with all the bills knowing It is very difficult being a single parent with 3 girls and even help my sisters out with their homework and everything they need help on.

It feels great knowing that I’m not being selfish of myself but helping other like my mom and sister
when they need me. Knowing they can count on me is great cause I know that I feel like I can help whoever needs me.
When I continued working at my restaurant I knew my mom was proud and happy for me working at an early age at 15 it feels great knowing that your mom is proud of you for working and helping her pay for stuff, saving money in case an emergency happens, and helping her and my sisters around. I also feel like I accomplished at being an older sister they also said that they wanted to start working and they can once they turn 16 I love the feeling knowing that you are both of your two little sisters role models. Once I start accomplishing a lot of things that make me happy I would continue doing it. For example, if I read tons of book over the weekend I get so happy I go back into

reading.
Once I accomplish something I try and keep going for it if it doesn’t go the way it is suppose to go I try and keep trying

State Rubric
4
3
2
1
Ideas and Development
30 Points

The content is well suited for the audience, purpose, and mode.
The main idea or thesis is clear.
Ideas are fully developed and elaborated using details, examples, reasons, or evidence.
The writer expresses an insightful perspective towards the topic.
30

The content is adequate for the audience, purpose, and mode.
The main idea is evident but may lack clarity.
Ideas are developed using some details, examples, reasons, and/or evidence.
The writer sustains his/her perspective toward the topic throughout most of the composition. 23

The content is inconsistent with the audience, purpose, and mode.
The main idea is not focused and leaves the reader with questions and making inferences to understand the main idea.
Ideas are minimally developed with few details.
May simply be a list of ideas.
The writer has difficulty expressing his/her perspective toward the topic. 14

The content is irrelevant to the audience, purpose, and mode.
The composition lacks a central idea.
Ideas lack development or may be repetitive.
The writer has little or no perspective on the topic.
7
Organization, Unity, and Coherence
25 Points

Introduction engages the reader.
Sustained or consistent focus on the topic.
Logical and appropriate sequencing and balanced with smooth, effective transitions. Order and structure are strong and move the reader through the text. Conclusion is satisfying. 25

Evident introduction to the topic.
Adequate focus.
Adequate sequencing.
Stays on topic with little digression.
Uses limited but effective transitions.
Order and structure are present.
Conclusion is appropriate. 19

May lack a clear organizational structure.
Weak evidence of unity.
Little or limited sequencing and/or transitions.
Details may be randomly placed.
13
Lacks logical direction.
No evidence of organizational structure.
7
Word Choice
15 Points
Appropriate word choice which conveys the correct meaning and appeals to the audience in an interesting, precise, and natural way. The writing may be characterized by, but not limited to: Lively verbs, Vivid nouns,
Imaginative adjectives,
Figurative language,
Dialogue. No vague, overused, repetitive language is used (a lot, great, very, really)
Words that evoke strong images such as sensory language.
Ordinary words used in an unusual way.15
Words generally convey the intended message.
The writer uses a variety of words that are appropriate but do not necessarily energize the writing.
The writing may be characterized by :
Attempts at figurative language and dialogue, some use of lively verbs, vivid nouns, and imaginative adjectives.
Few vague, overused, and repetitive words are used.
11
Word choice lacks precision and variety or may be inappropriate to the audience and purpose.
May be simplistic and/or vague.
Relies on overused or vague language (a lot, great, very, really).
Few attempts at figurative language and dialogue.
Word choice is unimaginative and colorless with images that are unclear or absent .
7
Word choice indicates an extremely limited or inaccurate vocabulary.
No attempts at figurative language.
General, vague words that fail to communicate meaning.
Text may be too short to demonstrate variety.
4
Sentences and Paragraphs
15 Points

Writing clearly demonstrates appropriate sentence structure.
Writing has few or no run-on or fragment errors.
Writing has a rich variety of sentence structure, types, and lengths.
Ideas are organized into paragraphs that blend into larger text.
15

Writing adequately demonstrates appropriate sentence structure.
Writing may contain a small number of run-on or fragment errors that do not interfere with fluency.
Writing has adequate variety of sentence structure.
Ideas are organized into paragraphs.
11

Writing demonstrates lack of control in sentence structure.
Writing contains errors such as run-ons and fragments that interfere with fluency.
Writing has limited variety of sentence structure.
Writing may show little or no attempt at paragraphing.

7

Inappropriate sentence structure.
Many errors in structure (run-ons, fragments).
No variety in structure.
No attempt at paragraphing.
4
Grammar, Usage, and Mechanics
15 Points
The writer demonstrates appropriate use of correct: spelling,
punctuation,
capitalization, grammar, and usage.
Errors are minor and do not affect readability.
15
The writer demonstrates adequate use of
correct: spelling,
punctuation,
capitalization, grammar, and usage.
Errors may be more noticeable but do not significantly affect readability. 11
The writer demonstrates minimal use of correct: spelling, punctuation, capitalization, grammar, and usage. Errors may be distracting and interfere with readability.
7
The writer demonstrates very limited use of correct: spelling,
punctuation,
capitalization, grammar, and usage. Errors are numerous and severely impede readability.
4